


A New Thing to Figure Out

by Gremkt



Series: A New Thing [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Discussion of canon compliant character death, Hawke is oblivious, Isabela being Isabela (Dragon Age), M/M, Modern AU Chantry, Movie Nights, Mutual Pining, Past Anders/Karl Thekla, Slow Burn, Spiders, The Blight, These boys just need to talk to each other, Trips to the fair, Trivia nights, hospitals (kind of), some Canon Dialogue, the spiders are discussed and do not have a starring role
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22123537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gremkt/pseuds/Gremkt
Summary: Anders is a doctor. Hawke is a security guard at a local museum who first meets Anders after a minor accident at work. They’re both oblivious idiots who everyone can see should be together...except each other.This is part modern AU romance, part experiment in how different aspects of the DA world, lore and story can be adapted to a modern context, part exploring what it’s like to actually plan and write a whole story, and part me forcing Hawke and Anders into as many awkward and cute experiences as I can.
Relationships: Anders/Hawke (Dragon Age), Anders/Male Hawke
Series: A New Thing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706767
Comments: 123
Kudos: 70





	1. A Spider Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke meets an attractive doctor after suffering an unfortunate spider related injury.

“I swear, I’m fine Merrill,” Hawke grumbled. As he sat back in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, he tried not to sulk, an attempt that was only marginally successful. 

“I’m not letting you leave until the doctor says you’re ok,” Merrill said firmly. “You hit your head hard enough to bleed everywhere!”

“Only a little bit,” he muttered, mostly to himself. Truth be told, he did have a pounding headache. Part of it was caused by thinking about all the paperwork he’d have to fill in at work tomorrow, but whacking his head on a shelf hard enough to almost knock himself out hadn’t helped. And if he hadn’t whacked his head on a shelf, there’d be no insurance paperwork to fill out so it was kind of a compounding issue, really. 

Merrill glared at him.

“You still have blood on your face, Hawke.” 

He rubbed at his face, wondering if he was helping or just wiping semi-dried blood across his nose. 

The hospital always reminded Hawke of his father, the time spent watching him fade away until finally he was gone. It had been years but Hawke still missed him and being here brought back that vague sense of discomfort. Thankfully the walk-in clinic was slightly detached from the main wards, the waiting room masquerading as somewhere cheerful and pleasant to be. He was glad Merrill was here, it made the waiting slightly easier and meant that he couldn’t just take off if the memories were too much. 

The comparative lack of... seriousness in the waiting room helped too. It wasn’t busy, and the few people scattered around the room he and Merrill currently sat in had issues that weren’t severe enough to require the emergency room or general hospital. A small, grumpy man sat at the reception desk, looking as though he would rather be anywhere but the hospital where he currently worked as he flipped through the pages of a trashy magazine. 

A child, maybe three or four years old, made eye contact with Hawke and he poked his tongue out at the boy. The movement made him wince - his head really did hurt, more than he wanted to admit to his fussing friend - but the boy giggled and poked his own tongue out in return. 

“Garrett?” 

Finally, it was his turn to see the doctor. Next to him, Merrill shifted, hesitant.

“You can come if you want,” he said. “I’d have to get the doctor to come out and tell you I’m fine anyway.”

While he didn’t want to admit it to his friend, he also just really didn’t want to deal with the reminders of his father alone.

Halfway to the doctor’s room, he stopped. The waiting doctor was...well, he was notably attractive, if in a slightly unconventional way. Hawke imagined running his fingers through the man’s strawberry blonde hair, wondered if his lips were as soft as they looked, how his beard would feel under Hawke’s hands, and… no.

_ Appropriate thoughts, Hawke _ , he told himself.  _ Don’t be creepy.  _

The doctor introduced himself as Anders and invited them into the room, seating himself opposite the pair of them. He raised an inquiring eyebrow at Hawke as Merrill followed them into the room, but didn’t question it any further as Hawke nodded his consent for the woman’s presence. 

“What brings you here today?”

“I hit my head,” Hawke explained, gesturing vaguely at his face. Hopefully the blood would make it obvious where the issue was. Did he sound sheepish? He felt like he sounded sheepish. “I was at work, leaning under a cupboard, and...something startled me so I jumped.”

“It was a spider,” Merrill interjected. Hawke turned to glare at her, wincing at the associated stab of pain the movement sent throbbing through his temple. He did  _ not _ want this doctor to know the embarrassing unnecessary details. 

“It was a  _ big _ spider. Enormous! You know I hate spiders.” 

Hawke might have been mistaken, but he thought the corner of Anders’ mouth twitched ever so slightly. 

“I still say you didn’t need to make Fenris kill it. It wasn’t hurting anyone.” 

“Merrill, that spider attacked me! It all but put me in hospital!”

“You said didn’t need to be here.”

Damn. She had him there. What was more embarrassing, needing to go to hospital because of a spider, or admitting that he was wrong after arguing so much? Hawke glared at her again, regretting it when it hurt his head just as much as the first time. 

“Don’t make me regret inviting you in here.” 

“I’d like to have a closer look, if that’s ok,” Anders said gently, interrupting the duo. Hawke felt a small twinge of guilt for wasting the man’s time by talking to Merrill instead of him. He didn’t want to make it hard for the man to do his job and make other patients wait even longer. 

The doctor’s movements were quick and efficient as he checked the bloody area and checked Hawke for signs of concussion. His cool fingers felt nice against Hawke’s face as he checked the injury, asking a question now and then. Hawke tried to focus on the throbbing headache he’d developed and answering the man’s questions quickly and accurately, and tried  _ not  _ to think about how close the other man was. Now that the doctor was so close, Hawke could see the warm amber colour of his eyes, eyes that gazed at him intently as the man worked. He swallowed nervously. 

“The good news is that I don’t think you’re concussed,” he said finally, “but I do recommend avoiding any kind of drugs until you’re definitely feeling better. Even common things like caffeine.”

“I'm more of a tea drinker so that shouldn’t be too hard,” Hawke grinned at him, regretting it as it made the wound ache again. 

“It would be also be helpful if somebody could stay with you tonight, just in case. Somebody to check that you don’t get or dizzy or disoriented or start losing consciousness. Do you have someone who could help you with that?”

Hawke looked at Merrill who shrugged apologetically. 

“I can stay for a bit Hawke but I’m leaving for that conference early tomorrow morning. Maybe you could ask Isabela to spend the night?” 

Hawke snorted, imagining Isabela’s reaction to that invitation. And he was sure he noticed the doctor’s mouth twitched slightly again, not a smile but close. 

“What? Did I say something?” Merrill often said things with the best of intentions, not realising how they might sound until after the words had left her mouth. “Oh, oh! No, I just meant to help!” 

“We’ll find someone,” Hawke said and Anders nodded. 

“Now the bad news is that you’re going to need stitches. It’ll make sure the laceration heals smoothly and reduce your chances of a scar.”

Hawke groaned. 

“I can’t believe I need stitches because of a  _ spider _ .”

This time, Hawke was sure Anders’ mouth twitched in amusement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adults bring their friends to the doctor with them, right? Let’s just pretend that is a thing that definitely happens if not. 
> 
> I suck at thinking of titles, so the title of this comes from a modified line from a song - Imaginary Friends by Japanese Wallpaper, for no particular reason other than liking the song and thinking I could make it fit!
> 
> Currently, I’ve written 5 and a half chapters. I’ve found the first 2 (or 3 maybe) are short and then the ones after that are longer. If everything goes according to plan, it should hopefully be around 13 chapters altogether, which is definitely the longest thing I’ve planned in a while. So...fingers crossed.


	2. Nurse Isabela

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabela attempts to nurse Hawke back to health in her own, Isabela-y way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited the best I can but there may be mistakes :)

Isabela knew how to make an entrance, she always had. Hawke had first met her at a bar - or more accurately, when he’d had to throw her out of a bar for punching a man in the face. Secretly he agreed with her, the guy was being an absolute asshole, but it turned out when you were paid as security, you had to enforce the rules and this particular place had a ‘no punching’ rule. 

He was much happier now, working security for the Sundermont museum, and he’d stayed in contact with her ever since that initial meeting. 

In this particular instance, the entrance involved waltzing into Hawke’s apartment in a nurse’s outfit, or at least a costume designed to vaguely resemble a nurse’s outfit if you removed approximately two thirds of the fabric. She’d agreed to, as Merrill put it, ‘spend the night’ to make sure he was ok and the outfit confirmed that Hawke’s decision to not mention Merrill’s choice of wording was a sensible one. 

Merrill took one look at her and opened her mouth to say something. Hawke shook his head before she had a chance. 

“I don’t think we want to know,” he said. 

“If I’m going to look after you, I have to look the part.” Isabela plopped herself down on the couch opposite the one where Hawke already sat and propped her feet up on the table, giving Hawke’s dog a quick scratch behind the ears. “I can’t help it if my caring side shows off my best assets.”

Merrill giggled. 

“I don’t think you’re the medical professional Hawke is interested in looking at Isabela.”

Isabela jerked her head around to look at her, a delighted expression spreading across her face. 

“Oh? Tell me more.” 

Hawke groaned. Apparently he’d been a little more obvious with his admiring gazes than he’d realised. Maker, had the doctor noticed? The last thing he wanted was to make somebody uncomfortable while they were just doing their job, especially when that job involved looking after him.

“He spent a lot of time looking at the doctor,” Merrill explained. “He did look like a very nice man. He had kind eyes.” 

Isabela whipped out her phone, moving so fast Hawke hardly noticed her moving as it appeared in her hand. 

“What was his name? I need to see this mystery man that has our Hawke so enthralled.” 

The couch dipped slightly as Merrill joined Isabela. Hawke rolled his eyes, tips of his ears burning, and he made the choice to escape into the kitchen. By the time he’d made a cup of tea and returned, he hoped they’d be finished. He was out of luck. 

“You have good taste Hawke,” sai Isabela, admiration in her tone as she turned her phone to face him. The hospital website was open and she’d found the page for the clinic, which listed the names of all of the doctors employed there, complete with photographs. “Ooh you could get the whole sexy doctor thing with him. I’ll even lend you my nurse outfit if you want.”

“I thought you were here to look after me in my time of need,” Hawke grumbled as he settled himself back beside her. “I could have fallen over and died while you were in here, looking at photos of cute doctors.” 

Isabela waved a nonchalant hand at him.

“You’re a big boy,” she said. “If you’d fallen, the resulting bang and possible shaking of the floor would have alerted me.” 

“Do you really feel like you’ll fall over Hawke?” Merrill’s eyes were wide with concern.

“No,” he admitted, feeling guilty for making her worry more than she already had. He’d been helping her with a job when he saw the spider and hurt himself in the first place. Knowing Merrill, she was probably blaming herself more than a little. 

“He’s just trying to distract me from this gorgeous man,” Isabella said, zooming in on the photo for a better look. “But he definitely just admitted he thinks the doctor is cute. Maybe we need to organise an...accident, send you back to the hospital.”

“You’re a wonderful nurse Bela. I feel very safe in your capable hands.”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at him.

“Why be in my hands when it could be a handsome doctor’s healing hands instead?” 

Hawke rolled his eyes at her, shooting Merrill a “please help me” look. She didn’t seem to notice, so he turned his attention back to Isabela’s phone, setting his tea on the table in the process. 

The doctor looked more attractive in person but it was still a wonderful photograph of him. It captured his kind smile, the compassion in his eyes and the little crinkles in the corners of his eyes. His hair was a little shorter, or maybe just pulled back differently, and looked a little bit younger but it clearly showed how handsome he was. Would it be weird to save it from the website? Probably. He didn’t want to stalk the man. 

“Alright, I admit it. He’s cute.” Hawke covered his face with his hands, wincing as a finger brushed his stitches. “He probably thinks I’m a dork though. I lost a fight with a  _ spider _ .”

“I’m sure he’s seen more embarrassing injuries.” Merrill was forever the optimist.

“Like what?” he moaned. Realistically he knew it wasn’t that bad but Maker, he hated spiders. Even more now than ever before. He grabbed his now slightly cooled cup of tea again which he waited for an answer. 

“It could have been a dick injury,” Isabela said nonchalantly as Hawke choked on the mouthful of tea he’d made the mistake of drinking. Given how long they’d been friends, he should have known better than to drink anything around Isabela without checking she wasn’t about to talk. “Although… that may have worked in your favour. Show the man what you have to offer.” 

“Oh that would be worse,” Merrill said. “And painful, most likely.”

“Can we please stop talking about my dick?” Hawke groaned. “I’m hurt, you have to be nice me.” 

“Sorry Hawke,” said Isabela, not sounding sorry at all as she pressed a kiss against his cheek and shot him a brilliant smile. “Nurse Isabela is here to serve.” 

With a sigh, Hawke took another look at the photo on Isabela’s phone.

“Even if I did see him again, I’m not going to be that guy that flirts with somebody while they’re just trying to do their job and tries to tempt them to breach some kind of ethics violation.”

“That’s very respectful Hawke.” Merrill smiled at him as he risked another sip of tea. 

“Fine.” Isabela pouted, leaning back against Hawke, arms folded across her chest in a way that threatened to push her boobs out of the nurse outfit that already barely contained them.“I’ll be responsible and try not to cause any accidents, not even minor ones that wouldn’t even be a little bit life threatening.” 

Hawke briefly wished he’d had the chance to take one last look at the photo of Anders before the phone disappeared back into his friend’s bra. Looking it up himself seemed like he was putting more effort into researching the man himself. 

“You’re a shining beacon of virtue Bela,” he said, reading for the tv remote. 

Several cheesy movies later, Hawke lay on the couch, a sleeping Isabela curled up against his side and a dog against his feet. Merrill had excused herself part way into the first movie, recognising that she needed to be home to pack for her trip the next day. He tried not to think about the doctor, although the subtle pounding in his sore head made it hard with every beat of his heart. 

It had been a while since he had been interested in anyone romantically. He and Bela had tried but it was apparent very quickly to both of them that it wouldn’t go anywhere and they’d settled for an occasional friends with benefits arrangement. Even that had dropped away over time and they were really just friends now and there hadn’t been anyone else since. 

He didn’t really mind being single - better to be alone than force a relationship with somebody - but that didn’t stop the feelings of loneliness that crept in sometimes.

Anders was cute, but Hawke knew nothing about him except that he was a doctor, he was kind while doing his job, and that he was physically attractive. Any other feelings were based entirely on how Hawke imagined him, the way that he filled in the blanks of his personality, the things he liked, how he reacted to situations, if he even liked men. 

As much as he tried to rationalise the feelings away, to stop them taking root and growing further, it didn’t stop him falling asleep thinking about Anders’ soft lips and the way his hair would feel under his fingers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Isabela would be a fun friend to have. She and Hawke are 100% drinking buddies, wingmen and cheesy movie connoisseurs in this AU. And I think Isabela would definitely would definitely own a sexy nurse outfit, for a variety of reasons.


	3. Dinner at the Deep Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke catches up with his sister Bethany but not everything goes to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a short chapter but it didn’t fit combining it with the next longer one sooo short chapter is it! :)

“Maybe we did order too much,” Bethany giggled as the waitress sat down the last plate of food on the pair’s already full table. 

“No such thing as too much food,” Hawke laughed along with his little sister. “Besides, we’re Hawkes. We can eat our own body weight if necessary, and they have containers. We can take the leftovers home.”

It had been too long since Hawke had spent time just with his sister like this. They’d always been close, the Hawke siblings, especially after their father’s death when Hawke was 17 and the twins were 11. It didn’t always feel like it with Carver, what with the grump that his younger brother could be, but they definitely all shared a bond that Hawke treasured. 

Carver had moved to Amaranthine a few months back, and their mother had flown down to visit him this weekend. Hawke and Bethany had decided to take advantage of the time to have a brother/sister day which had culminated here at the Deep Roads, with a mountain of food to share on the table in front of them. The pair of them hadn’t been able to decide between several dishes and had just decided to splurge and get all of them.

“I’m glad the food is here,” Bethany said, smiling at her brother once again. “I’m feeling kind of sick. Lightheaded. Maybe my blood sugar is low.”

“Eat then,” Hawke pushed a plate towards her, already scooping food onto his own plate with the other hand. 

When they finished at the restaurant, they decided to go for a walk around the city. Kirkwall was full of walls and bricks and concrete, without the nice green spaces both Hawke siblings had grown up loving, but the night air was cool and neither of them were ready to go home. 

“You should’ve brought Amell,” Bethany said. “She’d love to walk around Lowtown with us.” 

“She’d have been with us all day!” Hawke objected. “Could you imagine that dog in the bowling alley? She’d have been chasing the ball down the lanes!” 

Bethany laughed again. She’d been so busy lately with her studies that Hawke really missed these moments. In fact, now that he was thinking about it, it had been a couple of weeks since he had seen her outside of work. Six months or so ago, Merrill had pulled some strings and got Bethany a part time job in the more child focused part of the museum, a position she was loving so far despite it taking up even more of her limited time. 

“She’s so strong she’d probably manage to pick up the ball and run off with it.” 

“She does love balls,” Hawke said. There was a pause as they both thought about how the words sounded. Bethany broke the silence with another giggle that set Hawke laughing as well. 

His phone buzzed and he checked it briefly. A text from Isabela, which made him laugh even more. It was like she knew somebody had said something inappropriate. Bethany echoed the sentiment when he showed her the reason for his new outburst of laughter. 

Finally, wiping tears from their eyes, they were calm enough to continue their walk down the street. 

“Maybe we can take Amell out to the coast some time,” Hawke said a few minutes later, still thinking about the dog. “Make a day of it, give her somewhere to run where there’s actual nature.” 

Bethany didn’t answer, and he turned to see her stopped in her tracks a meter or so from him. She had mentioned not feeling well earlier but now she looked it in a way that she hadn’t before. Her skin was pale, more pale than usual, and she took a deep, shuddering breath in. 

“Bethy?” Hawke tried to keep the concern out of his voice. 

“Could we slow down? I’m not feeling very well.” She gave him a tired smile, all the energy from the laughter she had shown such a short time ago gone. 

“I think we should get you home Bethany.” Hawke stepped towards her, reaching out to take her hand. “You don’t look well either.” 

His sister moved to take his hand, but the movement must have been too much for her. Stumbling, she swayed and collapsed as her legs gave out from under her. Hawke reacted, on instinct more than anything else, reaching out to catch her before she hit the ground. Cradled in his arms, Bethany took a deep shuddering breath, followed by another that sounded even more strained. 

“Bethany no.” Hawke clutched her close to his chest, supporting her head with one arm. “You’ll be ok Bethy.” Fighting to hold off the panic rising within him, his gaze darted around the people gathered around them. “Somebody call an ambulance. Please.” 

And just like that, a nice night with siblings became something to remember for all the wrong reasons. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I’m still working out how to write ~drama~ so hopefully it worked out ok!


	4. Blight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke tries to deal with his feelings about Bethany’s hospitalisation and finds assistance from an unexpected source.

The rest of the evening was a blur, full of disjointed memories. A bystander helping them to a safer position. The paramedics rushing towards them, lifting Bethany from his arms. The ambulance ride. Sitting by her bed. The phone call to his mother and Carver. 

“It’s the Blight,” they’d told him. Hawke didn’t know a lot about the Blight but he knew that it had a high fatality rate. Not everyone died, but a significant number did, and most who survived had nasty side effects that lingered for significant periods of time. 

Bethany was stable for now, unconscious and hooked up to machines, but there was no immediate risk, at least based on what the doctors had told him already. There were no guarantee that meant she was ok, but for now, that was all they could do. 

Staying with Bethany, watching her, hearing the beeping of machines, had been too much, and now Hawke found himself sitting in the hospital hallway, feelings of worry and fear for his sister mixing with the negative memories he already held towards hospitals. 

In his hands, his phone buzzed with yet another message of concern. Aveline this time, one of the oldest friends the Hawke family had in Kirkwall. Out of everyone, she probably understood what he was feeling the most, having lost her husband to the Blight some years earlier.

Hawke hadn’t said much to his friends, just two messages letting them know that something was up. 

**_Hawke: bethany in the hospital_ **

**_Hawke: blight. stable for now._ **

Another message buzzed as Hawke ran his finger absentmindedly up and down the side of his phone. One part of him wanted to invite his friends here, so he didn’t have to be alone to deal with these thoughts, but the other didn’t want to deal with the questions and conversation that that would entail.

As the feelings of stress, of worry and concern threatened to overwhelm him, he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. 

A soft noise sounded to his right, the sound of somebody gently clearing their throat. Hawke jumped, startled, rubbing one hand across his eye. He didn’t think he had teared up, not yet, but he wasn’t confident. 

“Are you ok?” 

Hawke nodded, not wanting to burden a stranger with his concern. It took him a second to register that the person standing beside him wasn’t a stranger, not totally. 

It had been two months since Hawke had last been forced into the hospital, when he had first met the doctor and developed his silly crush on the man. In all honesty, he’d probably have forgotten about him if it hadn’t been for the teasing from his friends. Isabela had taken it upon herself to inform the entire group of his interest in a man, complete with a PowerPoint to support her presentation. Isabela had also complained that the doctor didn’t seem to use social media, which made it very hard for her to find additional photos to support Hawke’s harassment.  _ It’s like he doesn’t  _ want _ to be found _ , she’d complained. 

With or without Isabela’s interference, Hawke had maintained feelings of attraction for the man, or at least the idea of him and now he found himself, sitting in a hallway, with the man himself standing in front of him. And not  _ just _ standing in front of him, waiting for an answer that Hawke still hadn’t given. 

“Yes,” he spluttered out, cursing the odd strangled tone of his voice. The doctor raised a skeptical eyebrow, his expression remaining gentle. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to pry but you look like you’re struggling with something.”

Hawke’s phone buzzed, signalling another message he didn’t have the mental capacity to answer right now and he sighed. 

“It’s my sister,” he said, hating how the words caught in his throat. He didn’t elaborate but as he glanced towards the door to Bethany’s room, Anders clearly understood the situation.

“Is it serious?” he asked gently, and Hawke nodded his head once. 

“The Blight.” The words were so soft he could hardly hear himself but Anders seemed to hear, cursing softly under his breath. “They say she’s stable for now but there’s no guarantee beyond that. I don’t really know what to do.” 

He gazed up at the doctor, a man probably used to dealing with people complaining about sick family members all the time. Anders checked his watch and Hawke felt guilty for holding the man up from his work, despite the fact that he was the one who had stopped to talk. 

“Would you like to talk about it? Or at least have some company?” Anders asked. “I’m not free for another 20 minutes but I can talk after than if you’d like. I know that it often helps to just not be alone.”

Hawke felt his heart jump a little at the thought of spending time with the doctor. Maybe he’d like him more afterwards, or maybe it would shatter the illusion that he had constructed of the man and he could finally move on. Then guilt washed away the excitement. His sister was lying in a hospital bed, only metres away, and here he was feeling hopeful at the idea of talking to a guy. 

He realised that once again, Anders was standing and waiting for an answer. 

“I think I’d like that,” he said while at the same time, Anders said “you’re welcome to say no.” 

Anders smiled at him. 

“Word of advice, there’s some comfier chairs down the hallway, just round the corner, close enough to your sister that you’ll know if anything happens. I’ll be back in a little bit when I’ve finished up.”

The doctor was right - advantage of knowing the hospital, clearly. The chairs around the corner were much more comfortable and Hawke resigned himself to sitting in silence, alone with his thoughts for some time. He did consider leaving, but he felt like he’d promised to wait for the other man and it didn’t feel right leaving Bethany all by herself. 

Twenty minutes passed, then another five, and Hawke started to think that maybe the doctor wasn’t coming. He wouldn’t blame him - he could think of better things to do than hang out in a hospital providing comfort to a stranger, but then, that was probably why Anders was a doctor and he was not. 

It was about twenty seven minutes later when the other man finally appeared, a disposable coffee cup clutched in each hand. 

“Coffee or tea?” he asked, extending the cup of tea to Hawke with his answer. “I thought you looked like you could use a drink and I know not everyone relies on strong coffee like me.” 

Hawke smiled gratefully, appreciating how the drink warmed his whole body. He hadn’t realised how numb he’d been feeling since he watched Bethany fall. 

“What is your sister’s name?” Anders asked, taking a sip of his own drink - coffee, presumably - as he sat down next to Hawke. 

“Bethany.” 

“Is she older or younger?”

“Younger. There’s three of us altogether, me, Bethy and Carver. I was five when they were born. He lives in Amaranthine now, studying. Our mother is visiting him right now.” Hawke sighed deeply. “I had to call them and break the news. They’re trying to get a flight back to Kirkwall.” 

The phone call about Bethany had been a difficult one. Hawke hoped he didn’t have to hear his mother cry like that again for a very long time. Since the Hawke siblings had lost their father and Leandra her husband, she had found any medical issue in the family hard. About a year after they lost Malcolm, Carver had cut his hand and Leandra had fussed over him a mother hen for weeks, and that was something significantly less major than Bethany’s situation now. 

“Bethy is basically a ray of sunshine. Everybody likes her,” he continued in a rush, trying to distract himself from his own thoughts. “Carver’s less popular, he’s too much of a grouch. I used to tell him there were demons hiding under his bed to scare him into going to bed on time. It worked too, till Bethy told our parents and they made me stop.” Despite his worry about Bethany, Hawke felt the corners of his mouth twitch. Bethany had told them she was scared but Hawke knew she had just been saving Carver the embarrassment for admitting that he was. 

Anders laughed and Hawke smiled at him, suddenly feeling strangely shy. 

“You sound like you’re very close to your family,” he said. 

“Yeah. We’ve been through a lot.”

Sadness returned in full force as Hawke’s thoughts turned back to Bethany, currently in hospital, and the time spent watching their father get more and more frail until he was gone. Trying to distract himself from his own thoughts, he took a gulp of the tea Anders had brought him, focusing on the feeling of the hot liquid sliding down his throat. It didn’t work. 

“I should have done something,” he said, voice shaky. “I should have noticed she was feeling sick and done something earlier.”

“Hey,” Anders said softly. Hawke jumped as a hand came to rest over his own. “The Blight moves quickly. That’s part of the problem, it’s not a problem at all until suddenly, it is. There was nothing you could have done, you can just support her now.” 

Hawke wanted to thank him but he didn’t trust his ability to get the words out coherently. He decided to change the subject instead. 

“Do you have any siblings?”

An odd expression flitted across Anders’ face, so quickly that Hawke wondered if he’d imagined it. Whatever it was, he couldn’t place it. 

“I don’t have any family. It's just been me since I was young.” 

“Oh.”

For a moment, Hawke tried to imagine what his life would have been like if he hadn’t grown up with the twins. Undoubtedly he’d have ended up a very different person. 

Anders smiled at him, eyes crinkling as he did. 

“So have you defeated any spiders lately?”

Hawke just blinked at him at him. He knew he had remembered the doctor but he didn’t realise the man had remembered him from their one prior meeting. He’d just assumed Anders had noticed a stranger in need and sure, he’d hoped Anders was also helping because he specifically wanted to help  _ him _ , but he hadn’t actually expected it. 

“Sorry. That  _ was _ you, wasn’t it?” Anders sounded embarrassed now, the tips of his ears turning red. 

“No! No more spiders!” The sentence came out a little bit faster and a little bit louder than Hawke intended. “Although I’m sure I’d be victorious if they were a normal damn size and didn’t sneak up on me. The last one was huge, I hate them and it was definitely lurking in the shadows just waiting for me to get close enough so it could appear and startle me.” He gulped another huge mouthful of tea, trying to hide the fact that he was blurting out words like an idiot. “I should be used to them by now though, there’s enough of them at work. They hide in the relics and under the displays.”

The corner of Anders’ mouth twitched ever so slightly. 

“I’m sure you’re very brave,” he said. “What is it you do?”

“Security guard. I used to do security for events, venues and so on, keeping people safe and things running smoothly but now I work at the spider infested Sundermont museum, making sure people don’t get too close to the spiders and their homes in the exhibits.” Anders laughed properly at the joke this time as Hawke continued. “Merrill got me the job, she was the one who brought me in after the spider injury after callously taking the spider’s side with no concern for my wellbeing! She works there, mostly for research purposes but she runs education programs too. Bethy helps out with the kids programs. And you, what do you do?”

Anders raised an eyebrow slightly at him. In the hallway behind him, a doctor walked past in full scrubs and Hawke blushed.

“Let’s forget I said that,” he said, deliberately avoiding eye contact with the other man. “Have you always wanted to be a doctor?”

Anders shook his head and Hawke caught himself admiring how the man’s silky hair moved. It was tied back, but pieces at the front were slipping out of the tie and drifting across his face. He cleared his throat, hoping he wasn’t staring too obviously as he gulped down another mouthful of tea. 

“Initially, no. But I always liked helping people and I was good at it. So I kept doing it. The Chantry kind of sucks but they helped me get a scholarship into medical school.” Anders shrugged. “Of course it came with a lot of restrictions but I like to think I’m doing something to help people in need.”

“You are helping,” Hawke said with as much as a smile as he could muster in the circumstances. “I’m sure of it.”

“Thank you.” Anders sounded incredibly genuine in his response. 

Hawke’s phone, sitting on his lap, buzzed with yet another message.

“Is that a dog?” Anders asked, leaning over slightly before wincing, sitting back. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be nosy.” 

After Isabela had found the photo of Anders on the hospital website, she’d managed to get hold of Hawke’s phone and make it his background no less than seven times and Hawke was now very glad he’d remembered to change it back to a cute photo of his dog. Explaining to somebody you barely knew why you had a photo of them as your phone background wasn’t an experience Hawke thought he’d enjoy. 

The opportunity to talk about his dog, however, was something he definitely enjoyed. 

“Yes! Her name is Amell and she’s my baby girl!” He exclaimed, unlocking his phone in search of additional photos. “She’s named after my mother’s family. They didn’t like my father so they cut her off when they eloped. She tries not to admit it but she missed them, especially… especially after we lost my father. I liked the idea of it being a reminder that they were important to us.” 

“What a lovely idea,” Anders said as he leaned forward to look at the many, many photos Hawke had of his dog in all kinds of different poses. Hawke found himself relieved that he kept photos of Amell in a specific folder so there was no risk of accidentally scrolling past an embarrassing photo. A photo of Anders for example - not that he saved them himself but he kept  _ somehow  _ finding them on there.

“Do you have a dog?” Hawke asked Anders, showing his favourite section of the photos - when he, Bethany, Isabela  _ and  _ Merrill had all brought Amell Halloween costumes and he’d been able to photograph his dog in all of them. Anders shook his head. 

“I’m more of a cat person,” he said. “But right now, it’s just...me. Gave up my last cat when I moved to Kirkwall, unfortunately, but the housing department wouldn’t even try to find me a place that accommodated pets.” 

“Housing department? 

“I’m a Chantry kid,” he explained. “Owe them for my medical school debt but they treat me alright, mostly, as long as I meet all their requirements. Main reason I’m here in Kirkwall, working in one of their hospitals. It's very hard to say no to them when they want to transfer you.” 

“Oh,” Hawke said, unsure of what to say. He’d met a few other Chantry foster children, bounced around from home to home, and while some didn’t want to discuss it, others were determined not to hide it. Anders had been the one to bring it up but Hawke really didn’t know him well enough to know what he’d want beyond that. He took another mouthful of his drink to give him something to do. 

“Could you tell me more about your sister?” Anders asked, breaking the silence. 

Hawke happily obliged, telling the other man all about the time Bethany and Carver had gotten lost at the markets and now Carver had cried, and the way Bethany collected all of her toys one year and tried to give them away to other random children on the street. 

Anders proved to be an attentive listener, asking questions in all the right places to encourage Hawke to keep talking. While Bethany stayed on his mind, the worry eased. He found himself able to think about things other than all the ways he had failed his sister, which he suspected may have been Anders’ intention all along. 

Finally, Hawke interrupted himself mid story with a yawn. 

“You're tired,” Anders said.

“No,” Hawke denied, his words undermined by the second, larger yawn that snuck out as he spoke. 

“You should go home and rest,” Anders insisted. “It’ll do you good. There’s no use in you being tired and coping badly with your feelings at a stressful time.”

Hawke shook his head. 

“I’m ok,” he said. “I can’t leave her.”

“Garrett,” Anders said, meeting his gaze steadily with those warm brown eyes. “Trust me.”

Hawke’s heart skipped a beat. 

“You remembered my name,” he thought, realising when Anders blushed that he’d actually said the words out loud. 

“I have a good memory,” he said. The pink staining his cheeks was adorable and Hawke found himself smiling without even meaning to. “I don’t get many heroic spider warriors with memorable wounds.”

“I’m glad my heroics were so impressive. Maybe I should pay somebody to write an epic or two. I could include the brave healer who saved my life.” 

Anders had such a lovely laugh, Hawke thought to himself. 

“Clearly the most important character in your adventures” Anders said and Hawke grinned at him, surprised that he was able to think about smiling when he was still so worried. 

“You should call me Hawke though. Only my mother calls me Garrett.”

“Alright. Hawke.”

It was nice to hear Anders say his name and Hawke stored the memory of his name in Anders’ voice with all the other things to fuel his crush, a crush which, after tonight, was definitely not going away quickly. 

“Thank you Anders.”

The man cocked his head to the side. 

“You remembered my name too,” he said, and this time it was Hawke’s turn to blush. 

“In my defence, you stitched my head back together,” he said, hoping it was believable. “That’s pretty memorable.” 

“Regardless of how memorable I am, I still think you should go home and sleep.” Anders had a small smile on his face as he leaned forward on the hospital chair. The movement made Hawke aware of his own seat. While it was more comfortable than the ones he had started on, it was still fundamentally an uncomfortable hospital chair, one which he had been sitting on them for quite a while now. 

In fact...they’d been sitting here for almost 45 minutes now, if the time on his phone was accurate. He was being inconsiderate, keeping Anders’ attention for this long. Hawke swore softly, causing Anders brow to crease slightly. 

“Something wrong?” he asked, clearly concerned. 

“I’ve been keeping you from your work, I’m so sorry. I should go, I should let you go.” He stumbled to his feet, almost tripping over in his haste. Maker, had Anders realised how much of his time Hawke had just wasted? 

“You’re not keeping me.” Anders stood too, picking up a bag Hawke had dimly registered him stashing under the seat when he’d sat in the first place. “I’ve already finished for the day. I’m heading home too.”

“Oh.” Hawke wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. On the one hand, he wasn’t keeping the man from his word but on the other, he was keeping Anders from his own time. “I...thank you Anders. For everything.”

“I won’t say it was a pleasure, given the circumstances, but you’re welcome.”

“So um… I’m going this way,” Hawke said, gesturing up the hallway. “You?”

“That way.” The opposite way. Of course. Was that a blessing in disguise or just depriving him of the opportunity to spend more time with Anders?

“Well, see you later.”

Why was it always so awkward to say goodbye to people you hardly knew? He turned to go. The quicker he left, the less likely he was to have another final chance to make an idiot of himself. 

“Hawke, wait.”

Hawke spun around, hoping he hadn’t react too quickly. He wasn’t sure why he cared - he’d already looked like an idiot more than once in front of Anders. He seemed like an observant person and Hawke doubted that it had escaped his notice that he was talking to somebody who frequently embarrassed himself. 

“Um.” The tips of Anders ears were pink again. “I was wondering...would you mind me taking your phone number?”

Hawke thought his heart stopped for a second. Anders wanted his _ phone number _ ?  _ His _ phone number? He’d kind of wanted to ask as well but he was, as Isabela put it, ‘a hopeless romantic, with emphasis on the  _ hopeless  _ part’.

“I have a former colleague who works with those affected by the Blight. I thought… maybe I could ask him if he has any ideas to help your sister. But it wouldn’t be any use if I couldn’t contact you to let you know what he says.”

Oh. A strange mixture of hope for Bethany and disappointment welled up in his chest, followed by guilt that he could be disappointed at anything that might help his sister. 

“Sure,” he said, hoping the hope showed more than the disappointment. 

Anders passed Hawke his phone. 

“How old is this?” Hawke asked as he entered his number into the phone that was so much smaller than the phone he was used to. 

“Only about 6 years.” It was hard to tell if Anders was blushing again or if the earlier blush was just lingering. “Maybe more. I could replace it but what’s the point? It still works.” 

Their fingers brushed as Hawke handed back the phone and he resisted the urge to make the moment last longer. 

_ Don’t be weird Hawke.  _

“I’ll send you a message so you know it’s me later,” Anders said with a smile. “But really, go home and sleep now. Take care of yourself.”

Hawke felt like it took all of his willpower not to look back over his shoulder as he walked one way down the hallway and Anders walked the other. 

When he arrived home, the late hour and the adrenaline and emotion of the evening caught up with him and he more or less collapsed onto his bed fully clothed. Fighting off sleep, he sent a quick update to his friends and family - that Bethany’s condition hadn't, as far as he was aware, changed for better or for worse, and that he’d come home to rest before heading back tomorrow. 

As he set his phone down, one more message came through, from a number he didn’t know. 

**_Hey, this is Anders :)_ **

In his haste to pick up the phone, Hawke fumbled, dropping it twice before managing to successfully pick it up. 

**_Hawke: Hey! Thank you again for tonight, you really helped._ **

**_Anders: Any time. Sleep well Hawke._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bethany is partly my clumsy attempt to adapt canon events to a modern context but also... I wasn’t gonna write a story about a doctor dating his patient bc, y’know, power dynamics and conflicts of interest and stuff.
> 
> I agree with Anders on the phone thing - sure my phone is like 8 years old and I’ve had it for 6 but it still mostly works so...
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be quick but at this point I really don’t love it so I think it needs a lot of work. So fingers crossed it’s not too long?


	5. The Warden Program

**_Anders: Hi Hawke. I talked to my colleague and he has information that may help your sister. He would like to meet with you if you’re interested._ **

**_Anders: I hope you’re feeling ok._ **

Hawke had read and reread the messages a dozen times before he could even think about responding. 

**_Hawke! thank you!! did he say when he could meet? I'll be at the hospital soon and probably there for a while, I want to spend as much time as I can with Bethany_ **

After sending the message, Hawke set about getting ready to go to the hospital. The museum had been understanding and Hawke had the next few days off work. He was grateful for that - there was no way he could successfully focus on his job while worrying about his sister. 

His mother and Carver had managed to get a flight back from Amaranthine but they wouldn’t be home until tomorrow. Despite numerous offers from his friends, he still wasn’t ready to discuss the situation with them. And so, until his family arrived, it was just Hawke and Bethany, alone in the hospital. 

He was just heading out when Anders replied with a time that afternoon and a suggested location just next to the hospital. 

Hawke still found it hard to look at his baby sister, lying in a bed surrounded by tubes and wires but he couldn’t bring himself to leave her. As his meeting with Anders’ colleague drew closer, he found himself starting to worry. What if this was his one chance to help Bethany and he messed it up? What if he messed it up and the doctor was somehow annoyed at Anders for wasting his time? 

**_Hawke: Do I need to know anything about the Blight to talk to this guy?_ **

Hawke didn’t really expect a reply to his message - after all, surely Anders was working - but the reply came only 20 minutes later.

**_Anders: I don’t think so. He knows what his organisation does and he’ll more than likely just want to know more about your sister._ **

**_Anders: And I think you’re an expert in that._ **

**_Hawke: she might disagree but thank you_ **

**_Anders: You want to look for the man with the impressive moustache._ **

**_Hawke: thank you again. I appreciate it._ **

**_Anders: Good luck._ **

It was only as Hawke left Bethany’s room for the meeting that he realised he hadn’t even asked the man’s name. If nothing else, it would have given him something to research on his own and knowing the man’s credentials may have helped.

The location in question was a coffee shop directly opposite the hospital. Hawke contemplated buying a drink to calm his nerves - holding something warm often helped him feel better. As he looked around the scattering of people already inside the building, trying to determine exactly who he was meeting, he decided against it. 

Anders had said moustache, and not just any moustache, specifically an impressive one. His gaze flicked over the man initially, darting back when he registered the facial hair. That had to be him. There was no other way of describing the that moustache but impressive. 

“Um, hi?” Hawke said, hoping desperately that he had identified the right person as he approached. “Are you the Blight expert?” 

“Indeed. Hawke?” The man’s accent identified him as Orlesian, as did the name on the badge he wore. Jean-Marc Stroud. “I must say I was surprised to hear from Anders. It has been... a while since we talked. He said you had a sister afflicted with the Blight.”

Hawke slid into the seat opposite him, trying not to surprise the feelings that rose thinking about Bethany in her hospital bed. The worry was just as bad here as it was by her bedside. 

“Yesterday,” he said sadly. “She collapsed out of nowhere, no warning.”

“Did Anders tell you of my work?”

Hawke shook his head.

“I work for an organisation that studies the Blight and it’s ongoing effects. We provide rehabilitation to those affected while also studying and working to eradicate the Blight entirely.” Stroud paused to reach into a briefcase. He passed Hawke a flyer, which he flicked through briefly, the words blurring before his eyes as he failed to take in any of the information.

“You said your sister was afflicted yesterday? She is lucky to have survived the initial infection but undoubtedly she is still at risk.” The man leaned forward. “Hawke - your name is Hawke, yes? - I will be honest. We do not take participants out of pity. Our methods may save lives but recovery from the Blight is not an easy process. Survival is not always a kindness.”

“You think it’s kinder to let my sister die of the Blight?” Anger flared in Hawke, anger he tried to suppress. He didn’t want to ruin the opportunity to help Bethany with his own emotions, even if this man didn’t seem to actually care about her. 

“Sometimes it is, yes.” Stroud’s tone was simple, matter of fact. “It is no simple thing to live with this, and treatment can be as much a death sentence as the illness itself. She may very well die anyway.” The man surveyed him with dark eyes, clearing his throat. “Our facility is in Orlais. If you want your sister to be a participant, she would need to travel abroad. We can organise the travel arrangements if necessary.”

Hawke took a deep breath. This was a lot of information to take in, especially on top of all the emotion he was already dealing with. He couldn’t do this alone, and he didn’t even have legal authority to make the decision for her. Tomorrow morning, when his family were due back in Kirkwall, suddenly seemed even further away. 

“There are contact details in the information pamphlet, and Anders knows how to contact me as well. Let us know if you or your family are interested in our facility and we can assess her eligibility and begin organising for your sister to join us.” 

The other man stood - he was much taller than Hawke had initially realised - and collected his belongings. 

“We look forward to hearing from you. I hope your sister fares well, Mr Hawke, with or without our help.” 

With that, he was gone, leaving Hawke sitting alone with his myriad of thoughts at the table, surrounded by the chatter of strangers.

* 

Hawke sat beside Bethany, trying to drown out the beeping of the monitors as he picked at his overpriced hospital salad. He had nothing against salads, but he had to admit this wasn’t the most exciting dinner. As he picked through the piles of lettuce, trying to find the more interesting vegetables, he heard his phone buzz with an incoming message. 

**_Anders: How did it go?_ **

Hawke dropped his plastic fork in his haste to pick up the phone to answer.

**_Hawke: I think it went well_ **

**_Hawke: we have a lot to think about_ **

**_Hawke: thank you for contacting him for me :)_ **

**_Anders: No problem :) I hope it was helpful._ **

**_Anders: Is your sister ok? Or at least as ok as she can be?_ **

**_Hawke: no better but not worse_ **

**_Hawke: they said if she doesn’t get any worse in the next 24 hours then she’s probably the worst she’ll get but that doesn’t tell us anything about her recovery_ **

**_Hawke: my family will be home tomorrow_ **

**_Hawke: then they can help me decide what we’re going to do_ **

**_Anders: I’m glad you’ll have your family around you to support you. That’s important._ **

The memory of what Anders said yesterday, about not having any family of his own, flashed through Hawke’s brain. Imagining what this would feel like if he was dealing with this alone, if Bethany was his only family, if he had _lost_ her… it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

**_Hawke: it helps when you have people around you helping too_ **

**_Hawke:_ ** **_like you_ **

He hesitated after writing the second message. Was that too much? After all, he hardly knew Anders and didn’t want to make him think Hawke was crossing a line. Second guessing himself, he decided to delete to. 

**_You’re right about the moustache,_ **he wrote instead. 

**_Hawke: it WAS very impressive_ **

**_Hawke: :{ )_ **

He didn’t get a response straight away and he wondered if he’d gone too far. After all, everything else Anders had said had been more or less professional and focused on helping Bethany. Maybe he didn’t would appreciate a joke or a more casual conversation. Sighing, trying to ignore the disappointment welling up, Hawke turned his attention back to the pile of lettuce masquerading as a complete salad in front of him. 

Then his phone buzzed and his heart nearly jumped out of his chest in excitement. 

_You’re being pathetic Hawke,_ he told himself as he opened the message. 

**_Anders: I was always in awe of it while we were studying together._ **

Relief flooded through Hawke. Anders obviously wasn’t annoyed by the change in topic, and if he had the opportunity to continue talking to Anders, he’d happily take it. 

**_Hawke: I’m thinking I should grow one of my own_ **

Pointing his phone away, he snapped a quick selfie. Using the technology on his phone, he doodled a more elaborate moustache over the photo, sending the picture to Anders before he could overthink it. Immediately after the message sent, he was overthinking it anyway but now it was too late to do anything about it. 

When the reply came, it took him a moment to steady his nerves before checking what the other man had said. 

**_Anders: I like it. I think you can make it work._ **

**_Hawke: you THINK I could?_ **

**_Hawke: I could DEFINITELY make it work!_ **

**_Hawke: are you doubting my ability to pull off any facial hair look I want to?_ **

**_Anders: I’m sure you could make even the most ridiculous of facial hair look handsome_ **

A grin started to creep across his face. He could feel it, and although he felt guilty, smiling beside his sister’s hospital bed, it lingered. Had Anders just used the words ‘you’ and ‘handsome’ in the same message?

Opening the internet browser on his phone, he googled ‘ridiculous moustaches’. Selecting the most ridiculous picture he could find, he saved it and popped it in a message to Anders. 

**_Hawke: I’m glad you think so because I just started working towards this_ **

He felt a little bit silly as he watched the message screen intently, waiting for the dots that indicated Anders was writing a reply. They appeared almost immediately. After a second, Hawke realised he was holding his breath and forced himself to try and breathe regularly until the new message arrived. 

Anders had sent him a picture of an over the top handlebar moustache.

**_Anders: I think this one would suit you better. More dignified._ **

**_Hawke: nah that one would suit you better_ **

**_Hawke: long hair, long moustache_ **

**_Hawke: you could braid them together_ **

**_Anders: Not possible. It would interfere with my normal braids. I’m afraid you’ll have to carry the burden of the impressive moustache man alone._ **

The image of Anders with his long hair braided popped into Hawke’s imagination, and he added that to the list of way he’d like to see Anders. The number one thing at the top of the list was just ‘Anders’ though. Any time with him was a plus, especially now that Hawke actually had an idea of who the man actually _was_ beyond their initial meeting, the one where he was just doing his job. 

**_Anders: Are you still at the hospital?_ **

Hawke’s heart rate increased at the question, pounding in his ears. Why was he asking? Was he hoping he was still at the hospital? Did Anders want to see him again? 

**_Hawke: yes_ **

Would it be too much to ask why? Before he could stress too much, he could see that Anders was already writing a reply. 

**_Anders: You should go home._ **

Oh. It wasn’t a ‘I want to see you’ message then. But Anders was still writing. 

**_Anders: You’re in a stressful situation and it sounds as though you’ve been at the hospital all day. You need to take care of yourself and de-stress. Take a break and come back tomorrow._ **

Oh? A “look after yourself’ message wasn’t quite the same but... Anders was clearly thinking about him and his well-being. 

_He’s a doctor. It’s his job to think about people’s well-being,_ the little voice inside his head pointed out. Hawke tried to ignore it. 

Anders was right though. He should go home. He’d been sitting in a hospital room, with their artificial fluorescent lights and plastic floors, all day and while he didn’t like leaving Bethany, he wasn’t exactly helping her here. Sure, he could continue talking to her but he didn’t even know if she could hear him. 

**_Anders: I’m if that was too forward of me. It’s probably not any of my business._ **

**_Hawke: no you’re right, I should._ **

**_Hawke: thank you_ **

Before he left the room, Hawke kissed his sister on the forehead, shuddering at how clammy her skin felt, yet also thankful the illness wasn’t transferable through skin to skin contact so he was able to kiss her goodbye. 

“See you tomorrow Bethy,” he said. “Mum and Carver will be with me next time I come.”

As he left the hospital, he couldn’t help wondering if Anders was somewhere nearby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured if Bethany was getting the Blight, I may as well go with the whole Anders saves Bethany in the Deep Roads thing. I tried to bring in a little bit of the canon conversation into it but it was really hard to do without making it sound odd but hey I think it worked out ok?


	6. An Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was only half of the chapter but...this is finished and the other half is not and also needs a bunch of reworking so I figured why not share this now, even if it’s bunch shorter than my original plan ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Hopefully I caught the mistakes but no promises (:

The airport had felt too cheerful. People meeting their families, friends, loved ones, celebrating their reunions, rejoicing in seeing the people they had missed. 

While Hawke had been happy to see his mother and brother - Carver especially as it has been a number of months since he last spent time in his brother’s presence - the reunion hadn’t felt at all like a celebration. Not given the circumstances. 

They’d headed straight to the hospital as soon as he picked them up, Hawke’s heart breaking again when he saw his mother crying by his sister‘s side, saw Carver doing his best to hide his emotions like he always did. Hawke had had time to adjust to seeing his sister’s small body in her hospital bed, Carver and Leandra had not.

He hadn’t received any more messages from Anders, a fact that left him feeling a little disappointed. Hawke contemplated sending him a message but he just didn’t know what to say. It didn’t feel appropriate to start a casual conversation, not with what was going on and chaotic and unsettled everything felt, and he didn’t have anything specific to say or ask him. And he still wasn’t sure if Anders actually  _ wanted _ to talk to him beyond what was in his professional capacity. 

Opinion on the Warden facility in Orlais was divided. There were obvious benefits but no guarantee it would help, and there was no telling how long she’d be there. ;And their mother was understandably reluctant to send her only daughter so far away. With Bethany in Orlais, Carver in Amaranthine and Hawke in Kirkwall, the whole family would be spread across the continent. 

After much deliberation and discussion, a decision was finally made, with Bethany’s best interests at heart. She would go to the Warden program in Orlais. 

Leandra picked up her phone, brochure in hand, to contact Anders’ colleague and start making arrangements. Carver sat beside his twin sister’s bed, clutching Bethany’s hand. Hawke decided to give them some space - it would benefit Carver but also give  _ him _ a chance to finally have some time alone. 

The hospital felt unfriendly as he walked around, discomforting sitting heavy in his gut. There was always the option of outside, getting some fresh air and going for a walk outside the hospital but Hawke found himself wandering near the section of the hospital that housed the clinic where Anders worked. He hadn’t meant to but...maybe the doctor had been on his mind. Lately, he had been in Hawke’s thoughts a lot. 

When he realised where he was, Hawke suddenly felt silly, turning around to walk back towards the wing where his family was.

_ Just because you’re at the hospital… _ the little voice in his head chided him. 

As it turned out, going near the clinic was pointless anyway. Anders wasn’t in the clinic at the time anyway, a fact that Hawke discovered when he ran into the doctor in the hallway hallway back to Bethany’s room. Literally. As he rounded the corner, the other man bounced off his chest, landing heavily on the ground. 

Hawke nearly tripped over his own feet in his haste to help the man up, blushing even further when he realised who he had sent flying. 

“Hawke,” said Anders, a smile on his face as he took the offered hand, interrupting a spluttered apology. “I’m fine. Did your family arrive?” 

“Are you sure?” Hawke knew he was a big guy, and Anders had hit him pretty hard. 

“I’m sure. I’m a professional, remember?” He pointed to the hospital name badge pinned to his chest. Hawke breathed a sigh of relief, or at least as much relief as he could manage while still feeling like a complete idiot. Then he realised Anders had asked him a question. 

“Yes, I picked them up this morning. They’re with Bethy now. We’re going to try and send her to Orlais, with Stroud.”

Anders gave him a sympathetic smile. 

“I hope it’s the right decision,” he said. 

“Me too,” Hawke replied with a wry smile. “Especially given how hard I argued it would be a good thing. When I left, mother was on the phone with them.”

As if on cue, his own phone rang. 

“This is her now,” he said. “I should probably go. She’ll be worried I’m gone.”

“Better hurry back then,” Anders stepped to the side to allow Hawke past without bumping him again. “I’m glad I was able to help.”

“Me too.” Hawke smiled at him. He stood opposite Anders for a moment, wondering if he should stay anything else. “Uh, I’ll see you around maybe?” 

“Maybe.”

Past Anders, partway up the hallway, an idea occurred to him. It might be a risk but there was only one way to find out. Before he could think too much about to and talk himself out of it, he spun around, hurrying back around the corner.

“Anders?” He wasn’t too late, the other man still heading back towards the clinic. 

“Yes?” 

“I do this thing with my friends,” he said, trying to sound like his heart wasn’t beating a million miles a minute. “Every Wednesday. Trivia questions and general catching up. 7pm this week at the Hanged Man tavern in Lowtown, if you’re… if you’d like to come.”

There. The invitation was given, there was no talking himself out of it now. Hopefully the invitation to join a whole group would be less intimidating than just… him - it was certainly less intimidating to ask. But it was up to Anders now, Anders, who stood in front of him with the hint of a frown on his face.

“Wednesday?”

“No pressure though, if you’re not interested.” Hawke blurted out. 

_ Stop talking Hawke _ , he told himself, suddenly regretting asking. It was probably a bad idea. 

“Oh. I… I um, I think I’m busy.” 

_ Oh _ . Disappointment bloomed and he pushed it away. It was too short notice to invite somebody to do something anyway, especially if you didn’t even know if they’d be interested. It wasn’t a hard no, but it wasn’t a yes either. There was no way of knowing if Anders was genuinely busy or just letting him down easy, but Hawke wasn’t going to push the point if the man wasn’t interested.

“Sorry Hawke,” he added. His tone sounded genuine but it was hard to tell. 

Hawke couldn’t help but note there was no suggestion of an alternative. The sound of Hawke’s phone filled the air, mercifully saving him from having to think of an answer. 

“My mother,” he said with a shrug, “I really should answer this.” He held the phone to his ear, shrugging at Anders in a way that he hoped would be read as apologetic. “Hi mum, what’s up?” 

Giving Anders a small wave goodbye, phone pressed to his ear, Hawke turned and headed back up the hallway once more, fighting the urge to look back and see if Anders was still watching. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m not the most social person, and my main form of socialising is my weekly trivia night with friends. It’s a nice, regular, low stakes way of hanging out, we sit around a table, talk, answer 40 questions or so, sometimes have dinner or drinks as well. So when I tried to think of what Hawke could do as a regular thing, I figured why shouldn’t the DA2 crew do that too? Especially bc I don’t love the idea of them hanging out regularly at a bar JUST to hang out at a bar bc I find the idea of that exhausting tbh haha but they had to do SOMETHING.
> 
> Side note, I’ve just spent 5 weeks off work, which has given me a heap of time to work on this. I’m now back at work, so I’ll probably update slower. Theres another 10,000ish words already written (if not edited at all) and I’ll see how I go beyond that :)


	7. The Champions of Kirkwall

The next few days were a blur of organising, paperwork and stress. Hawke found himself grateful that he wasn’t the one in charge of making sure everything happened - he hated responsibility but somehow he kept finding himself in positions where people expected it of him. 

By the time Wednesday rolled around, Hawke was grateful for the opportunity to spend time with his friends. They had all been happy to give support but with everything happening, the emotional roller coaster he had been on and how busy the whole Hawke family had been, he had hardly had a chance to talk to them, let alone see them. The museum had been extremely understanding and given him a week away from work which was a blessing in some ways but also took away that opportunity for distraction . 

Hawke’s friends met almost every Wednesday evening at a pub trivia night. It gave them a chance to hang out and catch up while also expanding their knowledge. They almost never won but pooling their knowledge together, they usually did… alright. 

Not that he would ever be able to not think about Bethany, but he was hoping the evening might take his mind off the worry for a bit. His little sister was still unconscious, which the doctors told him was a good thing as it gave her body time to protect and repair itself, but there was a chance she could wake up at any time. 

Despite his excitement at seeing his friends, he took a deep breath as he entered the Hanged Man, preparing himself for the inevitable onslaught of questions. 

He also tried not to think about Anders, and how he had turned down Hawke’s invitation. Since that conversation, he had sent Anders one message, a quick update on Bethany’s status and that she’d be leaving the hospital later that week. As he’d sent it, he wondered if Anders even actually cared. Perhaps he’d have been able to check on her at the hospital himself anyway and already knew. Maybe he didn't care at all, and his involvement was just a case of him being professional in a situation he’d forget about as soon as he was finished helping. 

Anders had sent a thumbs up in response, and since then, there’d been nothing else and Hawke had tried to resign himself to the idea that Anders probably didn't want to spend time with him or talk to him. 

“Hawke!” Isabela cried as he entered the room, springing from her seat to wrap her arms around him, a kiss pressed to his cheek. Apparently he was the last of them to arrive. Merrill gave him an enthusiastic wave, while Varric and Fenris just nodded a greeting. 

“How’s Sunshine?” Varric’s tone was gentle. He’d always had a soft spot for Hawke’s younger sister. For both Hawke twins actually, but he shared too much of Hawke’s fondness for antagonising Caver for Carver’s liking 

“Probably not going to die,” Hawke said, trying to make sure his voice didn’t wobble. “Other than that, it’s a waiting game to see how she fares. She leaves for Orlais on Saturday.”

That required an explanation of the facility they’d elected to have Bethany participate in. If she woke up, she could always refuse and they would support that but Hawke knew his sister and he didn’t think she would back out of the decisions they made for her. She was always the kind of girl to rise to a challenge, even if she didn’t think she was capable of it. 

“How did you find out about it?” Merrill asked with the curiosity Hawke had come to associate with her.

He hesitated. Bela had been surprisingly restrained about his crush since Bethany had fallen ill but he didn’t want to actually bring it up now. Tonight, he didn’t feel like dealing with lighthearted teasing about Anders on top of the disappointment of being turned down and dangling it in front of her just felt like asking for trouble. 

“One of the doctors mentioned it.” He hoped he sounded as calm and collected as he was trying it. “Mum and Carver liked the idea, we all think it’ll be best for her.”

Isabela opened her mouth but thankfully, the host started the night’s questions. Arguing with Fenris about the population size of cities within Tevinter kept her busy enough that she didn’t question his story and Hawke relaxed, tuning into Varric’s story about the latest controversy he was writing about. For as long as Hawke had known him, Varric had been a fantastic storyteller, and the journalism job he had acquired shortly after they had become friends suited him to a tee. 

“Hawke,” said Isabela as the first round ended and Fenris and Varric headed to the bar for drinks. “Are my eyes deceiving me or did a certain handsome doctor just enter the building?” 

For a split second, Hawke could have sworn his heart stopped beating as he spun around to look at the door. 

Sure enough, Anders stood in the doorway, fingers nervously combing through his hair as he gazed around the room.

_ He came,  _ Hawke thought.  _ He came! _

He strongly suspected the thought came out of his mouth in a kind of strangled squeak. 

“What are you looking at?” Merrill asked curiously, turning to look. “Oh. Oh! Hawke, it’s your doctor! The handsome one!”

Hawke’s whole face felt like it was burning and he was worried he was bright red. 

“I should go rescue him.  _ Please _ try and be normal? For his sake and for mine?”

Maybe inviting him was a mistake. It relied on trusting his friends to behave themselves, and he definitely hadn’t considered Isabela’s ‘Hawke’s future husband’ presentation when inviting the man. 

“Anders, hi! Hello!”

Obvious relief flooded across the other man’s face when he saw Hawke. 

“Hawke!”

“You came!” Hawke tried not to sound too excited. 

“I did.” He smiled shyly, and Hawke tried not to think about how he looked adorable. “I… I hope that’s ok.”

“I thought you were busy.” 

“I had a… meeting. We finished earlier than I thought though and I figured...I hope the invitation still stood.” 

“Yes, definitely.” Hawke grinned at him, still elated that he’d come. Maybe he hadn’t ruined everything after all. Now he just had to hope that his friends wouldn’t embarrass either of them too much. “Come on over, I’ll introduce you to the others!” As he started to lead the way, he hesitated. No point throwing Anders to the wolves without warning. “They’re great but they can be...a lot.”

“I’ve dealt with a lot before,” Anders said with a laugh. It was possible he was mistaken, but Hawke thought it sounded a little nervous. 

“If you’re feeling too overwhelmed, you can give me a panicked look and I’ll try and bail you out,” Hawke offered, pretending he had faith in his ability to reign Isabela in. Realistically, he wasn’t sure anyone truly had that ability, but he could at least try. Maybe he could distract her and hurry Anders out of the building. 

“I appreciate that,” Anders laughed and the flutter in Hawke’s chest grew. 

Reaching the table, Hawke offered Anders the choice of the chair he had been sitting in or the one next to it at the end of the table. Anders chose the end seat, placing him between Isabela and Hawke. 

“Everyone, this is Anders,” he said, sitting back in his own seat. “He’s a doctor. He’s the one who told us about the facility Bethany is going to.”

“Nice to see you again Anders!” Merrill chimed and Hawke saw Anders do a double take before seeming to recognise her. 

“Another brave spider warrior!” he exclaimed and Merrill beamed at him, clearly thrilled she had been remembered. 

“This is Merrill,” Hawke gestured to his friend. “And Isabela.” 

At her name, Isabela winked at him. 

“I’m  _ so _ thrilled to meet you,” she said.

Isabela was wonderful at putting emphasis on words to make sentences that should be completely innocent sound loaded with meaning and Hawke rolled his eye as his phone buzzed in his hand. He checked the message hurriedly, wondering if it would be news about Bethany. It was, somehow, from Isabela, who had managed to send it without a hint of it being obvious above the table. 

**_Isabela: 2 things, 1) u owe me INFO and 2) did u warn fenris?_ **

Fenris. Shit. 

“I’ll be back in a moment,” he said loudly, pushing back from the table. Praying that Anders would forgive him for inviting and then promptly abandoning him, he hurried to the bar in search of his friend. 

Just in time, he found his other friends as they began to return from the bar. 

“Fenris!” he exclaimed. “Before you go back, I...invited somebody. To join us.”

His friend raised a single dark eyebrow at him. 

“And?”

“He’s here,” Hawke continued, flustered. “It’s um...it’s the doctor. My doctor. I wanted to warn you.”

For a moment, Fenris didn’t react. Isabela had been at teasing Hawke for weeks and all of his friends were (unfortunately) aware of his crush, but Fenris had remained largely impartial. Beside them, Varric shifted uncomfortably. 

“I’ll give you two a moment,” he said, disappearing back to the table with the others. 

“I didn’t think to warn you earlier, sorry.” He hoped Fenris would hear how apologetic he felt. “I didn’t know he was coming, he said it was busy. I thought it might be better if you knew instead of just...walking in and realising who he was.”

Normally, Hawke was good at being mindful of his friend’s traumatic past and the experiences that had led to his understandable distrust of medical professionals. Fenris hadn’t had the best childhood, ending up alone on the streets at a young age. To survive, he had become involved with the local gangs, which had kept him safe until he had tried to leave and had ended up in hospital instead. A combination of the trauma and medical malpractice had had a profound impact on his memories, leaving that period of his life patchy at best and causing Fenris a great deal of discomfort with any kind of medical institution or professional. 

He had come a long way developing strategies to cope with his past trauma and Hawke would be incredibly frustrated at himself if his carelessness due to a crush made things hard for Fenris. 

“Thank you for the warning Hawke,” Fenris said finally, one finger absentmindedly tracing one of the tattoos branded into his skin, a permanent reminder of his past. “I’ll be prepared when I meet your….friend.”

They returned to the table together, Hawke placing a reassuring hand against Fenris’ back as he sensed the man stiffen again slightly at the sight of Anders at the table, enthralled in one of Varric’s stories. No doubt Varric was delighted to have a new audience who hadn’t already heard all of his best stories. Hawke noticed that his friend had returned to a different seat while they’d been absent, leaving Fenris the chair furthest away from Anders. 

As the two of them retook their seats, Anders glanced up at Hawke and smiled. He wished he could see Anders smiling at him like that forever. 

“No doubt Varric has introduced himself, “ Hawke said as the man reached the epic conclusion of his story. “Probably in great detail.” Varric threw a bar coaster at him. “And this is Fenris. Fenris, Anders.”

“Nice to meet you Fenris,” Anders said. Fenris gave him a curt nod in return. Hawke noticed Isabela looking at him, eyebrow raised in question and he gave her a reassuring nod. 

**_Isabela: youre lucky, could have gone badly._ **

Hawke had to admit that her friend’s ability to completely hide any sign of her texting was just as impressive with this message as it was with the last. 

They’d timed it just right to hear the host announcing their scores, ready to start round two. As usual, their team fell somewhere in the middle, skewing towards the bottom half. 

“Who are we?” Anders whispered to Hawke. It felt nice to hear Anders say ‘we’ and know he was talking about the two of them - admittedly with others, but still. They were a  _ ‘we’ _ .

“Champions of Kirkwall,” he whispered back, pretending to be normal and not internally overthinking a single word. “We’re coming 7th.”

It turned out Anders knew a lot about trivial subjects, especially with regards to political history and happenings. While shy initially, he soon gained confidence suggesting answers to questions. 

Throughout the round, Hawke kept an eye on Fenris. He sat a little stiffly, preferring to address others at the table rather than addressing Anders directly but overall he seemed to be coping ok, which Hawke was grateful for. Even so, he continued to watch. Just in case. 

“Question 27, what is the given name of the most recent Hero of Ferelden?” 

“Evelyn Cousland,” Anders said instantly, and Isabela threw her hands up in the air. 

“I think the rest of us can just go home,” she said. “Smarty pants here can just win the night for us.”

“How do you know that so quickly?” Hawke asked, impressed, and Anders laughed nervously. 

“I’ve uh… I’ve met her.” 

“I’m sorry, did you just say you’ve met the bloody Hero of Ferelden?” Isabela asked him. Even Fenris raised an eyebrow, a subtle sign he was impressed. 

“Ooh was she nice? She always looks nice in photos,” asked Merrill. 

“She’s very kind. Even in stressful situations. I met her through work, same way I know Stroud actually. Well before Kirkwall.”

“I bet her moustache isn’t as impressive as his,” said Hawke with a laugh. Anders laughed with him and Hawke rejoiced in causing that, wondering if Anders was also remembering their earlier conversation. 

The next question was a medical one and Anders was distracted but Hawke found himself still watching as the man argued with Isabela about the answer. 

“I’m literally a doctor!” he pointed out finally. “I know my medical terminology!” 

“Technicalities,” said Isabela in reply, waving him away with her hand. “But fine. If you  _ insist,  _ I can write your answer.”

“Just write the answer Rivaini,” Varric said, hitting her in the arm. 

When the answers were announced, it turned out he was right. 

While the host was marking, Anders shifted in his seat.

“I should probably go,” he said and Hawke pretended that didn’t make him a little sad. “It’s been a fun night though, thank you.” 

“Oh but you won’t know how we went! We might even do better than usual with you on our team,” objected Merrill. 

“I’m sure Hawke can let me know how the Champions of Kirkwall did.” Anders turned to face Hawke with a smile. “Can’t you?” 

“Definitely.” Hawke gazed back at him steadily. He should probably look away but… Anders hadn’t looked away yet either. 

Somebody cleared their throat, making Hawke jump. 

“I’ll walk you out.” He spoke too fast but Anders didn’t seem to notice or care. As they headed towards the exit, he could sense four pairs of eyes watching their every move. Very deliberately, he didn’t look back. 

Outside, Anders paused, facing Hawke. 

“So…” he said, hands in his pockets. “I had fun tonight.”

“I’m glad.” It was true. He’d been scared that Anders would regret coming. “You’re welcome to come again, if you’d like.”

Anders smiled at him. 

“I’ll see. Maybe I can make it again next time.” 

“I’d like that.”

“And I didn’t need you to step in and save me from your friends,” Anders joked, or at least Hawke assumed he was joking. He wasn’t serious, was he? Did he really feel like he could need saving?

“It’s always a positive when your- guest isn’t scared away by your friends,” Hawke laughed. There was a brief pause in the middle of the sentence, one where he almost said date before changing it last minute to guest, but he hoped Anders wouldn’t notice. They hadn’t discussed it being a date and he didn’t want to presume anything, as hopeful as he was and as much as he’d like that. 

“I’m not sure Fenris liked me though.” A faint crease appeared on Ander’s forehead as he frowned. 

“He… he has stuff going on,” explained Hawke, wanting to reassure Anders it was nothing personal but not wanting to lie and tell him he was misreading the situation. “Past issues with medical professionals. He’ll probably be a little distrustful of you at least a bit.”

“Oh.” Anders was quiet for a moment. “He’s not...anti vaccination or anything like that is he?”

“No! Definitely not. He’s just had some...not so pleasant experiences. I don’t want to give you details about somebody else’s trauma though, that’s his to share. He’ll come around eventually, I’m sure, once he realises you’re a pretty decent guy.” 

“I’m a pretty decent guy?” 

“A very decent guy.” Hawke’s heart was beating so hard in his chest he briefly wondered if the other man would be able to hear it. 

“And you think I’m likely to be around long enough for him to eventually realise that?” 

Oh. What should he say? Hawke realised he wasn’t breathing and forced himself to take a deep breath. 

_ Don’t mess this up Hawke.  _

“I’d like you to be around long enough,” he said, hoping he sounded smooth. He didn’t think he was cool enough to sound suave but there was no harm in trying, right? “I think you fit in well among my friends.”

Anders didn’t reply straight away. Instead, he stood silently in the car park, facing Hawke. A soft breeze blew past, catching strands of Anders’ hair and Hawke was struck with the urge to touch it, feel if it was as soft as it looked. 

“I’d like that I think,” Anders’ reply, when it finally came, was soft. “To be your friend.” 

Hawke’s heart sank, just a little. He wanted to be friends? 

“I’ve been told I’m an excellent friend,” he said, trying to keep his voice cheerful. 

“I’m sure you are Hawke.” 

Hawke wanted to grab him, tell him he wanted to be more than friends but if that was what Anders wanted, then he’d respect that. Friends with Anders was better than nothing with Anders, and Maker, he didn’t even know if the man was interested in other men. Maybe he’d never had a chance in the first place. 

“I’ll let you know how we did,” he said instead, despite having already agreed to do that earlier. He was grateful for the built in excuse to text Anders again. 

“Thank you. I’ll see you later.” Anders gave him a brief smile, slipping away with a quick wave to a nearby car.

Despite the urge to remain and watch the car as he left the car park, Hawke forced himself to leave, returning to the building. He didn’t want to look like a creep, lingering in a car park, watching. 

Of course, as soon as he stepped back inside, he realised his mistake. His friends were waiting and he would have to face them. Maybe he should have left at the same time, although that would just give them further ammunition to use against him the next time he saw them. Knowing Isabela, she’d probably turn up to his house, likely with at least one other friend in tow, looking for information if he didn’t go back in. 

As he retook his seat, he could tell that Isabela was trying very hard to appear as though she wasn’t about to jump on top of him. 

“You’ve been holding out on us Hawkey,” she said, ice clinking against the sides of her glass as one single finger absentmindedly stirred it. Hawke tried his best to plaster an innocent smile across his face. 

“Tell us everything!” Merrill added. “You said you don’t want to bother him while he was doing his job!”

“Yeah I’m gonna to need the details Hawke,” added Varric, no doubt planning the story he planned to tell at their future wedding. The brief image of Anders in a suit, surrounded by flowers, flashed into Hawke’s brain and he pushed it away. 

_ Not the right time _ , he told himself.  _ Also...not happening.  _

Fenris just rolled his eyes and Hawke held out a moment of hope that maybe he had at least one ally against this united front. But the look on Fenris’s face was curious and Hawke knew he was on his own. 

“Fine. He found me outside Bethany’s room that first night and helped take my mind off it. No, not like that,” he added at Isabela’s snort. “Get your mind out of the gutter. He told me about Bethy’s program and we texted a little bit then I invited him to join us. He said he was busy but then he made it, end of story.”

“Aww, cute!” exclaimed Merrill. 

“So when’s the big date?” Varric asked. “He seemed pretty interested in you.”

“Gross,” Fenris muttered across the table, almost too quietly for Hawke to hear while Isabela leaned forward across the table. 

“Yeah Hawke, are you kissing that gorgeous face yet? He’s even more handsome in real life.” 

“No.” Hawke hoped that the bitter disappointment in his voice was only apparent to him. “He just wants to be friends. He might be back again though, you guys didn’t scare him off too much.” 

“Oh Hawke.” Merrill shifted to sit beside him, one comforting arm around him. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m a big boy, I’m ok. I’m not sure it would have been going anywhere anyway.”

_ Liar _ . 

Maybe it wouldn’t have gone anywhere, but he had been hopeful. The hope that had been squashed a little when Anders had declined the initial invitation had started to grow again when he had seen the man walk in, but now it was smaller than ever.

He was sure it was a sign of respect that Isabela chose not to comment on him being a big boy.

“Enough about me though,” Hawke said in an attempt to change the subject. “I think we need to discuss Varric’s stories. Is it just me, or does the size of that beast grow every time he talks about it?”

The Champions of Kirkwall came fourth overall that night, a few places better than their average placement. Nobody said anything about Hawke sending Anders the result like he said he would, and while driving home, he briefly contemplated not sending at all. But, he decided in the end, that it would be a silly choice. If he wanted to be friends with Anders, he was happy to take any opportunity to talk.

It wasn’t until he was home, changed, and ready for bed that he did though. 

**_Hawke: we came #4_ **

**_Hawke: better than usual_ **

**_Hawke: thanks to you, mostly_ **

**_Anders: I’m glad I could help._ **

**_Hawke:_ ** **_You’ve been an incredible help, with everything_ **

He deleted that last message.

**_Hawke: you’ll have to come back again and help us with your superior knowledge_ **

He could tell Anders was writing a reply and he forced himself to start playing a game on his phone instead of just lying in bed, watching the dots and waiting.

**_Anders: Well, I guess if you insist. I can’t leave you all struggling like you have been._ **

**_Hawke: I don’t know how we survived without you keeping us going_ **

**_Anders: I’m sure you’d have found a way._ **

**_Hawke: probably_ **

**_Hawke: thankfully you’ve already agreed to come back. So now we don’t have to_ **

**_Anders: I guess I have no choice then._ **

**_Hawke: thank you again for coming_ **

**_Anders: Thank you for inviting me. I really did have fun._ **

**_Anders: It is past my bedtime though. Goodnight Hawke :)_ **

**_Hawke: goodnight! :)_ **

He contemplated sending ‘sweet dreams’ as well, but he was still concerned about coming on too strongly. Maybe he'd just leave if there. 

That night, despite not seeing a chance of anything more than friendship with Anders, Hawke still had his own sweet dreams about the man and a world where something  _ had _ happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Anders, kings of miscommunication (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆
> 
> I am glad I ended up splitting this from the previous chapter because it ended up longer than I thought it would! Once again, I highly recommend pub trivia nights as a social event, it’s a lot of fun. 
> 
> I don’t know what significance the Hero of Ferelden has to this AU but hey, clearly she’s some kind of celebrity. I hope my poor under appreciated Evelyn appreciates the shoutout because she doesn’t get a lot of attention amongst all my OCs.


	8. Friends and Family

Over the next few weeks, Hawke settled back into his regular routine. Working, coming home, playing with the dog, working, coming home, spending time with friends. There were only two significant changes.

First, his regular contact with Bethany was gone. She woke up the day before she left, and, as Hawke had predicted, she had totally supported the move to Orlais and her participation in Stroud’s research program. Their mother had tried to insist on going with them but Bethany had refused, with the support of the Wardens. She insisted that she needed to settle into this research alone, to help her adjust to the changes. 

Her absence made it so much harder for Hawke to communicate with her. They’d been too busy to see each other much lately but they’d talked regularly. With Bethany so busy in Orlais, Hawke quickly realised how much he missed her, almost as much as he had missed her while sitting next to her hospital bed, and she wasn’t able to contact him much. 

The second thing was Anders. The two of them didn’t talk much, both of them were busy with their jobs, after all, but most evenings there was a quick check in of how each other’s day had gone, often followed by a goodnight message. 

Anders kept his word, continuing to spend Wednesday with Hawke and his friends, helping raise the Champions from middle of the group to the lower range of the top group each week.

He managed to fit in with the others well, mostly. Fenris remained on edge but the two managed to be civil, Anders clearly remembering what Hawke had told him about the man and maintaining a respectful distance. 

It was a month after his initial visit that Anders had to leave early. 

“You’ll have to cope without me,” he said regretfully. “I really do need to go.”

“Guess we’ll drop back down in the placements,” Varric lamented dramatically, as though Anders hadn’t been able to keep their score from slipping in the one round he was able to stay for. 

“You’re more or less doomed,” agreed Anders, shrugging regretfully. “But I’ll see you next week.”

A chorus of ‘goodbyes’ rang out but Hawke was the one Anders made eye contact with. 

“See you then,” Hawke said with a small smile, one that widened when Anders returned it with one of his own. He always genuinely looked forward to the time he was able to spend with Anders. If he was being honest, he spent most of the time he wasn’t with him thinking about the next time he would be able to see him.

“So Hawke,” Varric said and Hawke forced himself to pull his eyes away from Anders’ backside as the man walked out the door in order to look at his friend. “When are you gonna ask Blondie out?”

Hawke’s cheeks burned hot as he felt all the blood rush to his face.

“I- what?” he spluttered, pretending not to know what the other man was talking about. 

“You can’t keep your eyes off him Hawke,” Varric pushed. “Just like he can’t keep his eyes off you.” 

“If the two of you weren’t so damn attractive, it’d be nauseating, really,” added Isabela, emptying her remaining half a glass of beer in two gulps. “Stop avoiding each other and bed the man already.”

He didn’t think it was possible but Hawke felt his face get even hotter.

“I _told_ you, he’s not interested,” he protested. “You all know I like him but it’s not going to happen.”

“Are you sure Hawke?” Even Merrill was in on this, like some kind of romantic intervention. Had they planned this in advance? “He _seems_ like he likes you.”

“How do you know he is only interested in being friends?” Maker, even _Fenris_ was in on this? 

“He _told_ me.” It came out louder than he expected and he made an attempt to lower his voice. “He told me he wanted to be friends.”

Four pairs of eyes gazed at him in silence, a silence which was broken by the sound of Hawke’s phone receiving a message. His eyes darted sideways to see what it was. 

**_Anders: Sorry I had to leave early. I’m sure you’ll be able to keep-_ **

The preview of the message cut off, and given the current context, Hawke wasn’t inclined to open it in front of his friends. 

“Anders?” Isabela sounded smug. A second message followed the first and this time, Hawke forced himself not to look, as much as he wanted to. 

“It’s a friendly text,’ Hawke muttered, not wanting to look at her. 

“I think we’re all friends with Blondie by this point Hawke,” said Varric. “You’re the only one he texts.”

“I’m going to get a drink.” Hawke bumped the table as he stood, causing the glasses already sitting on the wobbly tables to clink against each other. As he moved to the bar, he tried to keep his walking steady so he couldn’t be accused of storming off. 

**_Anders: Sorry I had to leave early. I’m sure you’ll be able to keep the Champions going without me though. I’ll see you next week._ **

**_Anders: All of you that is._ **

He knew what Anders meant but he still allowed himself to imagine what it might be like to have Anders see _all_ of him. 

**_Hawke: all good. you haven’t missed much_ **

**_Hawke: they’re all being a pain in the ass anyway_ **

As he turned away from the bar, beer in hand, he sensed a quiet figure beside him. Merrill. 

“I’m sorry we pushed Hawke,” she said softly. “We should have respected that you didn’t want to talk about it.”

Hawke didn’t reply as he took a sip of his drink, reluctant to return to the table yet. 

“We all just want you to be happy and it seems like he makes you happy. But we’ll stop if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“He does make me happy,” he finally admitted. “But that’s why I don’t want to ruin being his friend by pushing for more, especially when he _said_ he’d like to be my friend. What if I try for more and end up with less?” 

“He wouldn’t be very sensible if he gave up a friend who tries so hard to be respectful of his feelings, would he?” Merrill wrapped her arms around him in a hug, which he did his best to reciprocate while not spilling his drink all over her. 

“Thanks Merrill,” he said, pulling back from her after a moment to better look at his friend. 

“Are you ready to come back? I can buy you some time if you need.”

The faint smell of musty smoke tickled Hawke’s nose as he took a deep breath in, thinking. 

“I’ll be back in a moment,” he said. “Thank you Merrill.”

Before heading back to the table place, he checked his phone again. There was a new message from Anders. 

**_Anders: I’m shocked, truly. What are they doing?_ **

Somehow, he hadn’t thought ahead to anticipate that Anders may ask _why_ he was complaining, despite Anders being a wonderful listener who regularly showed concern for Hawke’s problems. _They’re annoying me by pushing me to ask you to be more than friends_ wasn’t really a reply he wanted to send. Instead, he decided to tell a little white lie, based on a truth from the past. 

**_Hawke: Varric bet Isabela he could build a bigger tower out of bar coasters than her_ **

**_Hawke: it’s getting competitive_ **

The great Tower incident had occurred several months earlier and, if the pub had particularly cared about enforcing rules, probably should have seen them kicked out. Describing it as ‘getting competitive’ was an understatement and the result had been hotly contested. But, Hawke figured, there was nothing more effective than playing on old rivalries to cause a distraction and the lie had the benefit of killing two birds with one stone - hiding the conversation from Anders and changing the topic of conversation from him and his crush. 

“Hey Varric,” he said, finally returning to the table. “Who won that tower competition a little while back. It was Isabela right?”

Companions suitably distracted, Hawke felt himself relax a little. 

The remaining hour or so passed relatively uneventfully - or at least it did once the argument subsided - with Anders not even being mentioned until the end when the scores were announced. Even then it was only in passing to mention the change his contribution might have made. 

Hawke drove Isabela home that night. As they reached her apartment, he briefly thought he had managed to get away without another mention of Anders at all. He was mistaken. 

“Charity Fair is this weekend,” said his friend as she exited the car. The Charity Fair was exactly what it sounded like - a fair raising money and awareness for a range of different charities and nonprofit organisations. The organisation Isabela worked for was one of the main organisers and she took pride in dragging as many people along as she could every single time it was on. “You should bring your sexy doctor. Relax,” she added as Hawke started to protest, “everyone is coming. It won't just be the two of you.” 

He sighed. As much as he didn’t want to admit it to her, it was a good idea. The Charity Fair was always fun and the idea of inviting Anders out for a whole day was highly appealing. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

He did think about it, all the way home after Isabela finally climbed out of his car, but if he was being honest with himself, there was no way that he was turning down the possibility of spending more time with Anders now the idea had been planted in his head. 

**_Hawke: hey! So there’s this fair this Sunday, fundraising for charities and stuff! Did you want to come with me?_ **

He tried not to watch for a reply but he didn’t have to wait long. 

**_Anders: I’d love to._ **

**_Hawke: great! Isabela works for one of the charities involved and she always forces us all to come. We always have lots of fun!_ **

Anders’ reply was slower this time. 

**_Anders: Let me know where and when._ **

Hawke sent him the details as he got ready for bed, checking for replies as he changed. When none came, the little voice in his head tried to convince him that maybe Anders didn’t _really_ want to come or regretted saying yes. But even that little voice couldn’t quite squash his growing butterflies. 

*

Hawke gulped down half of the water he’d set beside him as he waited for the computer to do something. When the incoming call tone finally sounded, he nearly knocked over the glass in his haste to answer. 

“Garrett?” 

“Bethy! How are you?”

The warden program logo was visible on the shirt under her oversized cardigan, some kind of Orlesian writing underneath. She was still pale, even more so than usual, even these few weeks after first waking up, and while she looked much better, she still didn’t totally look well. The more he learned about the Blight, the more Hawke understood why the Warden program was so intensive and why they expected people to be committed for a while. 

This was the first chance they’d had to talk since Bethany had left. At first, she had been on non-contact, and then just the simple act of organising a time had delayed this conversation. Hawke was determined to make the most of it. 

“Tired but I’m really enjoying it here,” she said, the weariness reflected in the way her eyes remained tired as she smiled at him. “It’s a lot but I can see them helping.”

“Bethy I’m so sorry,” Hawke started but she shook her head, cutting him off. 

“Don’t be sorry. There’s no reason to. You’re not allowed to feel guilty.” 

“But…”

“Promise me you won’t?” Bethany looked through the screen at him using those big brown eyes he was never able to resist. He let out a sigh, knowing it was useless to argue. 

“Fine,” he said. The promise didn’t make him feel less guilty but at least he could try. “I promise.”

“Now tell me more about the doctor who mentioned this program,” Bethany said, changing the subject. “Does he have anything to do with that doctor Isabela told me about? Dr Hawke-to-be as she called him.”

Hawke cheeks flushed red. Of _course_ Isabela had told her. She’d probably told Carver too, and maybe their mother, and probably the people on her bus ride home too. 

“It helped you, didn’t it?” He muttered, hoping she wouldn’t notice the colour rising in his cheeks through the screen. 

“I’m very grateful. You’ll have to keep him around until I get home so I can thank him in person.” Bethany giggled as Hawke rolled his eyes at her. 

“You’ve been taking lessons from Bela. But you’ll be pleased to know he’s going to Bela’s Charity Fair with me.”

“Are you going to flirt with him?”

Thankfully he was saved by a welcome interruption. Amell, seeming to recognise Bethany’s voice, jumped on top of Hawke in an effort to say hello while his sister cooed in delight at her. 

Subject successfully changed, they talked for a little while longer. Hawke could see the fatigue building in his sister’s movements, even as she did nothing but sit and talk.

“It’s been great talking to you Bethy,” he said finally, not wanting to keep her from resting any longer than necessary. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, big brother.” 

“Same time next week?” He asked. She may no longer be in Kirkwall, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still spend time with her. “Maybe we could watch a movie or something.”

“I’d like that.” Bethany smiled at him. “See you then. And keep that doctor around. Have fun at the fair.”

Before he had a chance to even think about responding, she gave him a quick wave and a wink and ended the call, leaving him looking at a blank screen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter felt too short so I added in the call with Bethany. Once it was finished though, it felt kind of like it didn’t fit in right but I swear it took me twice as long to write that little section as it did to write the rest so I wasn’t taking it out!
> 
> EVERYBODY wants Hawke and Anders together, including Hawke and Anders. Unfortunately, everybody EXCEPT Hawke and Anders can see that. But I love my idiot boys <3 
> 
> The next chapter is written (the next two actually) but they’re longer ones and I hate editing. So idk how quick it’ll be! I’m also trying to keep at least a chapter written beyond what I’ve posted so I don’t lose motivation and feel like I’ll never update :)


	9. The Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, I feel like I need to say that this fair is based loosely based on an event my city puts on during our Pride Month festival thing. There’s music, public speakers, stuff like face painting and food stalls, but also a whole bunch of information stalls. There’s a bunch of different lgbt+ groups along with stuff that’s not explicit lgbt+ but often relevant, like sexual health and family planning, the AIDS Action Council etc., and then there’s stuff like Amnesty International as well. I took all of that and mushed it with your standard “fair” with rides and stuff along with a couple of other community events featuring live music and food stalls to create this event that probably wouldn’t exist anywhere in real life but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The day of the fair, Hawke found himself standing in front of the mirror, deliberating over his outfit. Should he wear the red plaid shirt over a black T-shirt or the red dragon T-shirt? He wasn’t somebody that usually spent a lot of time thinking about what to wear, but he wanted to look good for today. After all, Isabela always insisted on taking a lot of photographs on these days and he wanted to look good for them. 

Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could convince himself that was the only reason why he cared so much. Nothing to do with Anders. 

Hawke sighed. Normally when he was stuck on decisions like this, he would just send a message to Bela and force her to choose for him. She had no qualms telling him exactly what made him look good - or bad for that matter - and  _ exactly _ how. But he knew she would already be busy with all of the organisational stuff that went along with those days, and he knew she would probably not believe his excuse that it was for her photos. 

Despite his best efforts, he found himself wondering which one Anders would like most, if he’d have a preference. Pushing the thought aside, he shrugged off the plaid shirt in favour of the dragon T-shirt. Not quite as dressy, but very representative of him as a person. And he’d be lying if he hadn’t noticed how the shirt made his arms look pretty good.

Parking was often difficult at these events so the group had organised to travel together. Hawke had extended the offer to Anders but the man had declined, instead opting to meet them there. 

Hawke lived closest to the event so the group picked him picked him up last. As Fenris focused on finding somewhere to park, Hawke sat nervously in the back of the car, anxiously tapping his fingers against his legs. 

“It’s ok Hawke,” Merrill reassured him, resting a hand against his leg. “Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried,” Hawke said, possibly a little too quickly. “Why would I be worried? I’m just excited to have a nice day with a group of friends.” 

The fair was already busy as they entered. A combination of information and resource stalls mixed with games and more traditional fairground events. A pair of children ran past, helium balloons in tow, as Hawke glanced nervously around, eyes seeking out Anders. 

**_Hawke: let us know when you’re here!_ **

“If he is the decent man you think he is, you’ll be ok, Hawke.” Fenris appeared beside him as the others headed off in front of them in search of Isabela’s stall. 

“I know,” Hawke said, weaving through the crowd, Fenris by his side. “I just want him to have a good day. I invited him so if it sucks, it’s my fault.” 

“I’m not sure he wouldn’t mind some sucking,” Fenris said, disappearing after the others while Hawke took a moment to register if Fenris had  _ really _ just said what it sounded like he had. 

Given the crowds, Hawke didn’t catch up with the others until they had already found Isabela’s stall, where she was enthusiastically talking to a couple about what the organisation helped do. While they waited for her to finish, Hawke browsed absentmindedly through the brochures displayed on the table. 

“Looking good Hawkey,” Isabela said when she finally finished, looking at him in approval. “That shirt definitely shows off those arms.” 

“Does it? I hadn’t thought about it” Hawke hoped he wasn’t obviously blushing, wondering if he could blame the blush on Isabela’s attention if it was. 

“It does!” Merrill chimed in while even Fenris nodded in agreement. Hawke was increasingly realising that Fenris was not going to be as much of an ally against the others as he had assumed, even with his distrust of the medical profession. 

“Are we going to look around or are we going to stand here drooling over Hawke’s arms all day?” Varric asked, rolling his eyes. 

“I don’t mind the arms.” Isabela winked at them, turning away as somebody else approached her stall. “I’m here for another hour and then I get a break.” 

The group started by wandering past the informative stalls, Merrill making it her job to collect as many pamphlets, flyers and promotional pens as she possibly could. It was hard to tell for sure but Hawke suspected Fenris was hoarding the free promotional pens. 

“I might need them one day,” Merrill said in her own defense as the pile of papers in her bag grew. 

They’d finished about half of that area before Hawke heard from Anders. 

**_Anders: I’m just out the front now. Where should I meet you?_ **

“Something tells me Blondie has entered the building.” Varric winked at him. “Our Hawkey’s face just lit up.” Hawke rolled his eyes at his friends in response as he texted Anders their current location. 

Merrill spotted the doctor first, waving excitedly at him through the crowd. 

“Good morning Anders,” she said cheerfully, the latest acquired pamphlets clutched in one fist. “We haven’t done any of the fair things yet.”

“Morning.” Hawke smiled shyly, trying to hide his excitement. This was the first time he had seen Anders outside during the day like this - every other time had been either in the hospital, under the artificial lighting, or during the evenings when the sun was already in the process of setting. The sunlight caught the colour in Anders’ hair, highlighting the pale orange in his strawberry blonde hair.

“There are more people here than I expected,” Anders said, gazing around as he joined them. 

“It always raises a lot of money. Awareness of different charities too, and helping connect people with the resources they didn’t know exist,” Hawke explained. 

“I’m going to keep looking around!” Merrill flitted away to the remaining stalls, Varric trailing after her with a muttered comment about making sure some at least  _ some _ paper stayed on the tables. Fenris stayed put, standing beside Hawke, who was grateful to not be thrust into the awkward situation of forcing Anders to be alone with him when that wasn’t what they’d agreed on. 

“I’ll have to look around too,” Anders said, peering at one of the nearby tables. “Always useful to know who I can refer people to.”

Hawk hadn’t considered that Anders was in a position where he regularly helped people, and thus would be specifically interested in the medical, mental health, financial, and legal aid charities and organisations advertising at the fair. Even if it was something he’d overlooked, he was glad it would be relevant to Anders. 

“Let’s go look then!” The excitement of the fair and the anticipation of the day with Anders was making Hawke excited and he was keen to keep going with the day. “We can start over here.”

“I’ll just go find…” Fenris started to say but Hawke interrupted him. If he was left alone with Anders, he’d probably make an idiot of himself and then Anders would never want to spend time with him again. 

“Come on Fenris!” Not giving his friend the chance to object, Hawke grabbed his hand and pulled him after them. He could explain later, and Fenris was probably the least likely of all of them to say something risky to Anders.

Hawke had already looked at some of the stalls but he followed happily as Anders worked his way through them, Fenris trailing behind a little more reluctantly. Unlike Merrill, he was much more selective with the information he collected. 

“Rivaini will be finished manning the stall soon.” Varric rejoined them, Merrill at his side. “Thinking we could go get some food and explore the rest with her.” 

“Are you hungry Anders?” Hawke asked, not wanting to force any expectations on him. He suspected he was overthinking...well, almost every aspect of the day honestly, but knowing that didn’t make it easy to stop. “Or you Fenris? Merrill?” Maybe if he played it cool, Anders wouldn’t notice that Hawke was so focused on him.

“I’d enjoy a snack,” Anders said with a smile that Hawke thought was directed at him, but that was probably just wishful thinking. 

“Ooh do you think they have those spiral potatoes on a stick?” Merrill looked around then started digging in her bag, presumably either for her wallet or the map. 

It turned out they did, in fact, have the spiral potatoes, and Isabela found the group while in line at the van. At some point since they left her, she’d acquired a sparkly rainbow heart sticker which was stuck to her chest. 

“Present for you, babe,” she said, flinging an arm around Merrill as she pressed a kiss against her cheek, a pink, purple and blue heart sticker in her other hand. Merrill grabbed it in excitement, sticking it straight on her dress. “I have more for you boys,” she added, additional stickers appearing in her hand so quickly that Hawke didn’t even see where they came from. Knowing Isabela, they could have been stashed anywhere. 

“Isabela, I’m sure you’ve known me long enough to know I don’t put stickers on my body,” Fenris pointed out. “Or glitter.” 

Isabela pouted at him but turned away. Knowing her, Fenris would probably find multiple stickers hidden around his person in various pockets and locations later in the day, assuming he didn’t catch her trying to plant them. 

“Hawke? Anders?” She turned to face them, a sticker held up in each hand. Hawke hesitated. Normally he’d grab one without thinking and surely Anders wouldn’t think stickers were stupid, right? Although maybe he’d be uncomfortable with the expectation that he wore some kind of pride sticker, especially if he was straight - Hawke still didn’t know either way. 

“Thank you Isabela,” Anders said, making the decision for Hawke easy as he plucked a rainbow sticker out of Isabela’s fingers. Hawke grabbed a pink, purple and blue bi pride sticker for himself, but before he had a chance to do anything with it, they were at the front of the food line. 

“Do you...want one?” He asked awkwardly, pulling out his wallet while Merrill ordered hers. “I mean obviously you’re lined up for one like me but I can shout you one.”

Anders hesitated for a moment before answering. 

“Thank you Hawke, I would appreciate that.” 

Should he offer to buy everybody else one too? Would Anders notice that he was the only one offered? Was he just overthinking this as well? Thankfully Merrill had already ordered and moved away, the others following, leaving the two of them alone at the front of the line and taking away the need for Hawke to keep overthinking. With none of the others nearby, at least he had plausible deniability that he might have paid for the others too. 

He ordered their potatoes, the pair of them moving to join the others as they ate. 

“I’m going to go find the petting zoo!” Without waiting for a response, Merrill disappeared off into the crowd of people. 

“One day, that girl is going to disappear for good, I swear.” Varric shook his head after her. “Somebody has to make sure she’s ok. Otherwise she’ll be lost or end up with at least one of the lambs in her house.” 

“Fenris I need your help with something,” Isabela said, as Varric followed Merrill. “Shouldn’t take long. We’ll find you when it’s finished Hawke, Anders.” 

Before Hawke fully comprehended what was happening, they were gone too, Isabela dragging Fenris away to leave the two of them alone. 

Of course they were alone. There was no way of knowing if his friends had planned this in advance of if it’d been more of a spur of the moment, opportunistic thing but it was undoubtedly intentional. 

“So,” he said, stuffing the last of his potato in his mouth. Of course Anders was eating his much more gracefully. “What now?”

Anders laughed. 

“It’s ok Hawke, you don’t need to be nervous.”

Standing close to Anders like this, sun shining down on them, Hawke could see the smattering of freckles scattered across Anders’ nose and he tried not to stare too obviously. 

“I still have this sticker,” he said, realising it was still clutched in his hand. “What should I put it?” 

Anders reached up and plucked it from his fingers. 

“You can’t wear that,” he said. “The colours won’t match. You can’t wear red with pink, purple and blue. This one will look much better.” Peeling the back off his own rainbow sticker, he stepped closer. “May I?”

Hawke nodded, fighting the urge to hold his breath with Anders in such close proximity. Anders pressed the sticker against his chest, positioning it strategically around the dragon.

“I guess that means you get that one.” Hawke gestured to the bisexual pride sticker Anders had taken from it, hoping that the man would agree. As Anders nodded, Hawke released the breath he didn’t realise he was holding. 

“You’re right. Where should I put it?” 

Hawke stepped back, eyes running up and down Anders, delighting in the opportunity to do so without having to worry about making Anders uncomfortable.

“Your arm maybe?” 

“Hawke I don’t know if you’ve noticed this,” Anders said, his tone dry. “But my complexion doesn’t exactly lend itself to the sun. I burn like a lobster if I’m not careful.”

“A very handsome lobster at least,” Hawke laughed, Anders laughing with him, an odd expression on his face. Hawke  _ definitely _ had noticed Anders’ complexion - that beautiful pale skin and freckles - but he didn’t want to tell Anders that. 

“I’m wearing sunblock but I really don’t want a heart burnt onto my arm indefinitely.”

“Alright, fair. Maybe on your shirt like mine?” 

“Would you do the honours?” Anders held the sticker out to Hawke. He pulled the back off and pressed it against Anders’ chest, right over his heart, enjoying the moment of contact. 

“It suits you,” he said, stepping back to admire his handiwork. As if anything Anders wore  _ wouldn’t  _ suit him. 

“So does yours,” Anders replied. “Both the sticker and your shirt. It’s very you.”

Hawke laughed nervously, suddenly nervous and lost for words. 

“Should we wander this way?” Anders said, nodding his head towards the rides and games section of the fair. Hawke nodded wordlessly, cursing his inability to think in situations like this. As they walked, he kept thinking about how much he’d like to hold Anders’ hand. 

As they walked, a child with her face painted like a dragon walked past. Hawke tried to play it cool but apparently his excited gasp was a little more obvious intended because Anders laughed, glancing around him.

“The face painting is over there,” he said, pointing out the stall. “Should we head over there?” 

“Oh,” Hawke said, knowing he was blushing. “No it’s ok.”

“Are you sure?” Anders took a step backwards towards the face painters. “Because I’m going over there.” 

“No, come back,” Hawke laughed as he followed Anders closer. 

“Are you saying you don’t want to be a dragon?” 

Hawke covered his face with his hands, embarrassed but also enjoying himself immensely. If it meant time with Anders, he was happy for the man to tease him as much as he wanted. 

“Hawke the dragon?” Anders turned to look at the sample pages on the table. “Oh look, you have two options.” He held up both sheets for Hawke to see and Hawke bit his lip, tempted. The idea of being a dragon  _ was _ very tempting. 

“How much?” Anders asked one of the painters. 

“Just a donation,” she replied. “Fundraising for the charities.” 

Anders pulled a few dollars out of his pocket, raising an eyebrow at Hawke. One of the sample dragon photos still dangled from his fingers while Hawke tried not to smile. 

“Alright fine,” he said, giving into the smiling and the face paint. “I will if you will.”

“Deal.” Anders gave the face painters the money and the pair sat down while Hawke decided which dragon he was going to be. As the woman painting his face worked, Hawke tried to watch what Anders was choosing. As hard as he tried though, brush tickled his cheek and blocked his view. He would just have to wait until they were finished to see what Anders picked. 

Hawke’s dragon was finished before Anders’ and he admired it in the offered mirror with delight. The original inspiration was green and brown but the artist had taken the initiative to add some extra red to her work. 

“It’ll match your shirt,” she’d explained while working. 

The glitter on the scales caught in the sunlight as he moved, sparkling along with the glitter on his sticker. 

He checked his phone while waiting for Anders to be finished.

**_Isabela: hows it going hawkey? ;) ;)_ **

**_Hawke: I’m a dragon!_ **

**_Isabela: ???_ **

He snapped a selfie, but before he had the chance to send it along with the message, Anders was beside him. 

“I’m a cat,” he grinned, clearly just as excited about being a cat as Hawke was about being a dragon. 

“Very cute,” Hawke grinned back at him. “I was just taking a photo for Bela, come be in it!”

Anders slipped in beside him while Hawke took another. It was only a moment later that he realised that this was the first photo of Anders he had that hadn’t been saved by somebody else from a professional website, and the first photo he had of the two of them. 

“A cat and a dragon,” Anders said, checking the photo over Hawke’s shoulder. “What a cute pair.” 

Ignoring how his heart sped up hearing Anders use the word ‘cute’ in a sentence about him, about  _ them _ , Hawke sent the photo to Isabela.

**_Isabela: me-ow ;)_ **

“Thanks for making me a dragon Anders.”

“You’re welcome.”

Their eyes met, holding for what felt like a moment too long but neither he nor Anders looked away until another the sound of Hawke’s phone signalled the arrival of another message. A photo of Merrill cradling a baby goat, rabbit by her side, looking as though she was having the best day of her life. It was possible Varric’s concern that Merrill would end up bringing at least one animal home were legitimate. He also wondered how long it had been since Isabela, and presumably Fenris as well, had joined Merrill and Varric. 

**_Hawke: what happened to ‘we’ll find you when we’re finished’?_ **

**_Isabela: were finished. youre not_ **

Anders got a message too and he laughed, turning his phone around to show Hawke. 

**_Isabela: youre looking good kitty cat_ **

As Hawke read, she sent a second message to both of them - one full of cat emojis to Anders and one full of angel faces to him. 

“Want to go find the petting zoo?” Anders suggested. “I think there was a puppy in the background of Merrill’s photo.”

Hawke gaped. 

“Yes! Of course!”

“I think it was back this way,” Anders said, appearing to try - and fail - to hide the amused smile on his face. Hawke didn’t mind. Anything that made Anders show off that little smile was a win to him, even if it was at his expense. Hawke enjoyed looking at his face whatever he was doing but he looked even more attractive when he was smiling.

“Let’s go!” He grabbed Anders’ hand to pull him along, much like he had earlier with Fenris, so excited to get through the crowd quickly that he didn’t even think about it for a couple of seconds until it hit him that he was  _ holding Anders’ hand.  _ Once he registered what he was doing, he dropped it, looking back to check the man was still following. He was, with a smile on his painted face, and Hawke shot him a another quick smile before turning back to watch where he was going.

The animal yard was busy when they found it, mostly with children. Varric watched from the side as Merrill perched on a hay bale, watching two of the baby lambs playing in fascination. Only a short distance away, Fenris cradled a sleeping baby rabbit in his arms while Isabela danced around him in delight, taking what seemed to be as many photos as she possibly could as Fenris glared at her. 

Merrill noticed them first. 

“You’re a dragon Hawke!” she exclaimed in excitement, beckoning them over. “Oh, and Anders, you’re a cat! Should I get my face painted too?” 

As they slipped through the gate, Anders was accosted by a goat, who seemed to have decided that the hem of his shirt looked like a tasty snack. 

“Careful,” Hawke said, stepping in between them to divert the animal away. Anders laughed, brushing some of the goat saliva away. 

“Thanks for the help,” he said. “I should keep you around to help protect me from any other rogue animals. As long as they’re not spiders of course.”

Hawke started to object but the puppies in the corner of the pen caught his attention and distracted him. There were three of them altogether, two asleep and one playing with a toy. The puppy was more than happy to allow Hawke to share her toy as long as it involved a tug of war game. After a few moments, however, she decided the game was too much energy expended and climbed onto his lap instead, curling up in a small ball while Hawke ran his fingers through her soft, speckled fur. 

Anders knelt beside him, giving one of the other sleeping puppies a quick pat. 

“This is the best day ever,” Hawke beamed up at Anders. “I’m a dragon and there’s a puppy asleep in my lap.”  _ And you’re here _ , his brain added but he chose not to verbalise that part. But Anders  _ was _ here with him, with the sun in his hair, smiling back at him. He’d have to thank Isabela for this idea of inviting him along later. 

As if she knew he was thinking about her, Isabela appeared in front of them, phone outstretched in front of her as she snapped another photo. Apparently Fenris had managed to escape his bunny themed photo shoot. 

“We’re going to go get some more food,” she said, phone still pointing at them. “You boys take your time.” The wink she directed at Hawke was not at all subtle and he doubted that Anders wouldn’t have seen it. He just rolled his eyes at her as an answer. 

“Do you want to stay Hawke?” Anders asked softly. He looked at the puppy sleeping in his lap and for a moment, he considered saying yes. But then his stomach rumbled and he changed his mind. 

“I wouldn’t mind some food.” Shifting the puppy as gently as possible to avoid waking it fully, Hawke reluctantly set it back down on the ground, wondering if he’d be able to come back later. Anders offered a hand to help him up, and he took it, pulling himself to standing and trying not to think about how he was holding Anders’ hand again, if only for a second. 

They rejoined the group and sorted out food from the numerous food stalls scattered around the area. A makeshift stage had been set up with live music performed throughout the day. As Merrill set up the picnic blanket she had been carrying around in her bag, a woman with a lute was performing, her voice echoing around the walls and paved surfaces and making the atmosphere calming despite the bustle of the crowds. Anders sat next to Hawke - who pretended not to be too excited - and Hawke managed to steal a couple of his french fries with only a halfhearted swat to knock his hand away. 

Varric suggested a game of cards, producing a deck from his pocket to support his suggestion. 

“I’ll just watch,” Hawke said, stretching out in the sun. He was tired from lunch and the heat of the day and content to just rest. The rest of his friends gathered around as Varric dealt the cards with the exception of Isabela, who also made herself comfortable in the sun next to Hawke. 

“So,” she said, shifting so her elbow propped her up as the game next to them started, “seems like you’re having a good day.” Just to eliminate any chance that Hawke would misinterpret her words as genuine interest in just his day, she winked suggestively with a head nod in the direction of where the others sat on the other side of their mat. 

“Yeah.” He wasn’t even going to argue with her on that. It was turning out to be a great day. He closed his eyes against the brightness in the sky, listening to the singer’s voice, waiting for Isabela to continue speaking. She didn’t, his phone signalling a message instead. 

When he saw the message was from Isabela, he rolled his eyes, preparing himself for whatever joke she wanted to make that was too inappropriate to say out loud, or at least in front of Anders. 

It wasn’t a joke at all though, it was a photo. A photo of him in the animal enclosure, puppy on his lap, gazing up at Anders beside him. All of the happiness he had felt in that moment was captured in his expression in the photo. It was followed by another photo, seemingly taken a few moments earlier, of Hawke looking at the puppy instead of Anders. The other man still stood beside him, not kneeling yet, looking down at Hawke with a soft expression he couldn’t quite read. 

The photos were beautiful and he was grateful to Isabela for taking them. Even if nothing else ever happened, they were the perfect memory for how happy he felt right now. 

“Thank you Bela,” he said quietly, making sure they were both saved to his phone along with the face paint selfie. 

“Purely for selfish reasons,” she said, elbowing him in the ribs. “The two of you are both very attractive. It wouldn’t be fair to not encourage such a good looking couple.”

Hawke hit her in the thigh with the back of his hand as Anders swore at the result of the card game. Somebody probably should have warned him how ruthless Hawke’s friends could be at cards. At least with Isabela not playing, the amount of cheating was probably  _ slightly _ less but Varric and Fenris were still ruthless.

“Go help your man,” Isabela said. “Varric deserves to lose for once.” 

Hawke shifted back to sitting beside Anders 

“Want some help?” 

It was easy to pass time with the cards, Hawke choosing not to play but whispering tips to Anders about the strategies and tells his friends used, things he had learnt through time and experience play with them. By the time they decided to move on, Anders was faring much better and only Hawke’s insider knowledge about the cards Anders actually had helped him realise that Anders knew how to cheat just as well as the rest of them. 

They headed to the rides next. Anders refused to go on any of the adrenaline fueled rides but was happy on the spinning teacups and the Ferris wheel. Isabela tried to get the two of them onto the Ferris wheel alone, but it was a ride that had large baskets that fit multiple people. 

“Needs to be full sorry,” the ride operator had told them so they’d all ended up in there together. As the ride circled around, looking down over the fair and the views of Kirkwall, Hawke found he didn’t mind not being alone. Sitting with his leg pressed up against Anders in the small space was enough. 

When they’d had their fill of the rides, they all decided collectively that they’d had enough. Being out in the sun all day was exhausting, especially when you were also walking around and participating in things. 

Isabela had to go back to the stall, having volunteered to participate in the set up and pack up in exchange for having most of the day free to enjoy the celebration. The others headed back to the car park. 

“Do you need a lift home?” Hawke asked Anders. He didn’t know exactly how he’d arrived or if he had a plan for getting home and he didn’t want to leave him stranded. Anders shook his head though. 

“I called a friend for a lift,” he said, holding up his phone. “They’ll be here soon. I don’t want to make Fenris go any further out of his way.” 

“Surely it wouldn’t be far,” Hawke said, realising as he said it that he didn’t actually have a clue where Anders lived. Anders raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Darktown isn’t far but definitely the opposite direction from here to where you and Fenris have said you lived.”

“Oh.” He was right. Darktown had a reputation for being a tough place, but Hawke suspected that like any location, it had good and bad parts, and reputations could be exaggerated. Hopefully Anders lived in a decent part but something about him made Hawke feel like he could probably take care of himself whenever he was. 

“A common reaction when I tell people where I live,” Anders laughed. 

“I’ll wait with you till they get here?” 

“Thank you.”

The others had already started to disappear into the distance in the car park so Hawke sent them a quick message,

**_Hawke: catch up in a bit_ **

**_Hawke: just waiting for Anders lift to get here_ **

Messages sent, confident that his friends wouldn’t be worried about where he was, Hawke turned back to Anders and found himself lost for words. The cat paint on the other man’s face was still there, although slightly smudged and cracked in a few places and he resisted the urge to trace a whiskers along Anders’ cheek with a finger. He wondered how his own dragon paint was faring, if it had cracked in the same way. On Anders’ chest, the heart sticker still proudly glittered in the light that was beginning to fade. 

_ Say something, _ his brain urged him but he just didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell Anders how much fun he’d had, how much he liked spending time with him, that his presence made today even more enjoyable than it would have bend otherwise but all he could think about was how close Anders was. 

“I…” he opened his mouth to croak out something, Maker knows what, that hopefully would turn out understandable. Thankfully Anders interrupted him before he had the chance to embarrass himself. 

“Thank you Hawke. For everything. I had a wonderful day today, with you.” 

“Well if I’m involved, of course it was a good day,” Hawke joked, trying to cover up the way his brain had started to short circuit at Anders’ words. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. What kind of ridiculous joke was that? And at a moment like this? 

Apparently though, Anders didn’t seem to mind. 

“I agree,” he said and Maker, was he standing even closer than he was before? Hawke’s mouth was already dry but he swallowed anyway, trying to hide how nervous he was. Anders eyes met his and held them and Hawke tried not to blink, to look away. 

“Anders, I…” he started, but something interrupted them, a person, walking between the cars and they both jumped back slightly, as though caught doing something wrong. Fenris. 

“Oh,” he said, freezing at the sight of them. “Hawke. Anders. You’re not at the car?”

“I sent you a message,” Hawke hissed, trying to keep his voice calm. 

“Merrill has my phone,” Fenris said. At least he looked a little embarrassed. Probably less embarrassed than Hawke felt, as he tried not to look at either Fenris or Anders. “I went back to get something from Isabela’s stall. I’ll… I’ll see you at the car when you’re ready.”

“No need,” said Anders. It seemed like he was also trying to avoid eye contact with either of them. “My ride is here.” 

A black car had pulled up near the entrance, not too far from where they stood. 

“I’ll see you both next week.”

Hawke watched him walk to the car, greeting the driver before climbing in the passenger side. As soon as he could no longer see Anders, he turned and headed up the lanes of cars towards where he remembered Fenris had parked. The other man was tall, but he had to hurry to keep up with the speed of Hawke’s strides. 

“Hawke, I…” he started but Hawke cut him off, still embarrassed. 

“Don’t say anything,” he said, hoping it didn’t sound too much like begging. “Please.”

Fenris obeyed, ollowing in silence as they reached the car. While Isabela might have spilled everything the instant she saw the others, he kept his word, staying silent. 

The ride home was fairly quiet, all of them tired, and Hawke was grateful for it. He had a lot to think about, thoughts of Anders swirling through his head. 

He was home before he heard from Anders again. 

**_Anders: Thank you again Hawke. I really did have a wonderful day x_ **

Hawke fell asleep that night with his mind full of thoughts about dragons, puppies, Anders, and that one single x at the end of Anders’ message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Fenris (◕‿◕✿) but hopefully you’ll be pleased to know the slow burn is getting close to igniting!
> 
> I feel super accomplished posting two updates super close together and having them both ready and edited but I’m also just super excited about this chapter! So it’s less edited than the rest of them but I just wanted to share already! 
> 
> I’m still learning how to draw and don’t feel confident in my skills to do this *yet* but drawing Dragon Hawke and Cat Anders is pretty high on my ‘to draw’ list ngl. Also maybe Fenris with the bunny. 
> 
> I also went and added a bunch of chapter names! Some of them don’t have chapter names yet because I couldn’t think of one but they all will soon hopefully 😊 I also reviewed my plan/overview and realised this is going to end up a couple more chapters than I realised!


	10. Movie Night

**_Isabela: haaaaawke we should have another movie night_ **

**_Isabela: movies and wine_ **

**_Isabela: and pizza_ **

**_Isabela: and can we pretty please come to your house_ **

His friend followed her messages up with several featuring a variety of emojis - various alcoholic drinks, a house and a couple of angel faces. 

**_Hawke: Is this a request or are you inviting yourself over?_ **

**_Isabela: not just me_ **

**_Isabela: we can invite everyone_ **

**_Isabela: you could invite Anders ;) ;)_ **

**_Isabela: imagine Anders sitting on your couch_ **

Hawke wasn’t going to admit this to her, but he already had. More than once. And Anders in his kitchen, Anders playing with his dog, Anders in his bedroom… basically Anders in his life, in some capacity. The more time he spent with Anders, the more he imagined it. 

**_Hawke: not that Anders is a factor in this decision but sure_ **

**_Isabela: saturday?_ **

He and Isabela negotiated the rest of the details like timing and he agreed to let everyone know.

This week, he hadn’t seen everyone like he normally did. His mother had invited him to dinner with family friends on that day, apologising in advance for interfering with his plans with friends. With Bethany still in with the Warden’s Blight rehabilitation facility in Orlais and Carver back at school in Ferelden, Hawke was the only one of her children able to attend. It had been good to see Aveline and Donnic again - especially as Aveline knew firsthand what they would have gone through, having lost her first husband to the Blight - but it meant that he had also not been able to see Anders. 

In the week since the fair, since they’d shared that moment, where Anders had been so close that Hawke thought he was going to forget to breathe, forget  _ anything  _ that wasn’t Anders, they had hardly talked. A few superficial messages here and there, about lighthearted things like having a good day, but nothing substantial. 

It wasn’t that Hawke didn’t  _ want _ to talk, he did, desperately, but he just didn’t know what to say. His friends had insisted for a while now that maybe he would have a chance as something more than friends, but he was finally starting to believe it himself. 

The problem was that he didn’t have any idea how to have that conversation with Anders, how to even start it. He was scared that if he was misreading it, he could end up pushing Anders away, risking the developing friendship that was starting to mean a lot to him. 

He sighed, picking up his phone to message everyone the details of his and Bela’s movie night. Maybe he’d ask Isabela to come over early and ask her for advice or something. He had a few days to decide if he wanted to subject himself to that experience. 

By the time Saturday rolled around, Hawke was excited and nervous at the same time, mostly at the thought of Anders in his space. It felt like a new step in their friendship, for him to be at Hawke’s house for the first time. 

Varric had a work dinner with some of his journalism contacts and Fenris was sick, so it was just Hawke, Anders, Isabela and Merrill coming. He was disappointed that not everyone could make it, but realistically it made it easier - four people fit in front of his television more easily than six did. 

As Hawke waited for everyone to arrive, he did one final check that everything was as tidy as possible. Merrill and Isabela had been here before, quite a few times, but he only had one chance to make a first impression on Anders. 

“I know I’m stressing,” he muttered to Amell as she lay by the door, watching, as though she knew somebody was coming. “If you know how to stop, feel free to let me know. And behave when Anders gets here.”

Instead of helping, she just rolled onto her back to lie with her feet in the air as somebody knocked on the door. 

Hawke knew it must be Anders. Isabela would just herself in, and Merrill usually did too but at least she knocked and announced herself first. Taking a deep breath and plastering a smile on his face, Hawke opened the door.

“Hi,” Anders said, a shy smile on his face and hands in his pockets. A cartoon bird decorated his T-shirt and he looked as nervous as Hawke felt. 

“Hi,” Hawke repeated back to him, letting Anders stand for just a moment too long in the doorway. “Come in! You’re the first one here.” 

He stepped aside to allow Anders in, keeping an eye on his dog as he did to make sure she wasn’t about to get excited and jump on him. Thankfully, she stood patiently by the door, tail wagging so fast half her body was moving as she waited for her new guest to notice her. 

“Oh, your dog!” Anders crouched beside her to rub her belly as she rolled. “Was it Amell?” 

“Yeah.” His heart swelled watching Anders pet  _ his _ dog, in  _ his _ house. Briefly, he wondered if Anders would be uncomfortable if he took a photo of this moment but then Anders stood and the opportunity was gone. 

“Can I wash my hands? Dogs are cute but they’re so much more slobbery than cats,” he said. Hawke directed him to the kitchen, waiting on the couch for him to return. 

“So,” he said with a nervous laugh as Anders joined him on the couch. The other man made himself comfortable, shifting sideways to face Hawke, one leg tucked up underneath him. “What are we planning on watching?” 

“I have a couple of options,” Hawke said. “Some quality and some… not so quality.” 

Anders laughed but had nothing to say in response, the pair of them lapsing into a moment of silence where they did nothing but look at each other. Hawke tried to think of something to say but all he could focus on was the colour of Anders’ eyes and how close he was. 

The moment was interrupted by Hawke’s message tone. 

“I should check that,” he said, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Anders’ face. 

**_Isabela: Sorry Hawke something came up_ **

**_Isabela: we can’t make it_ **

**_Isabela: guess it’s just the two of you_ **

**_Isabela: have fun ;)_ **

Of course. This was a setup. He should have known. 

“Anything important?” Anders asked, adjusting his position on the couch as he reached for one of the glasses of water Hawke set out on the table. 

“Looks like it’s just us,” he answered, torn between wanting to watch Anders’ reaction to that and not wanting to look at him in case it wasn’t a positive reaction. “Isabela and Merrill can’t make it anymore.” 

“So I have you all to myself,” Anders said with a small smile, blushing almost immediately. Hawke loved how his ears turned red whenever he blushed. 

“I think that may have been the plan.” Hawke still couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it coming. Of  _ course _ he should have guessed that Isabela would do something like this, she had even used Anders as a selling point when convincing him to agree. “They knew I wouldn’t ask you to do something alone so they made me think it wouldn’t be alone.” 

Anders frowned ever so slightly at him. 

“You wouldn’t ask me to do something alone?”

“Um…” Hawke’s throat was dry and he could feel his heart pounding. “I wanted to but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t want to feel like I was doing anything to- you wanted to be friends.”

“ _ You _ wanted to be friends,” Anders said, leaning forward slightly. “You made quite a point of telling me how well I would fit in as one of your  _ friends _ and repeatedly invited me to spend time with your  _ friends.” _

Hawke didn’t think it was possible but his heart started beating even faster. The sound of it echoed in his ears. 

“You said you’d like to be friends.” He forced himself to keep breathing, trying to keep each breath steady. He didn’t know what was happening but he wouldn’t put it past him to mess this up, whatever  _ this _ was.

Their eyes met, Hawke swallowing nervously to try and stop his mouth becoming even more dry than it already was as Anders looked at him.

“I don’t want to be your friend Hawke,” Anders said. He was close, even closer than he had been at the fair, right before they had been interrupted, but this time they were alone. There were no interruptions. And then Anders’ lips were pressed against his, one hand resting on Hawke’s chest.

The moment was brief, Anders pulling away before Hawke had time to fully process what was happening, but the hand remained resting over Hawke’s heart. He spared a single moment to wonder if Anders’ could feel how fast it was beating before he was leaning forward to kiss Anders right back in return. His arms lifted to wrap around the other man as Anders raised his other hand to cradle the back of Hawke’s head. 

Anders lips were even softer than he had imagined, his hair even silkier under Hawke’s fingers as he twisted his fingers into the man’s hair. 

Hawke wasn’t sure if it was him or Anders who pulled back first, neither of them moving back far, remaining so close they could still feel each other’s breath. 

“I don’t want to be your friend either,” he said softly, trying to keep a smile from creeping across his whole face, and Anders chuckled. 

“Based on that, I noticed.”

Hawke didn’t answer, leaning in to give Anders another quick kiss instead. If Anders was happy to kiss him,  _ wanted  _ to kiss him, he was going to take advantage of the opportunity to do it as much as possible.

“I thought you were asking me out when you invited me to the fair,” Anders sat back with another smile at Hawke. “But your friends were there too. I was starting to think I had the wrong idea.”

Hawke blushed. 

“I didn’t want to put pressure on you,” he explained. “So I thought...if there were more people and you could just join in, you’d be more comfortable.”

“An interesting plan.” Anders nodded understandingly. “One flaw though, it made it  _ very _ difficult to do this.” One hand up into Hawke’s hair as he kissed him again.

A thought crossed Hawke’s mind and he pulled back with a groan. Anders looked at him questioningly, sitting back so he could see better.

“Isabela is going to be  _ so _ smug that this worked.”

“I might have to thank her.” Anders brushed a loose piece of hair off his face, tucking it behind his ear. In his enthusiasm to finally touch the man’s hair, Hawke had messed it up slightly. “Maybe I’ll do it now.” He pulled out his phone.

“ _ No _ !” Hawke yelled, practically leaping on top of him as he tried to grab his wrist.

“Are you sure? It doesn’t seem very fair to not thank her for her help.”

“She’ll never let me live it down,” Hawke moaned, flopping backwards, head hitting against the back of the couch. “None of them will, they’ve been pushing me for weeks.”

“I might need to thank all of them then.” 

Hawke raised his arm, moving it to cover his eyes as he groaned again. 

“I can already hear the ‘I told you so’s when I tell them we’re dating, don’t give them anymore ammunition.” 

Gentle fingers lifted Hawke’s arm away from his eyes, Anders looking at him with a cheeky grin on his face. He was still so close that Hawke could see the freckles scattered across his nose and he was tempted to reach out and try to touch them, one by one. Based on the last few minutes, he suspected Anders wouldn’t actually mind that, which was an absolutely thrilling thought. 

“We’re dating are we?”

Hawke’s cheeks flushed red. Was that too far? 

“I wouldn’t mind that,” he said, hoping that he hadn’t crossed a line even as he took in how damn cute that smile was. The insufferable ‘I told you so’s were definitely preferable to him explaining to his friends that he had been absolutely right and was now 100 percent sure that Anders was not interested in dating him, regardless of the current situation. 

“Well then, I guess that would make this a date.” Lips pressed against Hawke’s once more, Anders leaning forward so that this time, more of his body lay flush against Hawke’s as they kissed. When he finally pulled back, he kept his forehead against Hawke’s. “As much as I’d like to keep kissing you though, I believe I was promised pizza.”

They ordered the pizza online. Hawke paused midway through the order to look at Anders, standing beside him. 

“Do we want to go pick this up or have it delivered?”

“If we get it delivered, I get to stay in here and do this,” Anders said, his hands coming to rest on Hawke’s hips as he claimed another kiss. “I’ll pay the extra.”

Hawke clicked the delivery option, finishing the order before tossing his phone sideways to the couch and pulling Anders close to take full advantage of the extra time. With Anders’ hands on his hips, his own resting on the other man’s lower back, Hawke wondered if he was about to wake up from whatever dream he was currently living in. 

Anders made noises as he kissed, Hawke discovered, as he threw himself into the moment. They made Hawke want to pull him even closer, hold him tighter, kiss him for as long as he possibly could. 

“I’ve been resisting this for too long,” Anders whispered against Hawke’s mouth. 

“I don’t want you to resist,” Hawke murmured back, lifting his hand once again to Anders’ hair. He still couldn’t believe he could touch it, touch  _ Anders _ like this. He might need to go and thank whatever spiders still lived in the museum. He staggered backwards towards the couch, pulling Anders’ with him, hoping to avoid landing on his phone as they hit the couch. 

Lost in Anders’ mouth, in his hair, the feel of his hands against Hawke’s back and the weight of Anders on top of him, Hawke lost track of time. It wasn’t until a knock sounded at the door that he thought about anything other than him.

Amell let out a soft bark, half heartedly lifting and lowering her head in acknowledgement as Hawke detangled himself from Anders. As he paid for the pizza, hoping he didn’t look too dishevelled, Anders refilled their glasses with water. 

The sight of Anders, messy hair, looking so comfortable in his kitchen made Hawke even happier. When Anders cocked his head curiously to the side, he realised he was just standing by the door, pizza in hand, eyes following Anders’ every move.

“Is something wrong?” There was the faintest hint of anxiety in Anders’ voice as Hawke shook his head and moved forward, placing the pizza on the table. 

“I just can’t believe I actually got to kiss you.” 

He’d noticed the crinkles that formed around Anders’ eyes when he smiled and his heart fluttered again. That feeling was becoming more and more familiar with every moment he spent with Anders. 

As they sat down with their pizza, Anders stayed close enough that his knee was brushing Hawke’s. Another message from Isabela buzzed though, but as Anders gave him an inquisitive look, Hawke flipped the whole phone over. 

“She can wait,” he said. “I have more important people to think about right now.”

Pizza finished, they decided on a movie to watch. They’d both seen it before but it was nice to be able to focus on Anders and the way his body pressed against Hawke’s as they cuddled on the couch without having to think too much about what was happening. Anders didn’t seem to mind how much Hawke played with his hair during the movie, something he took advantage of, carding his fingers through the soft, silky strands. 

The second movie was also one they had seen but it didn’t end up mattering. Partway into the story, Anders turned his head to catch Hawke’s eyes. A couple of heartbeats passed before he was kissing Hawke again. It was just as exciting this time as it had been earlier and Hawke was happy to return the favour. Enthusiasm increasing, Anders shifted his body and lying underneath him, the second movie was more or less forgotten. 

“You know what I regret?” Anders said finally, pulling back just enough that he could meet Hawke’s eyes. Sudden anxiety filled him as he prepared for Anders to tell him he somehow regretted tonight, regretted kissing him. “I could have been doing this weeks ago.” 

“I guess we need to make up for lost time,” he said in response, relief spending through his body as he wrapped his hand around the back of Anders’ head and pulled him back down.

It was only as the second credits rolled that Hawke realised how much time had passed. 

“Do you need to go?” He asked Anders. The other man hesitated, clearly thinking through his options. “You’re welcome to stay tonight if you want.”

“Inviting me to spend the night already?” Anders smirked and Hawke flushed red. Partly at the idea, full stop, and partly because… what if Anders would object to the idea of spending the night with him? But also, what if he  _ didn’t _ ?

“A very tempting offer, but I probably should go,” Anders continued, saving Hawke as he tried to splutter out a coherent answer. 

He collected his things, Hawke watching him appreciatively from behind as he moved before walking him to the door.

“Thank you Hawke,” he said, smiling with his bag slung over his shoulder, framed in the doorway. “I’ve had a wonderful night.”

“So have I.” Hawke leaned in for a goodbye kiss. At their feet, Amell huffed a goodbye. Hawke suspected she wasn’t impressed with the lack of attention she had received tonight but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. With any luck, Anders would be spending plenty more time at his house and there’d be ample opportunity for the dog to enjoy his affections. 

“We’ll have to do this again sometime,” Anders whispered against his mouth and Hawke smiled, feeling his lips curve against the other man’s. 

“No objections from me.”

“I’ll see you soon then.” Anders stepped back. “After all, if we’re dating now, I’ll need you to take me out on a real date” He winked at Hawke, who could feel the smile growing even bigger across his face. 

“I’ll have to do some planning then. But you go home, sleep.” 

“See you later Hawke.”

With one final peck on Hawke’s lips, Anders left, turning to smile at Hawke partway to his car. This time, Hawke enjoyed being able to stand and openly watch as Anders left, not returning inside until Anders was around the corner and out of sight. 

Back inside, he flopped on the couch, unable to control his grin. 

“He likes me Amell,” he said to the dog. She jumped onto his lap, pressing her face against him. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, still unable to believe that tonight had happened. “He really likes me.”

She licked his face and grunted, indifferent. 

While Hawke got himself ready for bed, he received a message from Anders - an emoji blowing a kiss. As he settled down for sleep, he anticipated the inevitable dreams of Anders, dreams that now seemed so much closer to reality than fantasy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress!!! 🎉🎉🎉 And of _course_ Isabela had to be involved somehow!
> 
> I don’t kiss many people so I’m just pretending I know what’s going on here 😂 I felt like the whole time I was writing I was like “and then they kissed. And then they kissed again. And then they kissed again.” So hopefully I managed to change up enough of those that it wasn’t super repetitive ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Also I’ve decided that one of the movies they watched (or kind of watched?) was Twilight. It’s canon in my fic now.
> 
> One last thing, I just cracked 30,000 words in my progress document! I’ve also bumped up the chapter count yet again based on my current plan but unless anything else new pops up, hopefully 17 will be accurate this time 😂
> 
> [I also wrote a short 300ish words about these boys being cute at a later stage of their relationship on tumblr if you’re interested.](https://kirkwallgremlin.tumblr.com/post/611918883488743424/kiss-lazily-for-handers)


	11. Coffee

**_Hawke: so… are we saying anything on Wednesday? About us?_ **

**_Hawke: are we letting Isabela know her devious plan worked?_ **

**_Anders: Are you asking if you can walk in and kiss me in front of everybody?_ **

Hawke let his phone drop against his chest as he grinned like an idiot at the idea that Anders  _ did _ want to kiss him, that he  _ would _ kiss him if Hawke tried. He still wasn’t sure he could believe it had happened. 

**_Hawke: can you blame me?_ **

**_Anders: I’ve seen me, so no. I can’t say I can ;)_ **

**_Hawke: I get it_ **

**_Hawke: I’m surprised I managed to resist kissing you for so long honestly_ **

**_Anders: You say that like you’re the one who stopped resisting. If I hadn’t kissed you first…_ **

After Saturday night - when he’d kissed Anders! - they’d spent all of Sunday talking. Knowing Anders seemed to feel the same way as him made it easier not to stress but Hawke was Hawke, a chronic stresser, so it didn’t take it away completely. He wanted to keep talking now but Monday meant work for both he and Anders, and they were forced to text during breaks at different times. 

**_Hawke: you didn’t answer the question_ **

**_Anders: I don’t mind either way, but they’re your friends first. I’m happy to let you decide._ **

**_Hawke: I’ll let you know :) I’m still thinking_ **

**_Anders: whatever you want xx_ **

Walking in and kissing Anders the next time he saw him was tempting, but he also didn’t want to give Isabela the satisfaction of knowing her manipulation had worked exactly as planned, at least not that soon. There would be other times to kiss him - hopefully a lot of them.

Isabela had sent him a couple of messages asking how the movie night had gone. Hawke had been deliberately vague in response, telling her about the kinds of pizza they’d ordered, what they’d watched (kind of watched, anyway), and being deliberately obtuse when she tried to be suggestive. 

**_Anders: I’d love to see you again though, soon_ **

Hawke took a moment to process that and calm the butterflies in his stomach. Not that he would ever admit it to them, but his friends had been right and maybe if he’d listened to them sooner, he could have felt this happiness even sooner. 

**_Hawke: I could come see you after I finish work?_ **

**_Anders: I’d like that :)_ **

Anders worked later than Hawke on Mondays but they were able to organise a time that wouldn’t leave Hawke waiting around for too long.

The rest of the day felt too long, counting down the hours, the minutes, until he could see Anders again but finally he was out of the Sundermont and heading towards the coffee shop alongside the hospital. The last time he had been there was when he met Anders’ contact with Bethany’s Warden program and stepping back through the doors brought back the memories of how he felt. But then he remembered his promise to Bethany - no guilt, no blame - and the excitement of seeing Anders again helped wash away the negative feelings. 

He had a little time before Anders arrived and he decided to have a drink while he waited, ordering a cup of peppermint tea. As Anders texted that he was leaving the hospital, he ordered another drink - a cup of black coffee, hoping he had remembered their first drink, the one at that night at the hospital, and the few comments Anders had made about drinks correctly. 

Finally, Anders walked through the door. His face lit up as he saw Hawke rise to his feet to greet him. 

“Hey handsome,” he said, eyes running appreciatively up and down the length of Hawke’s body. Had he been that bold before… before Saturday night? Maybe he had and Hawke just hadn’t noticed or maybe he wasn’t holding himself back anymore because he knew Hawke was more than happy to not just be friends. “I love the uniform.” 

“I thought the classic stereotype was a handsome doctor, not a security guard.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate an attractive man in uniform,” Anders said, hands coming to rest on Hawke’s hips. “It’s nice to see you.”

He leaned in for a quick kiss, one that Hawke happily returned before they sat down.

“I got you a drink,” he said, pushing the cup towards Anders, feeling suddenly self conscious. What if he was wrong about what Anders would like?

Anders just smiled though, taking the cup appreciatively.

“My friend always tells me that I shouldn't drink coffee after work. Apparently it’s ‘bad for me’. Maybe one day I’ll listen to him but not today,” he said, swallowing a big mouthful of the drink. Hawke hoped he hadn’t estimated the timing completely wrong and supplied him with a cold drink but Anders seemed content with it. 

“Your friend is right though. It’s probably a bad time to drink coffee. You should drink tea or something.”

The way Anders’ nose wrinkled when he disapproved of something was adorable. 

“I don’t drink tea,” he said. “I’m a coffee man, through and through.” 

A memory popped into Hawke’s mind - Anders, sympathetic smile, holding out a drink to Hawke, with a question.  _ Coffee or tea?” _

“You brought a cup of tea that first time in the hospital,” he said, ignoring the other, less positive memories that thought dragged up. “Well, second I guess.”

Colour splashed across Anders’ cheeks as he averted his eyes from Hawke. 

“I appreciate giving people a choice,” he said. “Coffee or tea is a pretty easy choice.”

“What if I’d taken the coffee though? You’d have been stuck with the tea. Would you have drunk it anyway?”

Anders hesitated before giving his answer. 

“I’d have tried. Pretended to enjoy it. I… I didn’t think you’d take it though, you told me you didn’t drink much coffee, that you were more of a tea drinker.” 

Casting his memory back, Hawke tried to remember when he’d have told the doctor that. It took him a moment before he found the correct memory, weeks earlier. He’d told Anders he was more of a tea drinker and didn’t drink much caffeine right back in his first appointment at the drop in clinic, reassurance that he wouldn’t find it hard to avoid any kind of drug while healing. 

Anders had remembered that, for that long?

“You made an impression,” Anders said, sounding both embarrassed and unapologetic at the same time as Hawke realised he’d spoken out loud. “Handsome man, brave warrior…” He ran his eyes across the length of Hawke’s body again. “And that uniform too.” 

Hawke couldn’t contain his smile, knowing Anders had obviously thought about him, remembered him throughout that time just like Hawke had. And now they were here, with Anders clearly interested in him and wanting to talk to him, spend time with him, touch him, kiss him. If he’d listened to his friends earlier - Maker, if he’d even just talked to Anders or showed any indication of making a move, maybe he could have had this earlier. 

Not wanting to get sappy, and knowing he would Iet he let those thoughts out, Hawke changed the subject.

“So do you like working where you do?”

Anders made an interesting noise, a sort of grunt that managed to sound disapproving and noncommittal at the same time. 

“I like... being a doctor,” he said after a moment. He was clearly thinking about what to say next, indecision in his eyes. 

“But not where?” prompted Hawke, hoping he wasn’t pushing Anders towards a line he didn’t want to cross. The other man glanced around the few other people in the cafe as though taking in who was with them before answering.

“The Chantry kind of sucks,” Anders said finally with a bitter laugh. “As an institution in general and in their hospitals. They do so many shitty shifty things.” 

“You’ve mentioned that before I think, in passing” Hawke said. “Is there a reason you stay there?”

“I’m kind of trapped.” Anders took a big gulp of his drink. He seemed nervous. “They paid for my studies, part of a program they coerced me into while I was a vulnerable foster kid in their care. It seemed like a good deal at the time but they made it really hard to find out the details. And now I’m in huge debt to them.”

Hawke didn’t know what to say. Instead, he tried to make a sympathetic noise as Anders continued. 

“There’s a lot of strict requirements for paying it back. If I pay it back too fast, there’s fees. If I try and work for any non-Chantry approved hospital, the interest goes up exponentially.”

“That sucks.” Hawke still didn’t know exactly how to react, how Anders would want him to react but he wanted the man to know that he sympathised. “Is there anything you can do?”

“I’m looking into it,” he said, voice dry. “If it was just the money, I could probably deal with it. Live rough for a few years, work hard to make ends meet. But the Chantry has so much influence with so many hospitals and medical facilities, breaking my contract would be almost career suicide. I can’t destroy my career and take on so much extra debt at the same time.” 

“I’m sorry Anders.” He rested a hand over the other man’s, trying to reassure him, anxiously hoping Anders read the action the way it was intended. “Are there many people in the same position?” 

“There seems to be quite a few of us, all trapped in ridiculous contracts. They’re very persuasive and make it look appealing and you don’t realise you’re more or less their prisoner until too late and you can’t get away. And they target vulnerable groups of people extremely well.” He laughed again, just as humourless as the first. “You trust the Chantry I guess, they’re always telling you they know best and want the best for everyone. But the best they want is what’s best for them.”

Hawke nodded sympathetically but he got the impression that Anders didn’t really want or need him to. He was content to listen while Anders aired all of his concerns and issues. 

“They let me participate in the Blight research program, where I met Stroud and Cousland and that was a break but I ended up right back where I started. And they have the power to just...transfer you, whenever they want, wherever they want. You don’t have to say yes but you’re essentially ending your career if you do.”

“I hope one day you get to do what you love in a better place,” Hawke said. “Or at least that something happens and they face some accountability.” He’d had some shitty employers before - Meeran at Red Iron Security came to mind - but at least he’d been able to get away without consequences. 

This time there Anders’ laugh was a little more lighthearted as he glanced around again. 

“I’m trying to unionise actually,” he said. “Do my part to make it better.” 

Hawke hadn’t known Anders long but trying to fight back against a shitty workplace and make it better seemed… very  _ him  _ somehow. 

“Is it working?” Hawke asked, the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried to resist giving Anders an affectionate smile. He didn’t want to seem patronising. 

“Currently? Not really.” The crinkles around Anders’ eyes showed as he gave a bit of a genuine smile this time. “It’s a bit of an underground movement at the moment, most people don’t want to openly oppose or challenge the Chantry because… well as I said, they can ruin your career in an instant if you want to. But there’s a handful of us working, slowly gaining momentum.” This time, his laugh seemed genuine. “That’s why I turned you down that first time you invited me to join your friends actually. Union meeting.”

“Well I’m glad I didn’t get in the way of your plans.” He deliberately aimed to keep his voice lighthearted so Anders would know he was joking.

“You definitely did,” Anders said with another laugh. “We meet on Thursdays now. But what can I say, I can’t resist a handsome security guard inviting me to be  _ friends _ .”

Hawke didn’t dignify that with an answer, rolling his eyes instead. They’d talked about the friend thing. Turned out that while Hawke thought he was giving Anders a low pressure invitation to spend time together in a way that didn't force him to be alone with Hawke, Anders had thought Hawke just didn’t want to spend time alone with him. 

“So.” Anders leaned forward, propping himself up with the elbow against the table. “Have you decided if we’re going to be  _ friends  _ on Wednesday? Or do I need to prepare to be swept off my feet?” 

Hawke laughed, managing to only imagine sweeping Anders off his feet for a brief moment. 

“I don’t think I want to tell her,” he said. “Not just yet. I want to wait until the perfect moment comes up.”

Anders nodded approvingly. 

“Let me know when the moment comes,” he said.

“Knowing her, it won't take long for a perfect moment to come up. If it does on Wednesday, I’ll give your knee a squeeze or something, give up a heads up. But I’m looking for that reaction.” 

“Deal. Can I kiss you now though?”

Hawke grinned at Anders. 

“I won’t say no,” he said, leaning forward to accept the kiss. Anders lingered slightly longer than Hawke expected him too, not that he was going to complain. His lips tasted slightly of coffee, a taste he usually wasn’t fond of but with Anders, as Hawke did his best to memorise the shape of Anders’ lips under his own, he wondered if he might be able to grow to like the taste. 

“As much as I’d like to stay here with you,” he said, pulling back just far enough that he could talk without moving against Hawke’s lips. “I really should go home. Tomorrow is my early start.” 

Hawke sat back in his chair, mock pouting at Anders. 

“I’ll see you on Wednesday,” Anders said as he tucked a piece of stray hair back behind his ear.

Anders was going the opposite way to Hawke, but it was very tempting to walk out of his way just to walk Anders to the bus stop. He tried to insist on giving him a lift home but Anders refused, arguing it was too far of a detour for him to be comfortable agreeing to.

“Besides, the ride gives me a chance to read,” he’d added. 

Arriving home, Hawke was greeted by an enthusiastic Amell. She seemed to think he smelled extremely interesting.

“What’s up girl?” he said, giving her a scratch behind the ears. “Can you smell Anders?”

The tail wag could have been a yes or maybe she was just excited.

As if knowing Hawke had mentioned his name, Anders chose that moment to send him a message. 

**_Anders: Hope you got home ok. I can’t wait to see you again xx_ **

The smile was back on Hawke’s face again, one that had been there more and more often lately, and he still found it amazing that apparently Anders was as excited to see him as he was to see Anders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my initial plan, this was like...a couple of paragraphs entirely meant to just be a cute addition between scenes. Writing it though, it turned into 2500 words of pretty important context for later in the story ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Modern!Chantry sucks just as much as canon!Chantry and Anders is Not a Fan. I wonder what he’ll do 👀 Hopefully it works bc planning how to adapt the Chantry this AU was one of the first things I planned when I was planning this fic :’)
> 
> I’ve been editing less for the last few chapters - editing is tedious and I avoid it so I’ve stopped doing 3 or 4 edit reads in favour of 1. I’m hoping that means I’m not missing too many mistakes but if I am, hopefully it’s still readable. If there’s any major mistakes though, feel free to point them out 😊


	12. A Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Anders attend trivia night for the first time since that eventful movie night.

Anders was already seated at the table when Hawke arrived on Wednesday. It was difficult to hide his reaction when he saw the man sitting there, looking as handsome as ever. His hair wasn’t tied back tonight, and Hawke approved of the slightly more casual look. Not that he’d ever disapprove of Anders or his appearance - he was still a little stunned that somebody _that_ good looking, not to mention kindhearted and funny and interesting and caring, would be interested in him. 

Isabela winked at him as he took his seat, the one that had been left for him next to Anders. After the initial vague responses, she has taken the hint and, surprisingly, hadn’t continued to press him for any additional details about the weekend. That didn’t stop him from waiting for the in-person interrogation to start. He kind of hoped that his friend would be able to wait until Anders wasn’t there - but then again, did it matter if his friends’ teasing about his crush happened in front of Anders anymore? The other man already knew how Hawke felt, perhaps now even better than anybody else.

“By the way, I’m so sorry to hear you were sick Fenris” Anders said innocently. Hawke could hear the teasing note in his voice, subtly suggesting that Fenris has been in on Isabela’s plan from the start. Perhaps he had been genuinely sick but Hawke wasn’t inclined to deny he probably knew all about the Plan beforehand. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

Hawke wondered if Fenris noticed that suggestive tone as well. 

“Much better,” Fenris replied with a cough Hawke was _almost_ certain was fake. If only he was a doctor. It might give him more of a clue about the sincerity of the illness. “Did you have a nice night?”

“Very nice, thank you. We watched a few movies I haven’t seen in a while.”

The corner of Hawke’s mouth twitched. Personally, he hadn’t taken in too much of any of the movies and he wondered if Anders had fared any better. With a deliberate effort, he forced his face to remain relatively calm. Isabela was perceptive and he didn’t want to give her any clues about the development in the relationship with Anders. Not yet. 

The first round of trivia went smoothly, with nothing major to note. Throughout the round, it seemed as though each and every one of Hawke’s friends was regarding him and Anders curiously but they behaved themselves, nobody saying anything. Even Isabela didn’t say anything suggestive, at least not until the halfway point where the host was marking and they were permitted phones again. 

**_Isabela: I know u have your heart set on this friends thing but u should def try kiss him at least once_ **

**_Isabela: look at those lips_ **

**_Isabela: he’d be a great kisser_ **

Hesitating, Hawke considered his options. He could ignore it, deny anything happened or… he could take this as the perfect opportunity for a reaction he’d hoped and utilise it.

Making a snap decision, he reached for Anders, his hand coming to rest on Anders' thigh, as subtly as he could, just above his knee. Still moving slowly, not wanting anyone to notice or jump to the assumption he was feeling Anders up under the table, he gave it a quick squeeze. Hopefully Anders would remember that was the sign they had discussed and prepare himself for Isabela’s reaction. 

And he couldn’t deny, it definitely gave him a little thrill to be able to touch Anders so casually and secretly like that. 

**_Hawke: He is._ **

He sent the message and waited - waited for it to send and waited for Isabela to read it and react. It didn’t take long. 

“Garrett Malcolm Hawke,” Isabela declared loudly, pushing herself to a standing position as her hands slapped down onto the table. “Would you care to explain to me exactly _how_ you know that _he_ ,” she pointed at Anders, “is a great kisser?”

Hawke just grinned at her in response, not trusting himself to speak in case he laughed at the reaction that was _exactly_ what he had predicted. A quick glance at Anders showed an almost imperceptible amused smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling ever so slightly while their friends watched on in wide eyed surprise. 

“Because I kissed him,” Anders said, his tone casual. Given his posture, Hawke suspected he was feeling more nervous than his words let on and he shifted to press his leg reassuringly against Anders’.”Somebody had to make a move and I didn't feel like he was going to.”

Varric snorted. 

“He knows you well, Hawke.” Turning to face Anders, he continued. “We’ve been pushing him for weeks.”

“Can I show him my PowerPoint presentation now?” Isabela asked, clearly delighted.

“ _No.”_ Hawke knew his friend and he knew that she would absolutely show Anders the presentation that involved, among other things, both of their faces photoshopped onto _multiple_ wedding photos. In one of them, Hawke wore a beautiful gown that contrasted nicely with his beard. 

Upon reflection, it was surprising she hadn’t already shown Anders at least part of it. 

“What if I’ve decided he was a subpar kisser and didn’t want to continue kissing him?” said Anders and Hawke reminded himself that it was a hypothetical answer. Anders had made it very clear he was interested in continuing to kiss Hawke. 

“I call bullshit,” Isabela said. “I know from experience that he doesn’t suck.” 

Anders reacted ever so slightly to that and Hawke realised he wasn’t sure he’d ever mentioned to Anders that he and Isabela had a history. Whoops. He made a note to have that conversation later, hoping that wouldn’t throw a spanner in their developing relationship. Normally, the two of them weren’t at all subtle about their history so Bela must have assumed Anders’ already knew. 

They were interrupted by Merrill returning from the bathroom, regarding them curiously, clearly recognising something significant was being discussed. 

“There’s been progress Daisy,” Varric told her with a jerk of his head towards Hawke and Anders and the woman made a noise of obvious excitement.

“Was it the movie night?” 

For a brief moment, Hawke considered lying but what was the point? He nodded, sensing Anders nod beside him. Wanting to feel closer, he put his hand back on Anders’ leg, enjoying the contact as Anders’ lay his hand over Hawke’s their fingers interlacing as Merrill clapped in delight. 

“Your plan worked Bela.”

Isabela threw her hands up in self defence. 

“It wasn’t my idea,” she protested. “You started it. You and Fenris!”

Hawke just raised his eyebrow at her. 

“Fine,” she conceded. “The _details_ may have been my idea. But Merrill was the one who said you just needed to be alone and maybe something would happen. And Fenris was the one who suggested we manipulate you together and then just leave early. I just...refined their ideas.”

“And we were right, it worked,” Fenris said, almost under his breath but still just loud enough to be heard. 

Varric raised his glass to the two of them. 

“We’re happy for you Hawke, but it took you long enough.” 

“I thought he just wanted to be friends,” Anders shrugged, smile lines around his eyes crinkling as he looked back at Hawke.

Fenris snorted, the noise he made when he was trying not to laugh. He was unsuccessful, a small snicker escaping anyway. 

“Maybe you two really are perfect for each other,” he said. 

Throughout the rest of the night, lighthearted, teasing comments were made but it was clear that all of their friends were happy for the pair of them. 

Under the table, Hawke held Anders hand and he found he didn’t really care about anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isabela is just too easy to get a reaction out of :’) A short chapter but once I had the idea for this scene, I had to write it 😂
> 
> I’m almost finished writing chapter 14 right now, which is wild when I think about how my initial plan only _had_ 13 chapters. I’d be finished right now! I was trying to get that chapter totally finished before I posted this one but I decided I didn’t care and that I’d just post this anyway, even if it is only minimally edited 😁
> 
> Given current events, it felt odd to be going back and editing what I’d written about Fenris coughing at an event based on a real event that’s just been cancelled for social isolation reasons 😬


	13. Communication

**_Anders: Hey Hawke. I won’t make it to trivia tomorrow. I’ll see you another time._ **

**_Hawke: ok :( Are you out radicalising the Chantry again?_ **

**_Anders: It’s a bad date for me. Bad memories._ **

**_Hawke: would you like some company? :( <3 _ **

The Hawke family had some dates that weren’t fun for them - the death of Hawke’s father was one of them - and he knew that it was always nice to not be alone on those days. 

But then, he hadn’t known Anders long enough to know if he was somebody who appreciated company or not. 

**_Anders: Thank you for the offer Hawke but I think I’d rather be alone._ **

Apparently the answer was ‘not’. Hawke was disappointed to know he wouldn’t be seeing Anders again the following night but he could respect that he wanted - or needed - to be alone. 

**_Hawke: ok :) I’m always here though if you need me. Send me a message or call me or ask me to come over and I’ll be there x_ **

**_Anders: Thank you xx_ **

It felt odd not having Anders at trivia that week, not being able to see him. He hadn’t realised how accustomed he’d become to the other man being there, especially now that they were progressing to more than friends. The more time he got to see him, the better. 

He sent Anders a message checking he was ok along with a couple of cute photos of cats - and of  _ course _ , a cute photo of Amell as well. There was no response, but he didn’t really expect any. He hadn’t said what kind of memories were triggered by this particular date, but Hawke knew that on his bad days, he didn’t usually feel like talking either. 

He checked in again on Thursday. 

**_Hawke: Morning x_ **

**_Hawke: I hope you’re ok. Have a nice day and I’ll see you sometime soon I hope :)_ **

**_Anders: Thank you._ **

On Friday, he sent another message. 

**_Hawke: Hey Anders. Did you want to have dinner together this weekend? I miss you :( <3 _ **

There was no reply to that message. 

Across the weekend, he sent a few more messages to Anders, all of them going unanswered as Hawke’s uneasiness grew. Surely Anders wasn’t the kind of person who would just...stop replying if he was no longer interested in Hawke? But what if that was what happened - Anders had realised he could do better than Hawke, or realised he wasn’t interested and no longer wanted to talk to him? 

Or what if whatever memories he had been reminded of last week had really affected him badly? What if he was struggling?

On Tuesday, when there was still no reply, Hawke called the clinic. It wasn’t something he was entirely comfortable doing - if Anders wanted to stop talking to him, he would respect that no matter how devastating that would be to him - but he was worried. 

“That doctor isn’t currently available” the gruff voice of the clinic secretary told him over the phone in response to Hawke’s inquiry. 

“It’s a walk in clinic though, right? If I walked in, would he be there?” Even as he asked, Hawke hoped it wouldn’t come to that. He didn’t want to end up being that stalker ex that would always come up in the future when Anders talked about nightmare partners in the future.

He also didn’t want to think of Anders with other partners in the future. 

“Unfortunately he’s currently on personal leave.”

“For how long?” 

“I’m not at liberty to say,” the receptionist answered. “If you need a doctor, there’s a bunch of them here, I can make you an appointment with somebody.”

“No, but thank you,” Hawke said, ending the call. 

**_Hawke: Anders? You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to but are you ok?_ **

Despite not really expecting a response to that, his heart raced at every sound his phone made. It wasn’t till the hours later he got a response. 

**_Anders: I’m ok. I’m sorry._ **

**_Hawke: you know you can always talk to me?_ **

But again, there was no reply. 

On Wednesday, Hawke was tempted not to go to the Hanged Man. He didn’t really want to deal with everybody, seeing people be happy and social, but there was no way of knowing if Anders would be there. Realistically, Hawke wasn’t expect him but if he was and Hawke missed that chance to see him… he would be frustrated at himself, not to mention disappointed. 

Anders wasn’t there. 

Hawke made a halfhearted excuse to his friends, not wanting to tell them that… well,  _ something _ seemed to be up, even if he didn’t know exactly  _ what _ that something was. Maybe even  _ especially _ because he didn’t know what it was. 

Throughout the whole night, he watched the door, hopefully that Anders would walk through it, simply late, every time it opened. Each and every time, his heart filled with hope and each and every time, that hope was dashed. 

It was a relief when the night was over and Hawke was able to excuse himself without worrying about raising suspicion. 

It was Thursday when Fenris confronted him.

“Talk,” he said, placing a cup of Hawke’s favourite tea in front of him in the break room of the Sundermont Museum. “You’re… moping.”

Hawke hesitated, reluctant to say anything. If he said it out loud, told somebody about his fears, about this situation, maybe it’d somehow become more real. Once it was spoken, it would become harder to pretend everything would be ok. 

“Is it Bethany?” Fenris pushed, clearly not willing to let it go. “Leandra?”

“Anders,” Hawke admitted despite his reluctance and his friend made a disgruntled noise of disapproval. 

“Did he fuck up and hurt you?” he asked. Hawke shook his head. 

“No?” He said. “Yes? Maybe? I don’t know.” He paused to drink some of the tea Fenris had provided, sipping it despite it being almost a little too hot, grateful for the distraction. “I haven’t heard from him,” he admitted finally. “Not really.”

“In how long?” Fenris frowned. 

“Um…,” Hawke pretended to think about it as though he didn’t already know exactly how long. “Tuesday?”

“He hasn’t talked to you at all in two days,” Fenris said, tone flat as one eyebrow raised slightly. Hawke couldn’t tell if he was unimpressed at Anders or at Hawke making a mountain out of a molehill. 

Hawke hesitated again.

“He hasn’t really  _ talked _ to me since last Tuesday,” he told Fenris, watching as his friend’s eyebrows raised even higher in surprise. “He told me  _ this _ Tuesday he was ok, when I asked, but…”

“So he’s being a dick.” 

Fenris always was happy to be blunt. 

“I don’t know.” Hawke rested his face in his hands, conflicted. “I think he’s going through something, and he’s said he was sorry but I don’t know.”

“It doesn’t matter what he’s going through,” Fenris pointed out. “If he’s just ignoring you, he’s hurting you, and he’s being a dick.” 

“He had...something last week,” Hawke explained, not sure why he was trying to justify Anders’ lack of communication to somebody else when it was something he’d been trying and failing to do to himself all week. “Bad memories? A bad date for him last week or something? What if he’s just dealing with that? What if he’s not talking because he’s in a bad place?”

Fenris didn’t answer, just giving Hawke a flat look that seemed like it was somehow sympathetic, judgemental and questioning at the same time. 

Hawke just sighed, passing his phone over to Fenris, messages from Anders open for him to read. 

“Yep. He’s a dick,” he said when he’d finished reading. “How hard is it to say ‘sorry, just going through something. Need some space’?” 

Hawke let out a humourless laugh, feeling both validated and disappointed that he was right in thinking something was definitely up. 

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t go putting my trust in medical professionals.” 

Fenris shrugged. 

“As far as they go, he could be worse. Or so I thought, anyway.”

That was probably the closest to approval he was probably going to get from Fenris about Anders - especially if this was representative of how things were going to end up. 

“Should I just give up?” Hawke asked. “I really like him and I thought he liked me but if he doesn’t want to talk, maybe I should just tell him I give up. If he doesn’t want to talk, we don’t have to.”

Fenris shrugged again.

“It’s your call,” he said. “I’d try to talk to him first though, even if it’s just to tell him he’s being an asshole, but again that is hard if he's not talking back.”

Hawke drank some more of his tea, contemplating. It hurt to think about doing that, telling Anders he didn’t want to talk anymore but if that was what he wanted… It might be easier to end things and deal with the hurt now than hold on to this hope, dragging the hurt out longer and longer until it finally ended. 

“My break is over,” Fenris said, standing up. Hawke’s own break was ending soon as well. “If you need to talk later, give me a call. Or Bela or Merrill or Varric. We’re all here for you, even if other people… aren’t.” 

As he left, Hawke finished the rest of his drink before preparing for the rest of the day’s shift. There was a tour group coming in later that afternoon, and hopefully watching them would help keep his mind busy and stop him from thinking about Anders. 

He wanted to send a message to Anders asking him for an explanation but he couldn’t bring himself to do it that afternoon. 

On Friday, he tried not to think about it. He’d give Anders a few more days, he decided, and then he could try for that conversation. At work, Fenris questioned how Hawke was feeling but didn’t (thankfully) didn’t try to push him to talk. 

After Amell’s evening walk, Hawke settled down on the couch with a beer and some leftovers for dinner . He may as well binge watch some of his favourite television shows and watch something cheesy if he was going to sit around and feel sorry for himself. 

The knock at his door several episodes in was unexpected. Amell untangled herself from the blankets in the bed where she lay to race over to it as Hawke paused his show and set down his drink, trying to work out who it could be. Maybe Fenris had decided Hawke needed company or maybe he’d said something to one of the others and he’d find somebody on the doorstep with a bottle or wine or something. 

He definitely wasn’t expecting to find Anders standing outside his house. 

Anders was a bit of a mess, his hair scruffy and his clothes looking like they’d come from a pile on the floor, wrinkles pressed into them. The circles under his eyes were dark, as though he hadn’t been sleeping properly.

Amell was excited, her entire back end wiggling as she tried to greet him but Hawke just stood, more than a little shocked, not knowing what to do or say as Anders stood illuminated by Hawke’s porch lights. 

“Hawke,” Anders started, pausing after just one word as though he wasn’t sure what to say either. He rubbed the side of his neck nervously. 

“I’m sorry,” he said while at the same time, Hawke said “Anders.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I owe you an explanation. Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve reached 30,000 words woo 🎉🎉 
> 
> This chapter was really hard to write because I was like how do I concisely write a week of....nothing happening?? Originally there was in-person distancing and a fight before the ghosting/distancing but that turned out even harder to write 😬 
> 
> Anyway it was hard to write and I feel sorry for Hawke (and Anders!) but necessary for ~plot reasons~ (: 
> 
> Might have been a little more in character to have somebody else talk to Hawke but the work context seemed to fit a little better than a social context would, and he does seem like the type to be blunt and tell Hawke that Hawke, he’s being a dick.
> 
> Chapter 14 is done but reeeally needs editing and I don’t wanna. That’s holding up chapter 15 too but I’m excited to write that so hopefully I get over this editing block soon 😬


	14. We Need to Talk

Hawke stepped away from the door, leaving it open for Anders to step inside. The doctor stood, uncertain, just inside the doorway, while Amell sniffed his leg with great interest. 

“Come in, sit down,” Hawke told him. “Would you like a drink?” 

Anders shook his head, fidgeting nervously as he moved to sit on Hawke’s couch. Hawke tried not to think about what happened last time Anders had been on that couch, how… soft Anders had been under his touch, when it had been clear that he  _ was _ interested. Not wanting to sit too close, Hawke positioned himself awkwardly on the other end. 

“I owe you an explanation,” Anders repeated. “I… I’m so sorry.” 

“I would appreciate that,” Hawke admitted. “I thought you just didn’t have the guts to tell me you were interested.”

Anders let out a short bark of a laugh. 

“I’m still very interested,” he told Hawke. “That’s why I’m here.” He pulled out his phone, opening something up before he passed it over. It was a message from an unsaved contact. 

**_Unknown: I don’t know if you are cruel or merely an idiot but you need to talk to Hawke before you hurt him more or lose him._ **

It took Hawke a moment but he realised he recognised the number. Fenris. 

“I don’t know exactly which one of your friends it was,” Anders said with a twisted smile. “But I realised they were right. I’m an idiot and I was being cruel and I’d completely understand if you wanted me to leave right now and never come back. But I owe you more than that.”

“What happened?” Hawke asked him, not wanting to tell him how he was feeling, and not even knowing what he  _ would _ tell Anders, not without knowing why. 

“I…” Anders started, pausing hesitantly as he seemed to try and work out how to start. “I’ve only had one serious relationship before. I’ve seen other people between then and you… hopefully you, but…” He blushed slightly, even more visible on his paler than usual complection. Hawke just sat, waiting, listening. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear about Anders’ ex but he knew Anders wouldn’t be bringing it up without a good reason, especially right now.

Anders took a deep breath. 

“He… he died.”

“Oh,” Hawke said. What else did you say to that? “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” Anders paused for a moment, staring blankly into the space beyond Hawke. “We worked together before Kirkwall. He was transferred here, short notice, while I was still back in Ferelden. We agreed we could do long distance work, and it was working, but then… something happened. I don’t know what. An accident of some kind.”

“Oh,” said Hawke again. 

“The Chantry wouldn’t give me leave to fly to Kirkwall to see him in hospital,” he continued in a rush, as though saying it as fast as possible might make it easier, and Hawke felt a rush of anger on his behalf. Everything else Anders had said was more than enough reason to hate the Chantry but he couldn’t imagine being trapped working for the organisation who had refused to let him see his dying boyfriend in hospital on top of it all. 

“I did it anyway. Ran away and got on a plane to Kirkwall. I nearly lost my job over it too. But when I got to Kirkwall, they wouldn’t let me into the room.”

His face remained expressionless but Hawke could see the tears beginning to glisten in his eyes, threatening to spill out. Anders took a moment, seeming to need to think about what he wanted to say, or perhaps preparing himself to continue. 

“His family never liked me, never approved,” he said finally, sounding as though he was almost choking the words out. “They wouldn’t even tell me what happened, and the hospital wouldn't either, because I wasn’t family. Even though we’d been together over a year and a half. And then… then he was gone.”

“Anders.” Hawke said, shifting closer so he could take Anders’ hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“I got there too late,” he said, the words even thicker than before as the first tear managed to escape, running slowly down his cheek. “When they transferred me to Kirkwall, it felt like they were just rubbing salt in the wounds. And I had to beg to keep the job anyway after going when they denied my leave application. I had to beg to work somewhere that reminded me of him, every single day.”

“I’m so sorry,” Hawke repeated, wanting to move closer and wrap Anders in a hug but not knowing if he would be comfortable with that, especially not right now. He still wasn’t totally sure where he stood with Anders and pushing physical contact while hearing about the man’s late boyfriend didn’t seem at all appropriate if they weren’t there anymore. Instead, he stayed where he was, hand resting atop Anders’, thumb rubbing comforting circles. 

“This would probably be unethical,” he said, hesitant. “But if you’re in the same hospital, could you… look up what happened?”

“I tried,” Anders told him. “I talked myself out of it for weeks, telling myself it was a bad idea, because you’re right, it is unethical, but then I just...gave in. Decided who cared? If they found out and fired me, they fired me. But I couldn’t even access his records. They’re somehow sealed.”

He sat in silence for a moment. Hawke let him sit, not knowing what to say to fill in the silence that didn’t sound repetitive or superficial. 

“It was the anniversary of his death last Wednesday,” Anders continued eventually, more tears threatening to creep out. “Two years. Two years and I still don’t know what happened to him.”

Apart from the tears attempting to make their way down his cheeks, Anders’ face was blank, emotionless. Hawke suspected that was a mask to keep himself from giving in to how he was feeling. 

“Is that why…?” He left the question unfinished, not knowing if asking would upset Anders more or give him the prompt he needed. It must be hard for Anders to be considering a new relationship, or a new whatever they were at this point, while dealing with the anniversary of that loss. 

“Partially.” Anders’ mouth twisted in a smile totally devoid of any happiness. “He left me a hard drive. His family fought it, didn’t want me to get anything, but the courts overturned it. I got it anyway. Last week, last Wednesday, I just wanted to throw myself a bit of a pity party, a bottle of wine, scroll through old photos of him, of us, before everything fell apart.”

Hawke understood. He’d done the same thing with photos of his father. 

“I’d seen all the photos before,” Anders continued, still maintaining the expressionless mask. “This time, it didn’t feel like enough. So I went looking for more.”

He stopped, taking a deep breath. 

“Could I have a glass of water?” he asked, looking at Hawke with half a smile on his face. Hawke wondered if it was a bit of a stalling tactic to avoid talking about it, but he put the thought aside. He’d have a bit of faith in Anders and besides, if that was what Anders needed, he was happy to give him that support. 

In the time Hawke was in the kitchen, Anders seemed to have hardly moved, still sitting stiffly on the couch in the exact same position as before. He took the offered glass gratefully, drinking most of it in a few gulps, setting it down on the table as Hawke positioned himself once more on the couch. This time, he sat slightly closer to Anders, close enough to touch him if he wanted but not so close that he might accidentally make him uncomfortable. 

Anders took a deep breath before he continued. 

“I haven’t looked at most of his files, it felt like an intrusion of his privacy and I wasn’t ready to look further. But… last week I did. I hoped I’d find something new, some new photos or videos or something, even if it upset me more.”

“Did you find anything?”

The mask slipped Anders had been so carefully maintaining, an emotion that Hawke couldn’t place flashing across his face, just for a moment, before Anders regained the composure he was trying so hard to keep. He tightened his grip on Anders hand, trying to make the squeeze reassuring.

“A couple of things. First I found some… some emails he’d been writing to me,” he said, voice still thick with emotion, sounding so different to his usual lighthearted tone. “Things he hadn’t sent. He thought I felt like I brought a piece of heaven into the world, that I made him feel things he hadn’t felt in such a long time.” Another tear ran down his cheek, followed quickly by another, then a third. Hawke gave up on keeping distance, moving further forward to wrap his arms around Anders, pulling him close against him. 

It was odd, hearing these things about Anders from somebody else who loved him, but he wasn’t someone to be jealous of the past. Not to mention how awful he would feel being filled with jealousy towards a dead man, especially one who had been so important to Anders. 

And besides, he completely understood why this man would have felt that way. 

For a moment Anders didn’t move, stiff in Hawke’s arms. It was only as Hawke started to pull back, fearing Anders didn’t want the physical contact, that the other man relaxed against him, burying his face against Hawke’s shoulder. Anders managed to keep any more tears from falling, but Hawke held him, one hand slowly stroking his hair, until Anders pulled back. 

“That wasn’t all though,” he said when he was ready, returning to his stiff, distant position on the couch. His voice was soft enough that Hawke wasn’t sure he’d be able to hear if he wasn’t as close as he now was. “There was a file. On the Chantry. He’d been collecting evidence of the things we all knew they did, things nobody could prove.”

It was hard to tell how Anders felt about that discovery. Was he sad? Angry? Hopeful?

“He must have been working on it for months,” Anders continued. His voice was serious, but more steady than it had been earlier. “Months and months. He had proof, of everything, evidence of the corruption, the bias, even malpractice covered up to avoid any bad publicity and wage issues, from Kirkwall and from Ferelden.”

Hawke swore softly, not knowing what else to say. The Chantry system and their associated hospitals and organisations were widespread across the entire continent, throughout the city states of the Free Marches, through Ferelden, even through Orlais to the west. Their wealth, power and influence was immeasurable, on a social level but also, based on what Anders had told him, an individual level too. If the information Anders had, the evidence his late boyfriend had found, was as significant as it sounded, the potential impact could be huge. 

“It made me wonder what happened to him,” Anders said. “Why they wouldn’t tell me, wouldn’t let me see him.” 

“Do you think they did something?” Hawke asked him, genuinely not knowing what answer to expect. Anders took another moment to compose himself, staring once more over Hawke’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know,” he said eventually. “Maybe? They were definitely involved somehow. But I don’t know how much. Maybe they just sealed his hospital records, maybe they just moved him away from the support that he had, maybe they…” His voice caught and Hawke moved to grip his hand again. “Maybe they did something more.”

“I can see why you needed space,” Hawke told him, but Anders shook his head. He opened his mouth as though to say something but no sound came out. Instead he cleared his throat, finishing the last of the glass of water. 

“Even just knowing this,” he started, pausing yet again as his voice caught once more. “Even just  _ knowing _ this is dangerous. Now that I know, now I can  _ prove _ it, what if something happens to me as well? What if… what if something happens to you?”

“Hey,” Hawke started, hoping to reassure Anders as he pulled him in for another hug, but Anders interrupted him before he had the chance to continue. 

“I needed to process this but… I also wanted you to be safe,” he said, pressing himself closer into Hawke’s embrace. “It would kill me to lose you if anything happened. I can’t lose you too and I don’t want to put you through that if it happens to me.”

Hawke’s heart skipped a beat as he pressed a kiss against Anders’ forehead, holding the other man in his arms. He had been worried that Anders wasn’t talking to him because he had realised he wasn’t interested in Hawke anymore but apparently it was completely the opposite situation.

“You don’t have to work this out alone,” he told Anders, trying to make his tone as reassuring as possible. “We can figure this thing out, together.”

Anders just pressed in even closer to Hawke, who tightened his arms around him as much as he dared without hurting him as Anders buried his face against Hawke’s shoulder again. One hand rubbed circles against Anders’ back. 

They sat like that for a little while longer, Hawke wondering if he should say something, trying to work out what, even as he enjoyed the opportunity to hold Anders close. 

By the time Anders pulled back, he seemed calmer, some of the anxiety that had shown on his face ever since Hawke first opened the door gone. Hawke smiled at him, hand still rubbing reassuringly against Anders’ back as he looked at him. 

“Thank you Hawke,” he said. “That you… that you would still welcome me here, that you would listen and support me after how I’ve treated you, that means the world to me.”

“I meant it when I said I’m always here for you. But it does help when you talk to me instead of letting me think you’ve given up on me.”

Anders’ eyes widened in alarm, horror. 

“No Hawke,” he said. “I would never. Hawke, you’re the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and I… I’m sorry.” 

Hawke reached up to cup his hand around Anders’ cheek. 

“You’re here now,” he said, leaning in to press a soft kiss on Anders’ other cheek. “Now I know what’s going on and  _ we _ can fix this. Thank you for talking to me.”

“Thank you,” Anders said, placing his hand over Hawke’s. “I… I should go though,” he added with a half smile, lifting his hand away to check his watch. “It’s getting late and I don’t want to take up all of your time.”

“You don’t have to go,” Hawke blurted out without thinking, regretting it as soon as he said it. Despite the regret, an undeniable spark of hope fluttered in his chest as he pulled his hand back to rub nervously at his face. What if…? “You… you’re welcome to stay tonight.” He could feel his face growing slightly hotter, thankful that his blushing was a little more subtle than Anders’. “No pressure though.”

Anders paused before answering, taking just long enough that Hawke started to worry he’d messed up. 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t be intruding?” 

“Absolutely not.” Hawke said, completely failing to hide his smile at that response as he released the breath he didn’t realise he was holding. “I have to work in the morning but they don’t open till 10. And...I’ve missed you. I’d love to spend time with you.”

A shy smile flicked across Anders’ face as he leaned in to press his lips against Hawke’s, just for a moment, nodding as he sat back. 

“Would you like something to wear?” he asked, running his eyes over Ander’s crumpled hoodie and wrinkled jeans. “They don’t look particularly comfortable to sleep in.”

Anders looked down at himself. 

“Do you have some pants I could wear? I have a shirt under this but I doubt jeans will be comfortable overnight.”

Excusing himself to his bedroom, Hawke rummaged through his drawers. He was bigger than Anders but surely he’d have something that would fit. One pair of pyjama pants caught his eye - the ones covered in cartoon dogs. They used to be one of his favourites but they’d shrunk slightly in the wash and become almost too small to comfortably wear. He liked the idea of them being useful again. Heading back out to the main room, he tossed them to Anders. .

“They’re from Bethany and Carver,” Hawke said defensively as the corners of Anders’ mouth twitched. 

“They’re very you,” Anders said with a smirk. “And very cute.” He stepped forward, his eyes meeting Hawke’s in a steady gaze. “Which is also very you.”

Hawke just stared back at him for a moment, trying to stop his brain from short circuiting as he looked at Anders’ warm eyes. Had he ever noticed the flecks of darker colour in his eyes before? Breaking the moment, he coughed, clearing his throat. 

“You’re welcome to change in the bedroom,” he said, “or the bathroom.”

Anders walked to the bedroom, Hawke’s eyes on him the whole way. He tried not to think about the fact that Anders was in his bedroom, taking off clothing. 

He had to swallow the lump in his throat as Anders emerged. Anders. In his clothes. Anders wearing  _ his _ clothes in  _ his _ house, preparing to stay the night. 

“They are a little big,” Anders said, adjusting the waist. “There’s a drawstring though so I should be ok.” 

“They suit you,” said Hawke, mouth dry. 

“I think you just suit me,” Anders replied, stepping closer as he slipped right into Hawke’s bubble of personal space bubble, hands coming to rest on Hawke’s hips. Hawke eagerly returned the kiss he offered, lips moving against Anders as the kiss became more enthusiastic. His fingers moved in Anders’s hair as he breathed in the scent of him, realising how much he’d missed it as he did his best to memorise the feeling of Anders’ lips under his own. Acutely aware of the bedroom behind them, Hawke wrapped one arm around Anders to pull him tight against him.

As Anders tightened his grip on Hawke’s hips with a soft sigh against his lips, Hawke felt himself start to lead Anders backwards, only to find himself lying flat on his back with Anders on top of him. Beside them, Amell stood, her pose clearly demonstrating she was as surprised as them. 

Anders let out a chuckle, Hawke joining him. 

“You’re lucky she didn’t hurt you,” Anders said. “That fall could have ended up nasty.”

“At least I have a doctor here,” Hawke joked, lifting his head to steal another quick kiss. Anders returned it before he pushed himself up, eyes holding Hawke’s with an intense gaze. 

“Thank you Hawke,” he said, the laugh gone as his expression turned deadly serious. “This week has not been easy, and I’m sorry, I truly am. But your patience with me… you could have thrown up your hands and left but you didn’t. And I...I appreciate that.”

Hawke’s chest felt heavy, emotion mingling with the weight of Anders on top of him as he lifted his head from the ground to kiss Anders again. 

“I could never give up on you.”

Anders blinked slowly, once, twice, before pressing another tiny quick kiss against Hawke’s mouth. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, pushing himself away to stand up, helping Hawke to his feet as well. 

“I’ll get you a toothbrush?”

He found a spare, unused toothbrush in the cupboard under his sink and gave it to Anders. There wasn’t really enough space for both of them in the bathroom at the same time so Hawke stood back. Leaning against the doorframe, he watched Anders, seeming so comfortable in his clothes, standing in his bathroom, doing such a domestic task that it made him feel like… he didn’t even know what. Jumping for joy? Shouting it from the rooftops? Grabbing him and kissing him,  _ holding  _ him, as hard or as long as he could? 

Anders turned back to look at him over his shoulder, mouth still full of toothpaste. As their eyes met, he gave Hawke another one of his tender smiles - albeit one around the toothbrush in his mouth - and Hawke sighed softly, unable to resist smiling back. 

“Were you watching TV?” asked Anders when Hawke was finished as well. “Can we watch some together?” 

Anders hadn’t watched this particular show but it turned out he enjoyed a good reality show as much as Hawke did, watching with interest as he snuggled against Hawke’s chest. Hawke’s fingers moved slowly, tracing circles over Anders’ skin, stroking his hair, keeping up constant contact with the man in his arms.

As time passed, Anders grew quieter, his commentary and questions on the show fading as his breathing slowed. 

“Anders?” Hawke whispered as it slowed even more. “Are you ready to go to bed?”

Against his chest, Anders mumbled something incoherent. 

“Come on, time to move.” The other man shook his head sleepily as Hawke helped him stand, blinking at him with sleepy eyes. “I’ve got you.”

Hawke reached down and scooped Anders up into his arms. As he did, Anders murmured something softly against his chest.

“What was that?” he asked. 

“You’re strong,” Anders repeated, lifting one hand to press against Hawke's bicep. 

With a smile, Hawke carried Anders to the bedroom, setting him down gently on the bed. As he released him, Anders clutched sleepily at his arms 

“Don’t go,” he said. 

“I’m just moving somewhere slightly more comfortable,” Hawke said with a smile he knew Anders wouldn’t see as he turned off the lights and he settled into the bed beside him. As soon as he was in the bed, Anders snuggled into him, his head resting on Hawke’s chest, his breathing rapidly returning to the slow and steady rhythm from the couch. 

Hawke took a little bit longer to drift off to sleep. Not that he minded, lying here with his arms around Anders, breathing in the subtle scent of him. 

They still had the problem of the information Anders had rediscovered, but they could figure that out another day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys tried to take this in a whole different direction at one point and I felt like I was sitting there squirting the with a spray bottle as I reminded them to keep it appropriate x) I’m not confident in my ability to write (or share) anything smutty at this point but man they’re making me tempted 👀 
> 
> ANYWAY Anders deserves so many hugs, especially after that quest with Karl. It is Not Fair that you don’t get the option in game to give him the hug he deserves so I’m going to give it to him in fic as often as possible ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> There’s also an attempt to make the title of this fic relevant and not just a random cool sounding song lyric that I pulled from a barely relevant song just because it sounded cool 😂 I always had visions of trying to work it in when I reached this point in the fic but it ended up being harder to do than I hoped when I picked a title 9 chapters ago when this one wasn’t even close to existing!
> 
> Some of you already would have seen me contemplating this on discord but I’ve now jumped up to 18 chapters as part of chapter 15 ended up being longer than I expected and it actually worked better splitting that into two different parts :)


	15. Breakfast

Hawke woke slightly before his alarm, just as he usually did, with a yawn and a stretch. Amell lay warm against his back and he reached out to give her a scratch behind the ears. As his hand landed something that was decidedly not fur, the memories of the night before came flooding back and he lifted himself slightly to look at the man lying beside him. 

Anders had stretched out at some point during the night, moving from his position curled tight up against Hawke to sprawl across the mattress. He seemed to be remarkably like Amell in his sleeping habits - able to take up an impressive amount of space on the bed, significantly more than Hawke, despite being notably smaller. He noted that Amell was absent from his bed that morning - she was probably asleep on the couch, sulking because somebody else had taken up her bed space. There weren’t often other people in Hawke’s bed, not in recent times anyway. 

Anders’ hair fanned out across the pillow, tangled, and Hawke was tempted to wake the man up just to see what his bed hair would look like. But he also looked so peaceful that Hawke was content to let him sleep for as long as he wanted - especially given the circles that had sat below his eyes last night. Surely Anders would have said if he needed to be anywhere this morning?

With that thought, Hawke twisted to shut off the alarm. It was more of a backup for him as he woke up more or less the same time every day, but he didn’t want the noise to wake Anders before it was necessary. He could sleep for longer if he needed it.

Most mornings, Hawke would just have some toast and a bowl of cereal with his morning cup of tea but most mornings, he wasn’t waking up with a gorgeous man in his bed, and he wanted to make a good impression. And even though Anders already seemed impressed with him - for some reason - he still worried that Anders would realise Hawke wasn’t quite as cool as he seemed to think. 

It was with that in mind that Hawke dug out the eggs and frying pan, along with the jar of instant coffee he used occasionally when he had people over. Originally, he’d brought it for Fenris but it turned out his friend - the biggest coffee drinker he knew, although it appeared Anders may try to give him a run for his money - was a bit of a coffee snob and wouldn’t go near it. Consequently, the jar had lasted a lot longer than Hawke had anticipated. 

He had a pan of scrambled eggs almost cooked, Amell hungrily devouring her own breakfast, when he heard a noise behind him. Anders had put his own hoodie back on, but still wore Hawke’s pyjamas on his bottom half. He stood leaning against the doorway, hands in his pockets, clearly watching Hawke as he moved around the kitchen.

“Good morning,” he said softly when he realised Hawke was looking, giving him a shy smile. Hawke returned the smile with a more confident one. He was right about the bed hair, but Anders managed to make the messy, tangled look work. Based on the look on Anders’ face, Hawke was also willing to bet he wasn’t much of a morning person. 

“Good morning! Would you like some coffee!” he said cheerfully, hoping that Anders wasn’t one of those people who weren’t particularly tolerant of upbeat morning people.

“I would absolutely love some,” Anders said with a yawn that only confirmed Hawke’s ‘not a morning person’ theory. “Preferably as quickly as possible.”

“I only have instant, is that ok?”

Hawke grabbed the jar, preparing to throw it to Anders before reconsidering, instead crossing the kitchen to hand it to him before he put the water on to boil. It was possible he was still half asleep after all, and cleaning up the granules of coffee that would end up scattered across the floor if it dropped didn’t sound like fun. Anders didn’t seem to mind, grabbing a mug from the drawer Hawke directed him to. Hawke’s lips twitched into a smile when he saw that Anders had grabbed the mug that was one of his personal favourites. 

“I’m making breakfast,” Hawke told him as though it wasn’t obvious. “I hope you like eggs!” It only occurred to him then that some people didn’t. What if he was making eggs for Anders when Anders hated eggs? What if he was allergic? What if he was trying to make him breakfast and ended up sending him to hospital instead? “If you don’t like eggs though you don’t have to eat them though. I can make you a sandwich or something. Or I have cereal? Or, um…”

“Hawke,” Anders interrupted him, the smell of coffee filling the room he added water to his mug. “I love eggs. Thank you.”

He leaned against the kitchen bench, coffee clutched in both hands as he watched Hawke cook. As he served up the eggs, Hawke did his best to not watch Anders but he could feel his eyes drifting over to him over and over again. Each time he did and their eyes met and Hawke glanced away with a shy smile. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked Anders when they were finally sitting at the table, ready to eat. Anders shrugged at him, mouth already full. 

“I’m… relieved,” he said when it was empty again. “I’m still worried, terrified honestly, but knowing you’re here, that helps.”

“I know nothing I say will change what happened,” Hawke said hesitantly, “but I’m sorry.”

Anders gave him a bittersweet smile. 

“I was lucky to have him as long as I did. When the pain faded, that was what mattered to me. And usually, I am ok with it, especially when…” 

He cut himself off, putting his hand over Hawke’s instead.

“Thank you Hawke.” 

“I mean it though, we can figure this out together,” Hawke said reassuringly, trying to maintain his sincerity while also trying to gracefully eat scrambled eggs. “I can take care of myself, and we can work out what to do.” 

They ate in silence for a moment, Hawke enjoying the comfort of the casual situation together. 

“I don’t know what I even want to do,” Anders blurted out suddenly, as though he’d been preparing himself to talk. His knuckles were white around his coffee cup. “I want to do something, knowing this and having  _ proof _ … it could help everything we’ve worked for, everything  _ I’ve  _ worked for for so long. It might be able to actually change something but… knowing it puts me at risk too.” 

“Hey,” Hawke said reassuringly, “you don’t have to know just yet. It’s ok. You have time.” 

“What in the maker’s name did I do to deserve you Garrett Hawke?” Anders said softly, looking at Hawke with such tenderness in his eyes that Hawke felt his breath catch in his chest. 

“I could ask you the same question,” he said, trying to hold back the rush of emotion. “I  _ am _ going to have to go and get dressed for work now though, I don’t want to end up late.”

When he emerged from his bedroom, fussing with the tie around his neck, he found Anders washing the dishes in his kitchen and it was his turn to watch fondly while leaning against the cupboard. 

“I could get used to seeing this,” he told Anders.

“So could I,” Anders said with a smirk, eyes flicking up and down along the uniform. Hawke wondered if he had a thing for men in uniforms as a general rule or if it was just him specifically. Or maybe this uniform. Maybe the museum was just a very awkward - or enjoyable, depending on your perspective - experience. 

Hawke offered Anders his shower - resisting the very tempting urge to include himself in that offer but not wanting to cross a line  _ just _ yet, especially not when he really did have to go to work - but the other man declined. 

“I’ll go home and use mine,” he’d said before changing out of Hawke’s clothes. He’d also turned down the extra food Hawke offered him to go. Honestly, Hawke had predicted that outcome but it felt rude not to offer as he prepared his own lunch. 

As they headed outside, Hawke felt a tiny twinge of concern that if he let Anders go now, he might not see him again. Not wanting to dwell on that, he pushed the thought aside. Anders knew he had come close to betraying Hawke’s trust and he needed to give Anders the chance to show he deserved it back. 

“I’ll talk to you when you finish work,” Anders told him as though reading his mind. “Promise.” With one last kiss pressed to Hawke’s cheek, he let Hawke go on his way.

Saturday was always the busiest day at the museum, but even watching the crowds of people, reminding children to engage respectfully and directing families and couples around wasn’t enough to keep his thoughts away from Anders. 

“You look happy,” Merrill told him as she brushed past. She didn’t technically work weekends, her academic job a weekday thing, but she was so dedicated to her work that she was often here anyway. Hawke  _ did _ work every second weekend and he was pretty sure she spent more Saturdays here than him. “Did you have a good night?”

“Pretty good.” Hawke beamed at her, wondering if Fenris would have said anything to her, if she’d picked up on him feeling down, or if she was just genuinely wondering about his wellbeing and happiness. Knowing Merrill, it could have been any of them or a combination of more than one. “How’s the research going?” 

“Oh it’s going wonderfully Hawke! They discovered a new tool similar to the one I’ve been investigating up in the Dales and the museum up there said they’d ship it down for me to study! Some of them weren’t incredibly happy about it but I promised I’d tell them everything I find out!”

“If they didn’t want you to investigate it, why’d they even tell you about it?” Hawke laughed. Merrill’s reputation and passion for the project she’d been researching for years was well known, both in casual social circles and academic ones. “Surely you’re well known enough that they’d know you’d request it?”

“Oh they didn’t tell me,” she said, frowning at a dirty speck on the top of a nearby display case. “Varric told me. They were talking about it at his office, one of his coworkers published a story about it.” With a flick, she tried to brush the mark away, rubbing slightly harder when it resisted. Finally satisfied it was gone, she turned back to Hawke.

“Anyway he sent me the article when I asked. I told him that next time, he should tell his coworker to talk to me for information. Can you believe they tried to say that it was likely of Tevinter origin? I helped prove over a year and a half ago that Arlathan is distinct from Tevinter, and have evidence for it but now they’ve gone and spread that misinformation that the Dalish artefacts mimicked Tevinter ones!.”

“They’re very lucky to have you keeping an eye out,” Hawke told her, amused. He admired Merrill’s passion for her research, especially when she faced barriers lack of interest in the project. He didn’t understand all of it but he was slowly working it out. 

“Most people won’t even think about it but who knows how far that will reach!” she exclaimed. “There could be anyone who sees it.”

Before Hawke could answer, her phone rang. 

“I have to take this sorry Hawke!” she exclaimed, checking who was calling. “I’ll talk to you later!”

He waved to her as she left, becoming quickly distracted by the entrance of a new tour group. Throughout the rest of his shift, he remained busy but his thoughts remained with Merrill and her words, of the story she was worried would spread. 

At the end of his shift, as he helped lock up the museum for the night and checked the alarms, he pulled out his phone to message Anders. 

**_Hawke: hope you’ve had a nice day!_ **

**_Hawke: I have an idea_ **

**_Hawke: do you want to come over?_ **

**_Anders: Sure :) I’ll see you soon x_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the strongest end to this chapter but hey ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ This was meant to only be half a chapter but I felt like there were too many different things happening between the breakfast, Hawke’s conversation with Merrill and the stuff that happens in the next chapter :D I’ve also remember that I don’t know how to write endings but hey I’m getting there (I hope) 😬 
> 
> Writing this chapter made me want to write so much more domestic Handers fluff ngl
> 
> A side note: I imagine Fenris and Anders both rely heavily on coffee, especially in the morning but Fenris is a coffee snob while Anders is a coffee goblin just trying to consume as much caffeine as he can as rapidly as he can. Fenris is also a grump before he has his coffee while Anders just doesn’t function properly. I may have spent more time thinking about this than I needed to.


	16. A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders and Hawke develop a plan for taking on the Chantry.

Hawke told Anders how long it’d probably take him to get home, and his estimation proved to be accurate. After arriving back at his house, he only had time to change out of his work uniform - with a brief thought that Anders may be slightly disappointed at that development - and throw a ball for a very excited Amell before Anders was knocking at his door.

He already looked better than he had yesterday, or even this morning. The creases were gone from his clothes and his face had regained some of its colour. It put into perspective how miserable he had looked the day before and Hawke fought the urge to grab him and give him the biggest hug he possibly could. 

“Did you have a good day?” 

“I did!” Hawke said. “Did you?” 

Anders nodded, hand scratching absentmindedly at Amell‘s ears as she pressed against his leg. 

“After...after everything, I couldn’t bring myself to face work, pretending everything was ok like I had been. Not when I knew it was actually so much worse. I took as much personal leave as I could and I still have a few days, so I spent the day at home.”

“The receptionist told me as much,” Hawke said without thinking. When Anders frowned at him every so slightly, questioning, he blushed. “I wanted to check you were ok so I called the clinic. I was worried something had happened to you.”

The confusion softened.

“I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Hawke invited him inside. This time, they sat at his table - it felt like a more appropriate location for the conversation he was hoping they could have than the couch where they had spent most of their time together. Besides, when he sat on the couch, memories of the first night he had kissed Anders fought to take up space in his thoughts. 

“Have you thought any more about what you’re going to do? I assume you haven’t been back since you found all of Karl’s files but you can’t stay on leave indefinitely.”

The corner of Anders’ mouth twisted as he let out a deep sigh. 

“I still don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “I’ve been thinking about it all day, all week really, ever since I found it. The world needs to see this, then we can stop pretending the Chantry is a solution to all the problems they claim to be but… they’re so powerful. What could I even do?

“We can figure that out,” Hawke said. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Anders’ pinched the bridge of his nose, brow furrowed in thought. 

“This would be easier if I knew what to even do with it. It’s not like I can march in there and just… tell them to stop. What am I meant to do, blackmail the entire Thedas Chantry system and not expect consequences?” 

“I… I had an idea about that,” Hawke said, remembering why he’d actually invited Anders over in the first place. Not that just seeing him, getting to just spend time with him, wasn’t reason enough to want to invite him. Anders didn’t say anything, but Hawke could see the curiosity on his face. “Merrill was talking today about an article related to her research, and how she was worried about the audience it would reach. There was a mistake in it. So I thought… why not share it that way?”

“With mistakes?” 

“No! Through the media,” Hawke explained. “That way it couldn’t be traced back to you, not easily, and can you even picture how drama like that would spread? The story would blow up, all the way across Thedas.”

Anders looked at him thoughtfully, clearly weighing up the idea. 

“Do you really think that would work? What if they discounted everything because there was no reputable source?” 

“Maybe not, but once it’s out there, everyone can look into it. If just one person found so much, imagine if people with even more resources looked into it? And there’s already some evidence, they just wouldn’t know where it came from.”

At the table next to him, Anders nervously chewed at his fingernail. 

“I… I want to do it,” he said finally. “The Chantry and their institutions are an injustice, in many places beyond Kirkwall. The world needs to see, and this could bring them that accountability. But… it’s a big step.”

Hawke grabbed the hand still resting on the table and held it tightly. 

“I completely understand,” he said. “And it’s really up to you what to do, but I’ll support you whatever you do. I just want you to be happy and feel safe.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Anders looked scared, small, as he looked at Hawke. “I’ve spent all this time working from the inside, trying to change things that way. What if that’s a better way to do things? If I go big and bold… what if it doesn’t work, and then I lose everything and can’t help at all?”

“What is it exactly that you’ve been working towards, with all of your meetings and unionising?” Hawke prompted him. 

“Freedom and support for all of the Chantry workers, and those affected by them I guess.”

“These files, would they do that?” 

Anders took a deep breath, picking anxiously at the skin on one finger before he answered. 

“What he gathered, what I have… it could bring freedom to more than just the workers. It will bring them to justice throughout Thedas.” Before Hawke had a chance to say anything, Anders huffed out a small laugh. “I guess that really answers it for me, doesn’t it?”

He looked down at the table for a moment, Hawke’s thumb still rubbing reassuringly over his hand. Glancing up, he looked at Hawke with a shy smile. 

“Can I have a hug?”

“Of course.” Hawke couldn’t stop the tender smile creeping onto his face. “Get over here.”

He lifted himself slightly from his chair as Anders moved to meet him, pulling the man into his lap as he wrapped his arms around him. 

“You can have as many hugs as you want, whenever you want,” he told Anders as Anders pressed his face into Hawke’s neck, taking a deep breath, as though breathing in the scent of him. “Especially if I get to do this.” Gently, he slipped a hand under Anders’ chin, lifting his face so he could kiss him. 

“You definitely can.” Anders smiled against his lips, wrapping one of his own arms around Hawke’s torso. “That’s just an added bonus to the hug.”

They sat like that for a moment, Anders in Hawke’s lap, pressed against him, lips moving together as Hawke held him. If somebody had told him a few months ago that he would find himself here, with somebody this wonderful in his arms, opening up to him, wanting him as much as he wanted them, he wasn’t sure he’d have believed them. He definitely wouldn’t have believed Anders would have been interested in him, as convinced as he was that Anders wanted nothing more than friendship. 

Anders was still making it very clear that he was interested in much more than friends, and Hawke was very grateful for every opportunity he took to prove it. 

“Hey Anders?” he said softly, combing his fingers through his hair as he released him from the hug. Anders sat back to look at him, one hand still resting on Hawke’s back. “I’m really proud of you.”

The expression on Anders’ face softened even more as he blushed, Hawke chasing the colour across his cheek with a thumb. 

“I’m not the one who found all of it,” he said, looking to the side as though embarrassed. 

“No, but you’ve been fighting for it anyway,” Hawke told him. “And I think you’d keep fighting, even if you hadn’t found this, even if you had to keep fighting forever.”

“Thank you Garrett, he said, meeting his gaze. Hawke’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name, the one he rarely used, on Anders’ lips. “Thank you for standing behind me. I could not have begun to do this without your support.”

Hawke pressed one more quick kiss to his lips. 

“You already had,” he said. “This has just made it easier for you to do what you were always doing.”

Anders laughed, a lighthearted sound. It was nice to hear after how unhappy, how stressed he had clearly been. 

“You’re right,” he said. “It’s terrifying and I don’t know what’s going to happen but you’re right. Finally, after all this time, I might actually get somewhere.” 

He looked at Hawke, his eyes shining. Hawke had seen a hint of the passion Anders felt for his causes already, but this felt like the first time Anders had displayed it so openly. He loved seeing it. 

“It feels so good to be finally seeking justice, to feel like I might actually achieve something,” Anders continued. “I’ve been fighting them for so long, not knowing how to actually stand up to them without ruining everything and leaving myself in a position where I can’t help anyone, not even myself.”

“I take it you’re going to do it? Spread this?” Hawke grinned at him, Anders’ passion contagious, and Anders nodded with enthusiasm. 

“I’m still scared but the world needs to see this. If I pay for that with my profession, with my financial security...then I pay. At least everyone will know the truth. I… I don’t think I can keep working there, not knowing this, even if they don’t find out it was me, but I don’t care anymore.”

“You can always stay here if you need to,” Hawke heard himself saying. Anders didn’t answer straight away and Hawke found it was his turn to blush. “I know it’s only been what, two months, but you mentioned you’d be in debt even more if you left, and if you’re leaving now because of this…” His voice trailed off as he tried to identify the expression on Anders’ face. “I can clear out the spare room if you want, it can just be a place to stay if you need somewhere, no strings attached, and…” 

Anders cut him off, surging forward to catch his lips with his own. 

“Thank you,” he said when he broke the kiss, forehead resting against Hawke’s, one hand cupped tenderly around his cheek. “I think I must be the luckiest man alive to have found you.”

“Nope,” Hawke said. “You can’t be the luckiest man if I already am.” 

Anders laughed a laugh more breath than anything else but he didn’t answer, just looked at Hawke. 

“Am I calling Varric?”

Anders nodded. 

“Make the call,” he said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked this chapter when I first wrote it but rereading it, idk how I feel about it but I’m also not going to force myself to completely rewrite it when I don’t even know what I wasn’t sure about... so I figured hey just post it, it’s not my problem anymore 😂 Anyway. Is this chapter largely about me wanting to give Anders the biggest hug I can and telling him I love him and I’m proud of him? Perhaps. 
> 
> One thing I’m a liiiitle uncertain about is that I feel like I wanted it have Hawke help Anders, but I ended up feeling like Hawke is more of a driving force than Anders in this and I really don’t want to take away Anders’ significance and him being the one that takes the stand. But at the same time, canon Anders has had years and years (so many years oh my god, I researched a bunch of stuff for a Karl x Anders timeline the other day and let’s just say I hate the Chantry even more than I already did now) pushing him toward breaking point while modern Anders has only just reached a tipping point and Hawke is reacting to that more than the Chantry and idkkkk I’m probably overthinking this completely 😂
> 
> Somebody pls bully me into writing the next chapter though, I have Stalled in my writing and even though it’s now like 2/3 done, it’s been tedious and I don’t wanna do it. I keep thinking about all the things I could have included earlier and didn’t and if I should have now that I’m wrapping things up and my brain has been an ass about it ugh. Chapter 18 is already half done though and is going to (hopefully?) be super cute!
> 
> Will I ever stop writing a mini essay in the notes? Perhaps, but today is not that day. Thank you to everybody who has read and commented or left kudos or both, I really appreciate it and I absolutely would not have reached this point without you <3


	17. A Series of Events

Varric met with Hawke and Anders a few days later. For the sake of nostalgia, Hawke was tempted to suggest the cafe across from the hospital. It was where he met Stroud on Anders’ recommendation and it was where he and Anders had met for their first official almost date. But, as Anders pointed out, discussing the things they needed to in such close proximity to the major institution affected was probably not the smartest of ideas. 

Instead they invited Varric to discuss the details at Hawke’s house, which was starting to become a bit of a meeting place for these talks. 

“I should have been inviting my fellow unionists here,” Anders had joked. “Maybe we could have started making progress earlier.”

Hawke had grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in close. 

“You can still invite them here,” he’d told him. “I’d love to meet the people helping you make a difference, or anyone important to you.” 

Anders had just kissed him in response. 

He seemed a little less confident now as they prepared to share the information with Varric, fidgeting nervously under the table. Gently, Hawke took his hand and held it.

“So Hawke, Blondie, tell me more about this story that’s going to blow up all over the world and help make me famous,” Varric said, leaning forward over the table, notebook beside him. 

Anders took a deep breath as Hawke opened the laptop he’d set on the table. The night before, Anders had brought the hard drive over and they’d made several copies, one for Varric and some back up copies. They didn’t want this information to somehow disappear, so sharing it without some kind of insurance or backup didn’t seem wise. Hawke hadn’t looked through all of it but the few things Anders had shown him more thoroughly left him flabbergasted. 

The most unsettling folder had been the one about inter-hospital transfers. Anders hadn’t wanted to look at that one and Hawke had no interest in forcing him to. The copy of those files were made in silence, moving on quickly. 

Varric looked at the computer, clearly intrigued as Hawke gave Anders’s hand one more comforting squeeze. 

“How do you feel about helping take on the Chantry?”

*

Varric and his editor wanted to make sure the story was perfect, that it included everything important without hiding the key facts in excessive details. Varric insisted he was more than capable of writing it, his editor thrilled to have been handed such a major story sure to bring so much publicity that would be traced back to the paper. Given that the information wasn’t likely to change much, Hawke and Anders told him to take as much time as he needed. 

There was a gap in the timeline, from the time that Karl passed away to now, when the files had been rediscovered. Thankfully Anders had meticulously documented everything he possibly could in his attempts to fight back and was able to fill in at least some of those gaps with his notes and minutes from every single meeting he’d held. There was not as much hard evidence, the transgressions documented more minor, but every little bit helped. 

Both of them were hopeful that there would be enough interest in this - from law enforcement, from independent lawyers and investigators - that even the influence of the Chantry wouldn’t be able to make this go away. Then, the gaps wouldn’t matter. Anybody who cared enough to investigate would find the evidence to fill them in anyway, the evidence to make this stick. 

Finally, Varric dropped by to tell them the story was ready. 

“You sure about this?” he asked them. “Even with all this, you might not win this fight.”

Hawke looked at Anders, who brushed his hair back off his face with one hand. He sighed.

“This system is failing the people it claims to help,” he said. “It’s time to act. I can’t turn back now.”

“Well, it’s your call Blondie,” Varric said. 

“Do it,” Anders said, more certainty in his voice than Hawke had heard so far. Hawke wrapped his arm around the other man’s shoulder, pulling him in tight against him. Twisting his head, he pressed a kiss against Anders’ hair, a reminder that he was there for him through this, whatever happened. Anders turned his head to return the kiss, hands dropping to Hawke’s hips as the kiss deepened. 

“Don’t mind me,” Varric said, and Hawke knew from his tone he was rolling his eyes at them. “I’ll just sit here and watch.”

“You’re welcome,” Hawke winked at him. Anders nuzzled against his neck as Hawke’s attention left him, Hawke stroking his hair absentmindedly with one hand. 

“I do need fuel for my next creative work,” Varric continued. “I'm working on an epic poem about a hopelessly romantic doctor waging an epic struggle against forces he can't possibly defeat.” 

“Well I’m hoping these forces of evil will soon be defeated,” Anders pointed out, his hand moving lower, slipping into Hawke’s back pocket. 

“Speaking of which…” Varric pulled out his phone, seeking out the number he needed. Pressing it to his ear, he waited for the recipient to answer. As they waited, Anders stole another kiss from Hawke. “Hey it’s me. We’re good to go.” 

“Thank you Varric,” Anders said. “This means a lot to me.” 

“Anytime Blondie,” Varric said, shifting himself off his chair. “But I think I’m gonna get out of here before I have to see something inappropriate.”

“Bye Varric,” Hawke called as he let himself out, Anders’ hands beginning to drift up his back as Amell supervised the man’s exit through the front door. 

“Now that he’s not here to see it,” Anders said, kissing his way along Hawke’s collarbone, “I wouldn’t mind finding something inappropriate to do.”

*

They’d predicted a big reaction, but even with all of their imagining, they had underestimated the chaos caused when the story broke. Within an hour, it had been picked up by every news service in Kirkwall, within two, it was well on its way to spreading across the whole of Thedas. 

“Chantry Scandal” one headline read. “Fall from Grace,” said another. Varric’s was by far the best, but then again, he did have the most time to write, spending days perfecting every detail and not hastily scrambling to provide an update on a breaking story. 

Opinion was divided, of course. Some people thought the Chantry’s actions were absolutely unforgivable and that they deserved to be held to account. Some argued that even if there were an issue, it should have been handled privately, through the institution itself or through the proper authorities. Others thought that, despite all the evidence, the allegations must be made up, that the Chantry could not possibly have done anything wrong, or not to the scale of magnitude being reported. 

Anders gave his two weeks notice at the hospital the same day the story broke. 

“I can’t leave them short staffed,” he’d said, “not without giving them the chance to replace me. And there are people who’ve made appointments, I need to give them the chance to reschedule.” 

“Very admirable,” Hawke had told him with a kiss. “Promise you’ll look after yourself though.”

Anders had been happy to make that promise. 

*

Two days after the story was published, Hawke picked Anders up from the hospital. 

“They know it was me,” he said as Hawke drove them both back to his house. Pushing away the stab of worry that flooded through him, Hawke gave him a sympathetic look, wishing he wasn’t driving so he could give him a hug as well. “One of us anyway, in the hospital clinic.”

“How do you know?” 

“Meredith Stannard.”

Hawke knew the name, it had come up a lot in both Karl’s files and in Anders own notes. The woman seemed to have no concern about the wellbeing of the staff in the hospital she oversaw and was one of the most influential members on the hospital board. Anders seemed to think she had the chairwoman wrapped around her little finger, influencing the majority of the key decisions in the hospital in whatever direction she wanted. 

“She stormed in this afternoon, ranting and raving about how she knew it was us. Apparently she noticed that the majority of the recent evidence involved people who worked there, mostly because I had the most luck getting them involved.”

“Are you ok?” Hawke asked in concern, relaxing slightly as Anders nodded. 

“She didn’t know exactly who and she can’t punish all of us, as much as I’m sure she’d love to try. She probably can’t even prove it for sure, and they all had my back. If it comes to it though, I’d own up. They’re not paying for my actions, not if I can help it.” 

“You only have a bit over a week left, even if she does work it out.” 

“And then I get to figure out what I’m going to do with my life.”

Hawke glanced sideways at Anders as they pulled into the driveway to see that rueful half smile he’d had so often over the last week or so. It was a reflection of the anxiety Anders felt about the uncertainty of his own future and the certainty that he was doing the right thing, no matter how scary. 

“We’ll work it out,” he said. “I have faith in you.” 

Taking advantage of Hawke no longer sitting behind the wheel of a moving vehicle, Anders kissed him. It had been almost a month now since Anders had first done so, but every single time still gave him butterflies. Idly, he wondered when they would stop, if these kisses would become normal or if he was destined to have butterflies forever. 

Honestly, he wouldn’t mind that, but the idea of Anders becoming a comfortable constant in his life was nice too. 

“How have things been other than that?” Anders hadn’t talked much about the last few days, about what the atmosphere at the hospital was like or if anything had already changed. 

“It’s... tense,” Anders answered as Hawke unlocked the door to let them both in. “The divide between people who recognise something needs to change and the people who insist there’s nothing wrong is still there, more so than ever. But at least now there are more people fighting for their rights and for consequences to wrongdoings than there were before.”

“I’m proud of you,” Hawke told him, watching Amell jump in excitement as she greeted them. Turning around, he grabbed Anders around the waist, pulling him close. At this distance, he could see the freckles on the other man’s cheeks clearly despite the blush spreading across them. “Look at you, bringing change into the world.”

Anders buried his head against Hawke’s shoulder. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he said and Hawke pressed his lips against Anders’ silky hair. 

“You would have,” he argued. “It might have taken you a little longer if you had to rely just on the Chantry to push you to breaking point, keeping you in misery, but you’ve been fighting for justice longer than you’ve known me.”

“I just hope it works.” Anders' voice was muffled against Hawke’s shoulder but he didn’t seem in a hurry to get out of Hawke’s arms, just like Hawke wasn’t in any particular hurry to let go of him. Beside them, Amell snuffled, no doubt hoping one of them was holding something at least a little edible. 

“It will, and I can’t wait to see how my incredible boyfriend helps change the world next.” 

Anders finally lifted his head away from Hawke, keeping his body close.

“What did you just say?” 

“I… can’t wait to see how you change the world?” 

Anders shook his head.

“The other part,” he said, with just the very corners of his mouth turning up in amusement as Hawke tried to think back to what he might have said. Then it hit him. My incredible boyfriend. 

“I…” he started, not quite sure what to say as the upturned mouth became a full smile. His cheeks were hot and he knew he was blushing as much as Anders had earlier. 

“I’m your incredible boyfriend, am I?” Anders teased, and somehow, impossibly, Hawke’s cheeks grew even hotter. 

“You’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met and I definitely hope so, even if it’s in the future and not yet.” Hawke could hear his words rushing together but it was easier to tell Anders how he felt quickly, before he had a chance to overthink everything like he was prone to doing or hold himself back. He’d already said the hardest part by accident anyway, letting Anders know how he’d been increasingly thinking of him. 

“Well then,” Anders said. His delighted grin was still clearly on his face, but now it mixed with something else, something softer. “Garrett Hawke, I would absolutely love to be your boyfriend.” 

The butterflies when Anders kissed him didn’t change when Anders kissed him as his boyfriend. 

*

Hawke met Anders outside as he left the hospital as an employee for the last time. He had offered, concerned Anders might find it difficult to walk away from the place that had been his life, that had held him trapped for so long, and Anders seemed to have appreciated the thought. 

As he waited by the ornate fountain out the front, Hawke saw him coming before Anders saw him. He stepped forward to greet him. 

“Do you want me to take that?” he asked, gesturing at the small box possessions Anders clutched in his arms. Last night, Anders had told him he wouldn’t need much help with his things, not keeping many of his own personal things at work, but there were still enough items that the box was necessary. Anders shook his head. 

“I’ve got it. Thank you though.”

Peering into the box, Hawke noticed a distinct theme to the meagre possessions Anders kept at his workplace. A cat mug. A small plant in a pot with cat ears. A framed picture of a cat.

“That’s Ser Pounce-a-lot,” Anders said when he noticed Hawke looking. “He’s the cat I had to give up when they transferred me here. I miss him.”

He looked so disappointed at the thought that Hawke immediately made a note to get him a cat. Maybe not a real one, but the museum gift shop _did_ sell those cute toy ones…

“He’s very cute.” Secretly, Hawke thought Amell was much cuter but it didn’t seem like the appropriate time to tell him that.

Anders sighed.

“Maybe one day, when all of this is sorted and I know what I’m doing with my life, I can get another cat.” 

Before Hawke had a chance to reply, there was a commotion from the entrance of the hospital. A tall, blonde woman, pale hair contrasting with the red scarf around her neck, her hands cuffed behind her back as she was escorted out of the building. A group of people followed, some clearly uniformed officers although it was hard to tell who else was in the small crowd. 

“And I will be talking to your superior officer,” she snapped at the policewoman behind her. “Do you know who I am? I practically run this hospital with the trust Elthina puts in me. I have ties to the Revered Mother herself.”

“Ma’am, we know exactly who you are and what connections you have,” the woman told her, sounding utterly unphased at the threats. “That's why we’re accompanying you to the station.” 

“That’s her,” Anders whispered to Hawke as the woman continued her rant, threatening to make somebody pay. “Meredith.”

Anders remained still, Hawke by his side, waiting for the group to pass before making their own exit. Most of the way past them however, Meredith stopped, so suddenly that the officer behind her bumped into her. 

“You,” she hissed, her eyes locking onto Anders with his box. “You’re from that _clinic_.” 

Hawke stepped closer to Anders, positioning his body protectively between the two of them. Without thinking, his feet shifted into a defensive position, ready to draw on whatever training he had to protect him. 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” she continued, her tone dripping venom. “I knew it was one of you rats.” 

“Give it a break Meredith,” said the elderly gentleman behind her. Hawke noticed he was also clearly being accompanied by the officers although they seemed to not deem handcuffs necessary. “You messed up, you went too far and you got caught, just like we all warned you. There’s nobody to blame but yourself.”

“You’ll never work in another hospital again,” she spat. “I’ll make sure of it.” 

Hawke reached behind Anders, hand resting reassuringly in his back. That was one of Anders’ fears, and while there was a good chance Meredith may be completely powerless to actually act on the threat, the comment itself was likely a validation of that fear. 

“Ma’am, any threats you make will be recorded,” the policewoman reminded her with an eye roll. “I’d advise you to keep your mouth closed.” 

“You’ll all pay for this,” she snapped. “I will not stand for it.”

The officer gave her a shove in the back to encourage her to keep moving. 

“My apologies,” she told them, moving Meredith and the other man along and leaving them alone by the fountain. 

“Are you ok?” 

Anders looked visibly shaken, but he nodded, the hint of a smile pulling at his lips. 

“At least something is happening. I just hope it sticks.” 

Hawke gave his back one more reassuring rub as he fished his keys out of his pocket. 

“Let’s go then,” he said. His friends - Anders’ friends now too - were coming over tonight for a joint celebration and commiseration of Anders’ last day, joined by some of Anders’ friends and now-former coworkers. He wanted to make sure Anders had time to process his new situation before processing it with others. Anders also needed to take his possessions home before coming back to Hawke’s place, where he said he’d be more comfortable celebrating than his own apartment. 

“Isabela said she had a surprise for me,” Anders said as Hawke drove him home. “Should I be worried?” 

“Probably,” Hawke said, trying not to laugh at the lighthearted concern in Anders’ voice. “But hey, you took on the Chantry. You can survive Isabela.”

“That doesn’t make her less scary,” Anders muttered but Hawke could see he was smiling as their journey continued and he prepared, both of them prepared, to figure out what the further would hold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s done \o/ I feel like it could still do with improving but I’d rather feel eh about a chapter than feel like I’m doing something I don’t enjoy doing so it’s done ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> The two of them have definitely reached the point in their relationship where they can’t keep their hands off each other. Sorry Varric 💕 And Hawke’s very next shift, he buys Anders one of [these](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1054/6808/products/s6390_1024x1024.jpg?v=1523805934) from the gift shop. There's a good chance Anders tells him he loves him when he gives it to him. 
> 
> Also! This is now technically a series (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ I’ve written two short things about my boys in response to prompts on tumblr and I’ve just added them on ao3. Hopefully I’ll have inspiration to write more about them to add in the future ❤️ and I’m always open to prompts 😉 and if you’re not somebody who found this though tumblr originally, come say hi at [kirkwallgremlin](http://kirkwallgremlin.tumblr.com)!
> 
> And finally, I attempted some art for chapter 9 (the fair). [You can find it here](https://kirkwallgremlin.tumblr.com/post/615989619297763328/a-face-painted-dragon-hawke-and-anders-the-cat-to) or with the chapter 😊


	18. Another Day at the Fair

“ _The trial of high level members of the Chantry continues today with a verdict expected to be reached within the next few days. The investigation started after allegations from a medical professional within the hospital system shared a number of documents indicating systematic corruption and malpractice._ ”

The reporter continued, recounting the story - one now so familiar to Hawke - over footage of Meredith being escorted into the courtroom, face partially obscured as she scurried past reporters. Hawke rolled his eyes at the image of her on the screen and flicked the power off as he pulled on the new shirt Anders had recently given him - the one with the dragon on it. His phone buzzed and he reached for it, checking the incoming message. 

**_Bethany: Have fun today! Sorry I couldn’t get a flight a week earlier :( :(_ **

**_Hawke: I’m sure we’d have more fun with you here :(_ **

**_Hawke: Anders and I are both very excited for you to meet him in person!_ **

**_Bethany: me too!!_ **

Through the window, he saw Fenris pull up in the driveway. With a quick scratch behind the ears, he let Amell into the backyard as he left, kicking yet another damn cat toy aside on his way out.

Somehow, despite having the shortest legs in the whole group, Varric had managed to claim the front passenger seat, turning to greet Hawke as he joined Merrill in the back. The fair was already underway when they arrived but it was not yet busy and Fenris managed to find a park not too far from the entrance. 

“Look, the face painting is here again!” Merrill pointed out in excitement, and Hawke smiled, remembering the last time he and Anders had sat at that table. He wondered if they had the same dragon options.

“We’ll come back later Daisy,” Varric told her, continuing to lead the way towards the information stalls. “I think somebody might burst if we don’t find them quickly.”

The non-profit organisation was set up in the same place as usual. They had balloons this year, an assortment of rainbow colours with the logo emblazoned across each one, fluttering in the wind as it caught them. 

“Welcome,” Isabela sang from her position behind the stall, leaning across the table to better see them. She’d started early with the stickers this year, a whole range of Pride flags bold across her chest. Apparently they also had temporary tattoos this year, Isabela proudly sporting a rainbow flag on one cheek and a bisexual one on the other. 

Hawke’s eyes sought out Anders, finding him crouched behind the table as he tried to sort out one of the boxes there. He jumped as Hawke slipped behind the stall to greet him, accepting the hand Hawke extended to help him up. 

“One day, the pair of you will be arrested for public indecency,” Fenris told them as Hawke greeted his boyfriend. “Get a room.”

“Or don’t. Feel free to continue” Isabela added. She’d slipped an arm around Fenris’ waist. A sticker had appeared on his cheek and he looked decidedly unimpressed about it. “Good publicity for us.” 

Hawke didn't break the kiss as he made a rude gesture at her. 

“I got you something.” Anders pulled a rainbow sticker out of his pocket, holding it out for Hawke to see. It wasn’t quite the same as the one from the first fair a year ago, but it brought back fond memories nonetheless as Anders pressed it to Hawke’s chest. “I’m here for another hour. Why don’t you look around with the others till I’m free?”

“I guess I’ll find some way to cope without you for an hour,” Hawke joked, grabbing another sticker from the table to stick to Anders. He wondered if he’d be able to stick more on him throughout the day. 

Isabela seemed to have taken on the same challenge with Fenris, another sticker already joining the first, this one on his arm as he looked down at it with a resigned sigh. 

It turned out having a qualified doctor on staff was an incredibly useful thing for an organisation working with marginalised groups on such a regular basis. Isabela had never said if the idea was hers or if she’d just put forward his name, but Anders was certainly much happier there, even if the pay only just did enough to stave off falling deeper into debt. Not only was he away from the stress and pressure the Chantry hospital system put on him, the ability to work with refugees, with people living in poverty, with the often otherwise voiceless members of society, was something he found much more rewarding.

He often claimed it helped him do exactly what he’d hoped for when he went to when he went to medical school in the first place.

As the group - minus Isabela and Anders, still working - explored the stalls of this year’s fair, they found the face painters again. 

“Are you going to be a dragon again Hawke?” Merrill asked him. 

“Probably! But I’m going to wait for Anders.” Beside him, Hawke saw his friend hesitate. “You go ahead though,” he told her. “It’s just something I’d like _us_ to do together.”

“Garrett Hawke, ever the romantic,” Varric teased as Merrill tried to decide exactly which woodland animal she wanted to be. Fenris tried to argue she should try something scary for once but she ended up choosing a halla. 

When Merrill was painted - the others opting not to - they finished exploring the range of stalls around the fairground, Hawke enjoying the familiarity of the things that appeared every year mixed with the novelty of the changes and new additions. The weather was beautiful, the perfect weather that often characterised this time of year and Hawke breathed in deeply, enjoying the warmth as the time passed. 

Finally, slim hands slipped around his waist, catching him from behind. 

“Not a dragon yet?” Anders asked, Hawke spinning in his arms to face him. 

“Waiting for you,” he told him, pressing one quick kiss to the tip of his nose. 

As they returned to the painters, Hawke cast his gaze across the table seeking the possible dragon options. Then something else caught his eye and he made a snap decision, hoping it was one Anders would appreciate.

“That one?” he asked, handing over his donation and the painter nodded, reaching for his brush. 

When the paint was finished, he siddled back to Anders' side, ready to surprise him. Anders' mouth twitched as he looked at Hawke. 

“Look at that, two of the things I love most,” he said. 

“I’m a cat,” Hawke told him, beaming at him as he looked at Anders, trying not to laugh as well. “I thought we could be cats together.”

“I thought we could be dragons together.”

Hawke grabbed his boyfriend - his _dragon_ boyfriend - and pulled him in for a kiss, being careful not to mess up either of their still drying faces. 

“I don’t care what we are as long as we’re together,” he whispered to him. 

The others had varying reactions - Merrill thought it was adorable while Varric muttered something else about them being hopeless romantics under his breath. Isabela didn’t manage to control her laughter as well as the two of them had as Fenris just rolled his eyes. He’d obtained a red kiss mark on his cheek along with his sticker and he still didn’t look impressed about the ever growing additions to his appearance.

When Isabela’s final attempt to convince Fenris to let them paint his face like a pirate failed, they moved on to find something to eat. They decided on pizza from one of the restaurant tents, finding a spot in the sun to sit as they ate. 

“I leant a new game!” Merrill told them as Varric pulled out his deck of cards. She set about teaching them and while it took them a few rounds to understand her very Merrill way of explaining, they were able to pick it up and waste a pleasant amount of time. 

“Has it been a year yet since you lovebirds started smooching?” Isabela asked them as she lounged in the sun, finally tired of the card game. 

Hawke shook his head. 

“A week and a half,” he said while Anders said “ten days to go” at exactly the same time. 

“Would have been a week sooner if somebody had better timing,” Hawke added, teasing as Fenris rolled his eyes at them again. 

“I’ve told you before,” he said, “it’s not _my_ fault you chose a public space to attempt your intimate moment.”

“And _I’ve_ told you before,” Isabela added, “you missed out by interrupting and not just spying from a distance.”

As the afternoon progressed, Anders had to return to the stall to allow a coworker a break. Hawke took advantage of the time to play with the new puppies in this year’s petting zoo, and it was there that Anders found him again. 

“Some things never change I see,” he laughed, clearly having been watching Hawke from a distance for a short time already. 

The rest of the group departed not long after, Hawke giving his seat in the car to Isabela. Hawke and Anders decided to stay a little longer, knowing Anders would be able drive them back to their house. Alone, they enjoyed some more food as they listened to some of the live music performances. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Hawke asked finally, fingers twining with Anders’, thumb rubbing gently over his hand as Anders nodded. 

Several blocks up from the fair, they found a small park, just far enough away that the noises of other people no longer drifted to their ears. There was a bench in the middle, one with a view of the sun just beginning to set and they settled in together to watch. 

“I love you,” Anders said, his head resting on Hawke’s shoulder as they sat. “In this last year, you’ve helped me become a better person, a braver person. A happier one.” 

“It’s the least I can do for somebody who makes me so happy every single day,” Hawke told him, resting his cheek against the top of Anders’ head.

They sat together a while longer in comfortable silence as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon and the colours began to fade from the sky.

Anders yawned, attempting to hide the movement against Hawke’s chest. He’d had a long day, longer than Hawke, and unlike Hawke, he’d also been working.

“Time to go home?” Hawke asked him, Anders’ hair soft under his fingers.

“Only if you’re coming with me.” His boyfriend gave him a sleepy wink as Hawke smiled down at him fondly. 

“I’d like to see somebody try and stop me.” 

It had been just over a year since Anders had come into his life, slightly longer since they had first met in Hawke’s incident with the spider. A lot had changed since then, some of it positive and some of it less so, but looking at Anders, Hawke wouldn’t have traded any of it for the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! My little idea I had one day while driving home from a trip to the coast has now turned into a full, finished story 🥺 I’ve been flip flopping between liking this final chapter and being like oh no it sucks so I’m just calling it done before I can convince myself nobody will like it. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who’s read and commented and left kudos and reblogged tumblr posts, it’s meant a lot of me and there’s been points where I absolutely stalled and probably would have given up ❤️🧡💛 this is pretty much the longest thing I’ve ever written (beaten only by my 2013 nanowrimo project which is still so unedited that the first 20-30 pages still call the main character “MC” because she didn’t have a name till then) so it’s a wonderful feeling to have finished 💕 I’m not finished with these boys yet so there’ll probably be other short things about them but I do need a bit of a break from them to focus on all my wonderful Wardens and my beloved Inquisitor I think!
> 
> Tiny fun fact for everyone (especially T because I told you I’d tell you when you’d read it ❤️), Isabela’s job was initially just a tiny detail that I needed to work out while planning even though it didn’t matter at all to the story, I just wanted to be able to include a throwaway line to Isabela being an X or working at a Y. I nearly gave up on it because I couldn’t decide what I wanted and hey it didn’t matter anyway, just a minor detail, right? But when I decided what she did, a whole bunch of stuff fell into place and I finally worked out how this was going to end, what Anders was going to do after all the Chantry stuff, and how to actually get them moving forward with their relationship. Plus it led to the fair (which like I’ve mentioned, is loosely based on a real one organised by LGBT+/sexual health charities in my city) which is one of my favourite chapters. Thanks Isabela and thanks brain for insisting on minor details <3


End file.
